To let my kids be loud outside?

Really? Don't kids go out to play on their bikes anymore?😅

YANBU about wanting your kids to be outside in their own garden as much as possible. I’m a primary school teacher, I know how loud boys of that age are when playing and it’s pretty loud! But nevertheless, they should be out enjoying themselves rather than being indoors gaming. Equally, I understand why your neighbours may be feeling the way they are as I have been there. Especially when it’s your first baby, you worry about every little sound waking them up from that precious sleep as it is so very very precious when they’re not good sleepers!! They will realise as their child grows up and spends time outside making lots of noise that they were maybe a little unfair on you too. Especially when they have a second child who learns to sleep through every possible noise and gets woken up constantly by their older sibling … and they realise that they were being very precious indeed!

My suggestion would be to take a peace offering round to theirs and discuss it properly as adults. Empathise with them as they are sleep deprived new parents who are stuck in their little bubble where all that matters is their new bundle of joy, whilst also gently reminding them that your boys are still your babies too and are just as important. Ask them whether there are any times of the day that they particularly need it to be quiet and try and accommodate that whilst agreeing on other times when your boys can be out bouncing that ball. I’m sure you could limit the ball to just 1 hour a day and then they do other things for the rest of their time outside. Could they use a large sponge ball that doesn’t make as much noise? Or put some rubber matting down to reduce the noise? Is there a park nearby that they could go to at difficult times of the time? I think you should find a compromise as, ultimately, you are both parents trying to put the needs of your children first.

I play basketball myself and would love to get my kids into it but basketballs belong in courts and parks and estates with bigger communal spaces. Basketballs don’t belong in family gardens. Let your kids make as much noise as they like but ditch the basketball.

I'm really sorry we have 4 and never once had anyone say about noise levels. You do have to learn to respect others also cmon

My next door neighbours (not attached) have three boys. Lovely lads, very polite and pleasant, but boys. Noisy boys.
They have a trampoline. They have footballs. They have a basketball hoop. They have a pogo stick (I didn't know they even still made them).
Shouting and laughing, l can cope with. Even for hours on end, l can zone it out, or turn the tv up.
What l cannot cope with is the constant thud of a ball. On, as PP said, concrete.
I came home from work one day and there were five footballs in my back garden. They used to come and collect them, but there's a big bramble bush (full of fruit, so l don't want to cut it back yet) in the way from the front to the back garden so now l throw them back over the fence.
They knock on the door, ask very politely, say please and thank you, so l don't mind. I'm more than happy to lob the ball back, they shout 'thank you katseyes!' from the garden when l do. They're nice boys, a nice family.
But after six weeks solid of thudding footballs, bikes and scooters on and off kerbs right outside my house, screaming, yelling (not just the boys next door, the entire estate full of kids, it felt like some days) I'm looking to move house as soon as l can.
I'm seriously not being overdramatic when l say it ruined my mental health over the summer. One day it went on from 10 in the morning until 10 at night, constantly. I sat and cried for hours, l had nowhere to go to get away from it.
I honestly don't mind kids playing. But (and l have friends with children who have said this) l think parents get so used to the noise kids make, they have no idea how it can affect other people.
I'm prepared to get flamed for this, but it affects people in different ways.
I'm not well and l just want peace and quiet. I was actually working six and seven days just to get out of the house during the school holidays.
It's much better now it's just a few hours after school, l can cope with that. But l honestly cannot face another six weeks of it next year.

Basket ball bouncing is my room 101.

Before 9am is harsh. After 7pm is harsh

I hate inconsiderate noise from neighbours, but kids living in their own house, doing what everyone says they should be doing (getting some excersize outside)? That's just life isn't it? Their kid will make all sorts of noisey rackets before they fly the nest, no doubt. Babies sleep (or don't) when all sorts of noises are being made. A whole neighbourhood can't fit round their schedule.

Fwiw, I would be less inclined to pander to neighbours who had been historically inconsiderate, too.

@Imtheterribleneighbour

I don't think that a baby should be annoyed and sleep deprived because their parents were jerks 10 years ago.

None of you have respect for each other. You deserve each other as neighbours. Two wrongs don’t make a right so I’d start parenting.

I think he is unreasonable to ask you to not let the kids play outside

But I think you are unreasonable for letting them bounce a basket ball enough for it to be a sound track to your life. That would drive me insane. Send them to the park to play basket ball or put some time limits on the bouncing.

Are you kidding? I grew up in the 90s and if I’d annoyed one of the neighbours she would have come out and bollocked me herself. And then told my mum so I got another at home.

Where is this mythical child-centred past land of milk and honey? I remember much less pandering to the developmental whims of the little darlings in previous decades. It was lovely.

The repetitive noise of a ball bouncing daily is not even comparable to “Loud music until 11 about once a month on a Saturday night”.
I think YABVU.

We went to view a house recently where the kid next door was repeatedly bouncing a ball. Took me two minutes to end the viewing and leave. I would have had a breakdown listening to that on a loop, so YABU for sure.

Also, I really don’t like the glee you’re taking in your neighbour’s misery or the lazy parenting. Have a word with yourself.

Totally agree with you!!!

Neighbours are annoying- for every ball bouncing child there’s a 7.30am lawn mower, a DIY drilling fanatic, a yapping dog, a shitty street parker, an idiot with a security light directed right into your bedroom window…

Its life in a built up area. And in the main, it’s tough shit.

And if you’re irritated by someone, you can bet your life you’re pissing someone else off in turn, probably without realising. Ball bouncing might the ‘the most irritating thing’ to you- but what you do in the general course of your life might be ‘the most irritating thing’ to someone else.

OP- You sound like you’re being broadly considerate, without stopping your kids from doing something that they love, within reasonable hours.

Crack on- and give it a few years til their kids are out with balls of their own!!!!

They are children playing in their own garden. You shouldn’t have to limit their time or make them be quiet. They’re children doing what children should be doing - enjoying themselves.

Your kids are allowed to play outside... i would be embarrassed for myself as a parent if i allowed someone to stop my kids from playing in their own garden 😅

@Imtheterribleneighbour

Do you really think they're going to stop their chikd doing annoying stuff? It'll feel like 5 minutes until their child ud bouncing a ball or screaming in the garden, will they keep it quiet to stop it annoying you???

let your kids be kids! They're playing, not being obnoxious.

I've been here 13 years now, 13 years of 4 kids - balls/basket ball hoop/football/trampoline/various musical instruments, now it's drinking parties. They're all very loud people too.

none of it malicious, just bloody noisy!

it's life unless you can afford to live far away from anyone else!!

dont let your kids bounce a ball outside at all, it is really annoying

You both sound like the neighbours from hell. So I suppose it's six of one.

We unfortunately live in a very selfish and judgmental world these days.
If you let your children stay inside on electronics you are a bad parent, if you let your children play outside you are a bad neighbour.

The op said she doesn't let the children out too early or too late and that they are not outside all day everyday, that is conciderate.

The neighbours had no consideration regarding noise when your children were little but now want to change the standard that they set. That may sound harsh to some.

If you do limit you childrens time outside even further what will happen in the future? When their baby is older and is being noisy outside screaming and playing will they also limit their childs time outside?

I would not be petty.
I would just remind your children not to scream and shout to much outside out of respect in general.

I was really keen to say YANBU but your description of what they actually were like, as annoying as it was, compared to your kids bouncing a ball loads AND this poor attitude towards parenting... nah YABU

From what you say it doesn't sound like neighbours were making noise all day like your kids sometimes are.

Reading this they don't sound too bad tbh. Noise between 7-11 is within noise regulations and music once a month isn't exactly regular. Car doors are momentary and would barely make me stir. Hours of thudding basketballs sound much worse to me.

I can see how this must be very satisfying for you. I think I'd enjoy ignoring their request too. But I don't think you can equate the occasional car door slam or loud music with the constant, repetitive, draining, infuriating sound of a ball bouncing for literally hours. It's like water torture. I'd have stabbed the ball with a screwdriver by now.