Son has stolen cash from me again

I have read the full thread now, and I have been there with being afraid that he'd stab me in the night, or push me down the stairs. I have disabilities myself, and seizures which sometimes leave me paralysed and unable to speak or communicate. He knows this and would step over me/take what he wanted when I was in this state.

These kids have problems, and they don't have the skills to solve them appropriately. He wanted money for whatever reason, he solved that problem by stealing. He doesn't want to do chores, so he solves that problem by acting out, and being abusive. Because that means that you're not even going to bother asking him any more. He still needs to learn how to solve problems appropriately.

I found the empowering parents really good, and it's honestly given me hope.

I also got a lock box. I've had to change the code on it a few times. I lock my purse away, and his phone/controller if I've confiscated them for a time. I've had to drive his stuff over and store it at someone else's house before as well to stop him sneaking around and stealing confiscated stuff back.

Do YOU smoke weed? Thinking your teenage son might randomly stab you is not normal. How much time do you spend with him? None I'll bet.

I haven't read the full thread, but just wanted to let you know that I have had problems with my ds stealing and being abusive. He's just turned 12 though, and has learning difficulties. I'm also a single parent with disabilities.

I've been doing empowering parents. It's a bit American, but I have found that it's really helping with my ds. He is similar in that he has zero empathy or remorse, and if he wants something he has no problem just taking it.

But following the steps, I've been able to hold him accountable and responsible for his actions and behaviour. He's still no angel, and he never will be, but the verbal and physical abuse has reduced dramatically, and so has the stealing and disrespect.

It might be worth a try.

💐 for you op.

I have been there thinking that I might not be able to cope with him, and he might have to go live with his dad. That still might happen as he grows bigger and stronger, but I am trying my best.

I'm not afraid of him being aggressive and violent in anger. I'm afraid of him casually stabbing me when I'm not looking or making toast.

Ok why exactly? I'm not sure where this fear comes from, he is not aggressive or violent yet you fear he will just casually stab you? Is there something you haven't revealed about his behaviour? You've also "lost your shit" at him many times, maybe HE would be safer if he left. Sounds like you might be making excuses for wanting him out though tbh. If you genuinely have reasons to believe he might harm you then yes of course you need him out, but you already said he's not aggressive or violent in anger so I don't get why you think he'd just turn around and do that randomly one day.

He asked to go into foster care before?! There is definitely more going on here, you don't like him-he knows this, I mean it's so very very clear. I have no idea if he's a narcissist or not but lots of teenagers are good at manipulating parents. He's acting out and telling you stuff is going on with him-maybe you should take it at face value and not just assume it's constant emotional manipulation. What he did was very wrong but I wouldn't necessarily say he doesn't feel badly about it, he's probably very ashamed and embarrassed.

This thread is fucking tragic.

He sounds to me like he needs love and nurture- you talk about him so matter of fact. 15 is still very young, a child, yet you talk about him like he is an adult.

I feel really sorry for him, he has no-one to rely on. Children deserve unconditional love and to feel safe. You’re talking about throwing him over a bit of money.

If you are genuinely afraid of him I would take that feeling very seriously.
I would contact the police and social services and tell them he needs removing for your safety. This will be hard but if it is a real concern then you will have to insist.
I would get him out asap and then I would move far away and cut all contact.
Might sound wrong to some but horrible things do happen in such situations and I would trust your gut and protect yourself.

The OP said she doesn't earn much.

Perhaps she doesn't have the money for "a decent family therapist" or a psychiatrist.

OP he sounds a bit detached and incelly get him of the xbox and get a lock for your door.

stop washing his clothes other than providing dinner stop babying him.

You can make a print out of instruction on how to use the washing machine etc if he will ignore you and thats it.

i'd say sit him down and have a serious chat about expectation and making sure he's the skills to survive. wether he listens or not is irrelevant.

if you seriously think he'll stab you then get some ring cameras for inside the house.

Call your internet provider to find out how to block his devices specifically, if they can't get a dongle for you only and remove the router and cancel the contract. So even when you go out you can take the internet with you and you can always keep it on your person.

unfortunately some kids like this don't ever develop empathy will steal until you die then piss off

OP, my elderly neighbour had this with her granddaughter whom she had raised. The girl as a teen was completely out of control. She and her friends were quite abusive and stole money and anything that could be sold for cash from the grandmother. Eventually grandmother became terminally ill and niece had no choice but to move out. She was twenty by that time. If your son is stealing and you’re worried about being harmed, don’t try to protect him from consequences by not reporting him to authorities. Get him out of your home if he is a threat to you.

He's threatened suicide a few times. So did his father. His father never followed through - he emptied my bank account and left.

Well you're going to feel pretty guilty if your son actually goes through with it. He's telling you how depressed he feels and you just see it as a manipulation tactic. I can only guess how you respond to him when he tells you these things.

What you said about him potentially stabbing you is scary. It isn't right, OP. You need to talk to women's aid and the police. You're afraid in your own home. There's more going on than just an unruly teen in that case. I think you need to reach out. Lots of domestic violence is perpetrated by sons against their own mothers.

I am genuinely shocked at reactions to your son - he stole and he’s a child. He did wrong so do lots of teenagers. I went to bel and back with my two older children. Both stole from he countless times at this l age but they are completely honest now at 20 and 18. But you are literally superimposing all your hatred for his father on him - over and over he is a father rather than a lost child. He has no family except you. That’s tough. He is a boy without a father. That’s tough. You make all his decisions sound awful. He doesn’t like cool kids - good for him. He doesn’t want to join the army in case he gets killed - fair enough. He doesn’t want to look after himself entirely at 15 again fair enough. I know he has treated you terribly there but are you really going to give up on your son because he stole at 11 and again at 15? I can’t believe people on here thinking that’s ok. He is your son he needs love and support most when he is being a shit. All the lovely people who’d show a child the door - probably all the same people who say never shout at them cause it’s trauma 🤦‍♀️ Ignore. Try to get him counselling. Try to tell him you love him unconditionally. At the minute the only person who loves him in the world is saying I want you gone - how would you react to this? You also need counselling about your unresolved feelings for him father which you are superimposing on him - he is not his father over again, he is half your son and a totally new and unique person

Wait what, you’re genuinely afraid of him stabbing you?

He sounds like he needs to hit rock bottom before he's going to sort himself out.

I'd be putting him out the door once he turns 16.

And put a bolt on the inside of your bedroom door.

Change the wifi password and don't tell him the new one. You will need to lock the router in a box with small holes cut ouout for the cables otherwise he will reset it to factory settings.

There's an awful lot to unpack here.

Bullying, theft, low self-esteem, isolation, loneliness, absent father, threat of losing his home, mental health problems, risk of DV.

This boy is completely lost and needs to know you're there for him. Don't give up on him until you've tried professional help. Fork out for a decent family therapist for you both, or a psychiatrist if you want advice on inherited disorders, or a counsellor for him. Ask school or your GP if they can recommend someone. Talk to social services and tell them you feel unsafe.

Also, consider a pet for him. Something he can connect with, and love, but nothing that requires huge amounts of time (maybe a cat?).

And don't worry about school, grades etc. His mental health is far more important. He can finish his studies later if necessary.

Does he have a relationship with his godmother?

What did he say when you told him you'll be asking him to leave the house when he is 16?

Also, this may be something you might not want to do but it helped me:
Women's Aid. They listen.
Tell them that your son is making you feel unsafe in your own home.
Of course the stealing is bad, but it's the emotional abuse and lack of safety that is most important.
I thought Women's Aid was just for battered wives, but it's NOT.
At the very least they will listen. They might be able to suggest alternatives if they can't help you directly.

I can't see if you've tried this already... but have you thought about involving the police about both the fact that you are afraid that he might harm you in your sleep (don't mention the catalyst of this being a removed xBox because they might say not to remove it, job done) and the fact that he is stealing from you.
Do you think that some therapy/time with animals might help him?
I've heard that it can sometimes bring out the empathy in people and you son likes animals. This is serious and no-one is listening to you.
Do you think he might have PDA? Google it. He might be past the age/unworkable with due to his nature.

People shouldn't be judging you, this sounds like a horrific situation.. so scary: you're worried he's going to harm you in your sleep!
I can empathise because I come from from an extremely dysfunctional and abusive family.
It's not like you haven't tried!... you've tried alot, especially when you say you've involved a social worker.
I really hope it gets better for you! xxxx HUGS xxx