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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

290 replies

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 10:23

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

OP posts:
heartofglass23 · 22/09/2023 18:34

He's telling you he doesnt want to be with you. Hear him.

Lolasgame · 22/09/2023 18:32

@DeepDishCookie78

You mentioned your boyfriend wasn’t very respectful towards you in the beginning. I know it sounds crazy but did you have any proof he booked the weekend away, some men think it’s funny to build a woman up, then pull the rug. It gives them a sense of power and control over you. As you mentioned you suffer with anxiety he’s picked up you have low self esteem, and thinks he can play you about as you’re vulnerable. Is there any way you could track his ex down and get some truths out of her ? Failing that he’s sending you a very clear message without voicing it, pay attention. You don’t want to wake up at 40 ( comes sooner than you think) and realise you’ve wasted your best years on half arsed relationships/men.

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 18:18

mayorofcasterbridge · 22/09/2023 13:11

If it were me, I wouldn't require any contraception.

He wouldn't get a second chance to diss me again.

He lives with his bloody father - why does he need to go away with him?

He's up to no good. Dump him.

Show quote history

I could not agree more.

It’s just that these threads are always depressingly predictable. Young women with babies, and now onto another feckless loser not worthy of her time. It clearly needs to be spelt out: water-right contraception- so that life is not made even harder.

Lolasgame · 22/09/2023 18:06

@SomeCatFromJapan

Are you a man ? The thing is straight women usually have experience with being on the shitty end of the stick with these types of men. If it walks like a duck and all that.

samestyle · 22/09/2023 17:31

It's a dumpable offence, and quite cruel to let you arrange time off, childcare etc just let you down for a silly reason that he wants to go alone, sounds spoilt and selfish, obviously doesn't want your company so why stay with him.

amispeakingintongues · 22/09/2023 17:23

He sounds like a prat OP. You deserve better

Snds43 · 22/09/2023 17:16

Red flags all over.
Besides You've made the progress with your social anxiety that you talk about. Not him. He might have encouraged you, but you've done the work. You can keep on doing it without him.

LightSpeeds · 22/09/2023 16:50

Dump him.

He doesn't sound reliable, trustworthy or like HE GIVES A SHIT about disappointing you!

junbean · 22/09/2023 16:49

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 11:46

I think a lot of people have just echoed exactly what I’ve been thinking but I’m just so scared of not having him in my life anymore. I had such bad anxiety before I met him and on the one hand, he has let me down A LOT even when he knows how upset it makes me but he has also helped me a lot with my anxiety and encouraged me to go out and do things by myself and I’ve made such a lot of progress, I think I’m just scared I’m going to go back downhill without him having some sort of presence in my life if that makes sense?!

This is what therapists are for!

Nonplusultra · 22/09/2023 16:45

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 11:10

@Needmorelego he used to do it a lot in the beginning (first 3-4 months), always cancelling plans to spend time with friends and family instead, then he got better and now it looks like it’s going back to how it used to be again 🤷‍♀️

Why did you accept this? I don’t mean this unkindly but you absolutely are worth far more than this.

The best way to find a great partner is to eliminate the disappointing ones out of your life as quickly as possible

belgiumchocolates · 22/09/2023 16:37

he has also helped me a lot with my anxiety and encouraged me to go out and do things by myself and I’ve made such a lot of progress

Leave the relationship now with this under your belt. Uninviting you is rude and humiliating. There are also other red flags re his finances, the ex, and living with his parents.

Hold your head up high and move on.

Good luck OP

PhantomUnicorn · 22/09/2023 16:34

he'd be my ExBF unless he did some very fast talking at this point.

I'm a single mum, my BF lives a good 2.3hrs away, so any time we get has to be pre-arranged, if he mugged me off, then took someone else on our planned weekend, i'd be well pissed off and you should be too.

Ask him WTF he is playing at.

bowlingalleyblues · 22/09/2023 16:31

I wouldn’t do what he’s done to you to a single one of my friends.

Yalta · 22/09/2023 16:23

You are worth more than this

If he did it to you at the beginning of this relationship, then that was testing how far he could go

Now he feels more comfortable he is testing you again.

Who needs this shit.

If he feels testing you is appropriate behaviour then throw him back out there and teach him it is not.

LilyTheSavage · 22/09/2023 16:22

He should be an ex-BF by now. You deserve better.

BotterMon · 22/09/2023 16:21

Yep Muggy and now single. What a dick.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 22/09/2023 16:19

He's just not that into you. You live almost 2 hours apart. He's not really 'in' your day to day life, tbh. I'd call time on the whole thing and find someone who puts you first.

JFDIYOLO · 22/09/2023 16:13

Lives with Daddy at 28
Blames ex for money problems
Messes you about
Doesn't actually want to be with you

This manbaby is the CAUSE of your anxiety

Lovemusic82 · 22/09/2023 16:00

Spa7tak · 22/09/2023 15:52

Very harsh. He's a young man with problems,..ask him to explain the situation and it might all make sense

He’s 28 🤔

SomeCatFromJapan · 22/09/2023 16:00

He'd be straight up dumped for that but honestly it's in line with the poor treatment you've been accepting to date.

Spa7tak · 22/09/2023 15:52

Very harsh. He's a young man with problems,..ask him to explain the situation and it might all make sense

Helpmeout124 · 22/09/2023 15:48

If anyones seen the video on TikTok of the girl doing her makeup while talking about how her and her boyfriend are going to stop living together after years but stay together because it's always been his dream to live with his brother. (Who he grew up living with 🥴) and she's totally fine with it because it's his dream. Gurlllll.. same energy

Helpmeout124 · 22/09/2023 15:44

I agree with people above, what he's done is embarrassing! You've now got to make excuses to family and friends why your no longer going away this weekend but he still is. He's clowned you. And once you need to start making excuses for your partners behaviour it's done.

How silly are you going to feel now telling your baby sitter they're no longer needed because you're boyfriend changed his mind about taking you away and would rather take his dad. They're now gonna think he's a prick and you're a fool for allowing it. People on the outside can see it for what it is.

Isthisit22 · 22/09/2023 15:44

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:01

Mumsnet really is man hatting isn't it?
Poor guy - if the OP dumps him I think he's had a good escape 😂

What??? You think it’s fine to invite someone on a trip then just say- oh by the way I’m taking someone else instead?
It’s nothing to do with man hating. Just basic manners.
Sorry OP he’s just not into you. If you accept this, he can feel free to trample all over you in the future.

Lovemusic82 · 22/09/2023 15:32

BrawnWild · 22/09/2023 10:42

I would dump him.

Its disrespectful.
He has alternatives and could have planned another trip with his dad.
He has let you down significantly and embarrassed you. He is not reliable.

Fuck that. You can do better.

This. His actions tell you a lot. If he wanted to be with you he would have took you. He’s obviously not that into you if he would rather go with his dad (who he sees every day).