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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my kids be loud outside?

293 replies

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 02:19

When my kids were babies the house next door was sold. The new owners were noisy, music on outside, car doors slamming at 2 in the morning, nothing serious just annoying. I asked them a couple of times if the could be considerate but it made no difference.

Now they have a baby and my kids play outside. They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life. I had a note a few weeks ago asking to limit the kids outside but ignored it. The neighbour has just been around and asked if my kids could stop bouncing the ball in the yard. I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to. I have said no you just have to live with it. He got upset as it’s annoying and wakes the baby. I said I understand as we had the same issue with them when the kids were little, but they will just have to live with it like we did.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
OneMoreCookieMonster · 20/09/2023 09:38

Why stop your children having fun doing a healthy physical activity? I rather mine were out playing than on screen.

The times you have set in place are reasonable.

Your kids are being healthy and active kids. As long as they aren't fighting and shrieking, I seriously don't see the problem.

Listen to kids play is part of living in a community.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 20/09/2023 09:30

I'm not sure that 4 hours every weekday and 11 hours every weekend day is exactly limiting the amount of time they can make noise. I'd go bloody mad if I were your neighbour.

ParkingTrouble123 · 20/09/2023 09:29

That sounds like normal kids playing to me. The times of day are perfectly reasonable and it’s all within the bounds of what you should learn to put up with if you live near other people. It’s great your kids are playing sport rather than on their iPads all day. I have a baby too and if something noisy is going on outside that might wake her I put her in the other side of the house.

2weekstowait · 20/09/2023 08:59

My house used to be the house where all the kids were playing ball games. Now my kids are older and don't do it, but a neighbours kids play basketball and make a fair bit of noise. It doesn't bother me at all, children growing up and playing is a part of life. People moan about children staying in on screens all the time, yet also don't want them to be noisy outside?

user76541055773 · 20/09/2023 08:58

YABVVU about the ball bouncing. It’s an incredibly annoying noise. Personally I wouldn’t dream of letting my kids play basketball anywhere other than on a court. Massively antisocial.

YANBU about other general play noise.

Redebs · 20/09/2023 08:55

So you've effectively turned into them before they knew better? In your head, you are punishing them and their small baby for how you felt in the past. Did you ever ask them to be more considerate then, by the way?

You admit that the sound of the ball drives you mad, but you are prepared to let it go on because it disturbs your neighbours and that gives you pleasure.

What about the rest of the neighbourhood having to listen to this relentless ball pounding noise?

What about the selfish attitude you are encouraging in your boys? They are gleefully upsetting people's rest and peace with their mum's encouragement. What's that doing for their empathy and manners?

Time to grow up OP. Move on and be a better person. Set a better example for your kids.

LlynTegid · 20/09/2023 08:53

Anyone other than your neighbours I'd consider you being unreasonable. However, in this case, they reap what they sow.

MillenialAvocado · 20/09/2023 08:50

I thought YANBU until I read they only played the music once a month until 11pm. Now I feel sorry for them.

Worriednanof1 · 20/09/2023 08:41

DameWhiskers · 20/09/2023 07:27

@Worriednanof1

Did you read the op? Who mentioned screaming?

The OP? Here: "They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life," and "The screaming is minimal, I think it’s the constant bouncing that is annoying (it annoys me too)".

It's the minimisation of the shouting and screaming that makes me think it could be perhaps somewhat louder than OP believes it is.

The screaming was not mentioned in the original post, only since.

Original poster
Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 08:34

Just to clarify they don’t play outside all the times listed. Those are the limits of when they can play outside. They are outdoors maybe 10 minutes in the morning, and two hours in the afternoon during the week. The weekend is a bit of a mix. Some days four hours outside some days one hour.
The neighbours don’t want any ball bouncing.

I did ask the neighbours not to be so noisy and I was ignored.

If they had respected me I would limit the boys to one hour a day.

But after reading the responses on here I will stop the morning play, and limit two hours at a time then take at least an hour break.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 20/09/2023 08:27

Aquestioningmind · 20/09/2023 08:04

This ^.

Their child will likely be just as noisy when your DC are studying for exams etc and they won’t give a toss.

Ignore people saying do the neighbourly thing - your neighbours have done sweet sod all to deserve it.

Show quote history

And in 10 years time there will be a thread saying “my neighbours are complaining about my children making noise because their children are revising, but when mine was a baby I asked them to scale the outside noise back a bit and they did nothing. Am I unreasonable”

the Op is just as selfish as the neighbour. Possibly more given it seems it was a party once a month or so and doors shutting so not the same level of constant

Snugglemonkey · 20/09/2023 08:24

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 05:49

I don’t think there is anything worse than a ball constantly bouncing. But they couldn’t care less that they were making too much noise. There is no point suggesting my boys do something different. They won’t.

You could make them. I would. No ball games are allowed in my garden.

JMSA · 20/09/2023 08:08

In fact, as far as noise annoyance goes, you're much worse.

JMSA · 20/09/2023 08:06

So what you're saying is, you're absolutely no better than they are.

DinnaeFashYersel · 20/09/2023 08:06

It's perfectly reasonable for your kids to play in the garden during reasonable hours.

As long as they are t screaming and screeching.

Your neighbours are both unreasonable and unrealistic.

Aquestioningmind · 20/09/2023 08:04

Nandocushion · 20/09/2023 05:56

OP leave your kids to play. In a few years your neighbours' child will be doing exactly the same, and they've already shown you they won't give a toss if it bothers you, so then it will be your turn to live with the noise.

This ^.

Their child will likely be just as noisy when your DC are studying for exams etc and they won’t give a toss.

Ignore people saying do the neighbourly thing - your neighbours have done sweet sod all to deserve it.

megletthesecond · 20/09/2023 07:55

Yanbu. I had neighbours like this once. They moaned they could hear my baby crying. Short of sedating my child there wasn't much I could do. Some people are weird.

Ifulikepinacoladas · 20/09/2023 07:52

Nandocushion · 20/09/2023 05:56

OP leave your kids to play. In a few years your neighbours' child will be doing exactly the same, and they've already shown you they won't give a toss if it bothers you, so then it will be your turn to live with the noise.

Exactly this.

Hesma · 20/09/2023 07:48

🤣🤣🤣Karma🤣🤣🤣

Nightowlprobs · 20/09/2023 07:47

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 20/09/2023 07:46

I'd buy your dc a softer ball so they can carry on bouncing and playing but without so much noise!

This is a great idea! Problem solved for all.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 20/09/2023 07:46

I'd buy your dc a softer ball so they can carry on bouncing and playing but without so much noise!

Nightowlprobs · 20/09/2023 07:46

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 06:11

If it’s not basketball it’s inside on screens. I can’t force them to take an interest in outdoor mime.

They do play in teams. They aren’t outside all the time. I won’t limit them to an hour a day. I’m more concerned for my children’s wellbeing than my neighbours.

I think good for you for saying that to your neighbour and let your kids carry on. Those aren’t unreasonable hours and kids should be playing outside not indoors all the time.

Babies can sleep through noise so I don’t buy it either. Lots of babies sleep best in noisy cafes etc.

But, if it’s genuinely waking the baby up, you could ask your kids to play a non-ball sport between those hours or move the basketball hoop? But I don’t know if I would bother if they weren’t inclined to be less noisy for you.

Bouncyball23 · 20/09/2023 07:42

Kids cant do anything these days, people have gotten so used to them sitting inside on computer games that they get annoyed by the slightest little nosie they make. I would cut the morning time before school one and maybe make it 10.30 am on weekends but that's it. Let your kids be kids and play.

ruby1957 · 20/09/2023 07:37

Alighttouchonthetiller · 20/09/2023 06:27

It's this approach to parenting that makes teaching kids in secondary school such a bloody battle. By the time they get to us they are used to doing whatever they like, whenever they feel like it. You are the parent. Do everyone a favour and do some parenting.

Show quote history

Absolutely this - children need to learn from an early age that the world does not revolve around what they 'want to do'.
Children at 8 and 10 can and should learn respect for others otherwise they can grow up as selfish humans with a sense of entitlement that they can do what the like!

Totaly · 20/09/2023 07:34

I want to know what the neighbours said when you told them straight