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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boyfriend is being really muggy?

290 replies

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 10:23

I have been with my boyfriend about a year now. We live about 1 hour 45 minutes away from each other. I have one child and he has none. I have my own home whereas he has had to move back home for a while because his ex got him into some financial difficulties (he is 28 years old and I am 27).

He had booked a surprise weekend for us that was meant to be today until Sunday. It was obviously a surprise when he booked it but he had to give me a few weeks notice to arrange the childcare and for the pets to be looked after.

He has had a really stressful last couple of weeks so said that he wanted to go alone. I was disappointed as it had been booked weeks in advance, I had gone to the trouble to arrange the childcare and for the animals and we don’t get to see each other on our own for quality time very much.

Fast forward to today and he is now taking his dad with him (the trip is to watch a sports game as I have wanted to watch one live for ages). He is definitely going with his dad as I could hear them speaking in the background when he rang.

AIBU to feel really pissed off and mugged off about this? He knows that I still have the childcare and everything arranged (my child still wanted to go and stay with relatives so I kept the plan the same for that) and instead of taking the opportunity to spend quality time with me, he has now suddenly decided that he doesn’t want to go alone but has chosen his dad instead?

OP posts:
BotterMon · 23/09/2023 17:46

Oh well done OP. You'll be fine, It takes guts to do what you have done in view of the anxiety you spoke about. Glad you have a lovely day and here's to many more 💐

MarvellousMonsters · 23/09/2023 17:17

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 23:21

Well he ended up randomly blocking me anyway 🤷‍♀️😂 so I sent him one last text on my other phone telling him what a twat he was and that he was never welcome back in my life and that I’m definitely due an upgrade - definitely won’t lower my standards like that for a person again!

Thank you all for your lovely replies and responses 💐

It’s going to be hard adjusting to life without him for a while but it’s probably a lot easier in the long run than being upset every single weekend when he never wants to do anything with me and every single child free night I have i’m sat by myself! X

It wasn't random. He's a fuckwit. You've dodged a bullet.

MarvellousMonsters · 23/09/2023 17:15

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 10:51

@ManateeFair what....you've never had a situation come up with a parent that they really need to spend some time with you so plans change?
There could be 1001 reasons.

Why does he need to go away for the weekend to spend time with his dad, when he lives with his dad?? Are you serious??

However it is possible to have your finances/credit rating screwed by a partner, it's happened to me, and to a man I know. If you have joint finances and debts occur you can end up bailing them out and get shafted. And, this isn't the issue here.

He's invited you away, then, when you've gone to great lengths to be able to go, he's uninvited you (rude) and is taking his "dad" instead. Yeah, right. Nope.

LTB

Move on.

Catsafterme · 23/09/2023 16:51

@DeepDishCookie78 Glad you are feeling positive and had a nice day out. Anger is normal and so is crying so if and when that comes roll with it, all part of the process.

There will be someone better suited thats worth it and this period won't even be a second thought.

NalafromtheLionKing · 23/09/2023 16:47

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 10:56

He’s just not that into you.

Please - ensure your contraception is water tight.

No contraception needed if he were my (STBX) BF

azlazee1 · 23/09/2023 16:45

Dump him.

Aprilx · 23/09/2023 16:42

Needmorelego · 22/09/2023 11:09

@AutumnFroglets the OP hasn't given any indication this is his normal behaviour. So once in a year of dating he has changed plans.
Once.
So there must be something else going on.
Doesn't mean he is a dick/bastard/waste of space/whatever.

This is a bit more than a change of plans!

Original poster
DeepDishCookie78 · 23/09/2023 16:34

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words 💐 it hasn’t hit me as much yet, I haven’t had a cry yet, I think I’m still just so angry at how he has treated me and the cheek of it really!

But, I’ve had a lovely day out with my family and my daughter that’s taken my mind off of it, I can see now that I was blinded by the good parts of him - him being good with my daughter, him helping me with my anxiety - but there will be other people out there that can do that too AND want to spend quality time with me and make an effort without having to be asked let alone begged!

I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend! 💐❤️

OP posts:
sodthesodoff · 23/09/2023 16:30

Hey @DeepDishCookie78 thinking of you. Hope you're having a lovely weekend.

I know it's shit right now. But I think he's done you a favour. You deserve way more.

Enjoy your weekend. Looks after yourself. Do all the things you want to do but never have time. Ice cream officially has no calories this weekend. Get some sun on your face. Get a good film/box set on.

This is the start of your future. You're so much better off without him Flowers

DottyLottieLou · 23/09/2023 16:29

It might not feel like it now but it really is better to be by yourself than with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. He might try and wangle his way back in with lots of promises but don't fall for it. Remember he reverted to type in the end. There will be someone better round the corner ( normally when you stop looking) All the best.

literalviolence · 23/09/2023 16:29

Oh dear OP what a horrible experience. You have had a lucky escape though. There can be no true happiness with a man like that.

Lovemusic82 · 23/09/2023 16:20

I think you’ve had a lucky escape. He obviously didn’t care about you and treated you badly. If he wanted to be with you he would jump at any chance to spend a weekend with you. I know you probably feel a bit rubbish about it right now but you will find someone who appreciates you and is excited about spending time with you.

Gmary20 · 23/09/2023 16:15

He doesn't want to be with you, take the hint.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2023 14:19

He didn't even have the balls to end it. Just blocking someone is a despicable thing to do.

I'm sorry he has treated you like this @DeepDishCookie78 Flowers

Olika · 23/09/2023 14:04

Stay strong and don't go back to him. You are worth so much better. And d the sooner you get rid of wrong ones, the sooner you can meet the right one.

JFDIYOLO · 23/09/2023 00:01

Free!

Now time to care for yourself, build confidence and wellbeing

Then start thinking about maybe meeting a decent bloke nearby who wants to be with you

Catsafterme · 22/09/2023 23:32

Honestly, what is wrong with people...what was that all about?!

Sorry it didn't go well but least you can move forward now instead of wasting more time on him. There will be someone better out there I'm sure.

AutumnFroglets · 22/09/2023 23:26

Well he ended up randomly blocking me anyway
Oh crikey OP. Sorry you found out the hard way that this guy was a grade A loser. Onwards and upwards. What are you plans now you are free of him, children and pets?

Lolasgame · 22/09/2023 23:24

💪🏻💐

Original poster
DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 23:21

Well he ended up randomly blocking me anyway 🤷‍♀️😂 so I sent him one last text on my other phone telling him what a twat he was and that he was never welcome back in my life and that I’m definitely due an upgrade - definitely won’t lower my standards like that for a person again!

Thank you all for your lovely replies and responses 💐

It’s going to be hard adjusting to life without him for a while but it’s probably a lot easier in the long run than being upset every single weekend when he never wants to do anything with me and every single child free night I have i’m sat by myself! X

OP posts:
Nagado · 22/09/2023 19:25

DeepDishCookie78 · 22/09/2023 11:46

I think a lot of people have just echoed exactly what I’ve been thinking but I’m just so scared of not having him in my life anymore. I had such bad anxiety before I met him and on the one hand, he has let me down A LOT even when he knows how upset it makes me but he has also helped me a lot with my anxiety and encouraged me to go out and do things by myself and I’ve made such a lot of progress, I think I’m just scared I’m going to go back downhill without him having some sort of presence in my life if that makes sense?!

He’s had a stressful time so his first thought is to cancel the time he was planning on spending with you, rather than using time with you to relax and de stress?

What do you think this sort of behaviour is doing to your self esteem?

Clymene · 22/09/2023 19:07

He's treated you like shit since the beginning. And now he's really trying to end it but he's too lazy and weak to do it.

Just block him. He deserves nothing more.

whatamess100 · 22/09/2023 18:49

I'd be livid!!! He wants to dump you but is too weak so hes hoping you do the dumping!

CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 18:39

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/09/2023 10:25

It’s not ideal but I wonder whether his dad pressured him and he felt obliged because he’s living in their house.
Just ask him why.

He didn't need to tell his dad at all.

He clearly resents spending money on OP.

SomeCatFromJapan · 22/09/2023 18:37

Are you a man ? The thing is straight women usually have experience with being on the shitty end of the stick with these types of men. If it walks like a duck and all that.

Ha ha I am not. I've met those men and put up with their crap as a younger woman, I certainly wouldn't now and would advise no other woman to.