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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my kids be loud outside?

293 replies

Imtheterribleneighbour · 20/09/2023 02:19

When my kids were babies the house next door was sold. The new owners were noisy, music on outside, car doors slamming at 2 in the morning, nothing serious just annoying. I asked them a couple of times if the could be considerate but it made no difference.

Now they have a baby and my kids play outside. They aren’t too bad, a little bit of shouting but the bouncing of a basketball is now the soundtrack to my life. I had a note a few weeks ago asking to limit the kids outside but ignored it. The neighbour has just been around and asked if my kids could stop bouncing the ball in the yard. I said as I already limit when they can be outside (it’s 830 - 845 in the morning and 330 -730 in the afternoon during the week and 930 - 800 on weekends) it’s not constantly happening in those times but limited to. I have said no you just have to live with it. He got upset as it’s annoying and wakes the baby. I said I understand as we had the same issue with them when the kids were little, but they will just have to live with it like we did.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Mooy · 22/09/2023 02:54

I dint think your making the point you think you are. Literally the issue is children making a reasonable amount noise withing reasonable hours. Her kids aren't 'shrieking', and the rest of your 'points' speak for themselves. Kids are allowed to exist. Get over yourself

pollymere · 22/09/2023 00:21

I have no sympathy for your neighbours. When next door have their kid singing tunelessly at stupid o clock or playing with her basketball hoop, I think how annoying mine must have been. Their baby will soon be growing up and making a racket that you haven't complained about. Don't limit how much your children play in your garden! By the time the weather is good enough for them to be regularly playing outside, the baby will be causing you a load of grief I suspect.

hotcandle · 21/09/2023 22:31

YABU & I wouldn't be surprised if your neighbours start to retaliate and tell you to deal with it.

Ball noise is intolerable.

wednesdayatone · 21/09/2023 22:16

I wouldn’t worry too much

Well it’s winter soon so I can’t imagine they will be out too much then.

Noodles1234 · 21/09/2023 21:52

7:30pm finish for bouncing balls / screaming kids on weekdays is possibly a little late for me, fair play to be playing, but id say after 7pm to tone it down a bit.

however, as they were pains in the backsides until recently it must feel most sweet to tell them exactly what they were like.

people don’t realise until it affects them, I hope you enjoy this!

TotheMooncup · 21/09/2023 21:36

I’m really wondering when the world changed so much that the sound of children playing in the garden went from pleasant background noise to unbearable racket.

ThaTrìCaitAgam · 21/09/2023 21:34

I totally understand your point of view. But I want to warn you: when their baby is 8 years old, your children will be teenagers who want to sleep in. And when teenagers are woken up before 11 AM, during the weekends, they’ll be grumpy all day. And so will you.

Anothagoatthis · 21/09/2023 21:14

Imtheterribleneighbour · 21/09/2023 03:21

I can get them to come inside and do something else. I can’t make them play outside without a ball that doesn’t involve annoying the crap out of each other and then a lot of shouting. I was hoping to get responses from people that actually have kids the same ages, not people with babies that suddenly have all the answers.

Well I am the quiet neighbour who doesn’t have parties etc but fwiw I think YANBU.

I think kids playing with a ball is just ordinary children having fun outside noise, and it’s a shame so many are intolerant of that nowadays.

It’s definitely good for them to be playing outside and getting fresh air so if they’re not breaking anyone’s windows with the ball - let them play on!

Nanaof1 · 21/09/2023 21:05

Nofurme · 21/09/2023 19:30

OP let your kids play! They are not outside non stop nor are you doing it to ‘get back’ at neighbors. How is it unreasonable to let 2 kids play on their own garden a few hours a week with a basketball!!
Yes bouncing noises can be annoying but there are a hundred more annoying noises out there than a couple of small kids playing basketball together. Mine and my neighbors kids are often out with balls and eventually you time it out - I tend to be more glad they are outside having fun doing something constructive.
I think the hours you let them play between are super reasonable and should work well - it’s not late and kids need to be able to play.

previous neighbor history has no bearing on it my thoughts - only that the kids should be able to play in their garden together with a ball in these reasonable times you’ve set

I agree. On my street, when mine were young (and most of the street had children), hearing the bouncing of a basketball was so normal, we all just blocked it out. Between that and the noise of the "Big Wheels" clackety-clack and noise from plastic versus cement, one learned to block everything out except screams of fear, hurt or anger. Kids=commotion, noise and fun.

peachesarenom · 21/09/2023 20:59

Let your kids enjoy their garden! The neighbours were not considerate why should you be? If you knew when the baby was napping then you might be able to accommodate but your kids should be able to enjoy their own garden!

Lorieandrews · 21/09/2023 20:58

Once @Imtheterribleneighbour OP my neighbour got a letter telling her her children weren’t allowed to play on the road outside her house for safety reasons and cos someone complained

she lived at a dead end. No traffic
and it was also gated…..so not sure how unsafe that was!
they also played out maybe 30 mins once a week?!?! Can I just say they ended up finding out which neighbour said it as the others were sooooo horrified they all sent letters in (except one) and lo and behold it was my friends closet neighbour. They’d even drive her to her wedding! And she went and did that. Petty. Petty

so trust me. Let your kids play out!

NorthernSarcasticandDownrightFantastic · 21/09/2023 20:19

You're "that parent" clearly...

Solonge · 21/09/2023 19:41

Just remember in a few years their kid(s) will be playing outside, if you dont mind being deafened then, let your kids be noisy now, but they wont be accommodating you if you are letting uour kids keep their baby awake!

Tigger1895 · 21/09/2023 19:36

Just thread carefully. Your children will grow out of this, just as their child will start doing it. You won’t be in any position to complain and if you do, they’ll simply ignore you and their child might be worse or actively encouraged

Concernedfriend2023 · 21/09/2023 19:35

I'm genuinely surprised by the amount of people saying you should further limit the time your kids spend outside. They're not screaming. Playing basketball in their own garden within day time hours is perfectly reasonable.

Nofurme · 21/09/2023 19:30

OP let your kids play! They are not outside non stop nor are you doing it to ‘get back’ at neighbors. How is it unreasonable to let 2 kids play on their own garden a few hours a week with a basketball!!
Yes bouncing noises can be annoying but there are a hundred more annoying noises out there than a couple of small kids playing basketball together. Mine and my neighbors kids are often out with balls and eventually you time it out - I tend to be more glad they are outside having fun doing something constructive.
I think the hours you let them play between are super reasonable and should work well - it’s not late and kids need to be able to play.

previous neighbor history has no bearing on it my thoughts - only that the kids should be able to play in their garden together with a ball in these reasonable times you’ve set

fetchacloth · 21/09/2023 19:05

Sorry, but the constantly bouncing ball for hours a day would completely do my head in. It's a deal breaker for me, I think it would be for many really 😑
Can't you take them to a local park or similar to let off steam elsewhere?

Zerosleep · 21/09/2023 19:01

Got to be honest, given how they behaved when you asked for the same level of courtesy, I would think fuck them and just carry on regardless. What goes around comes around right?!?

missg00se · 21/09/2023 18:51

I honestly can’t think of any reason why children that age would need to be outside bouncing a ball between 8.30 and 8.45am on weekdays. Are they not getting ready for school? If I had a new baby and I’d had a bad night and that started up at 8.30 I’d lose my mind. Do they really have that much pent-up energy at that time in the morning? Maybe just knock the (for some) early morning basketball on the head and see if it helps?

Jamandbreadsupper · 21/09/2023 18:18

She sounds like my neighbor, music till 1am when we had a new baby and friends round shouting and screaming, not to mention the play station base through the walls. We’ve made noise probably on thee occasions and maybe 9 at the latest (on a time limit so had to be done to be ready for workmen coming) and we get banging on the walls. We were told off passive aggressively because we had a bbq two days in a row. They have one most weekends, not that it bothers me but it does make me think how it bothered her. Although it does bring me peace knowing her partner slept with someone else (not sure if she knows) but hope it brings her daily misery! his mates informed me he was leaving soon as kid was grown. He’s still there and looks happy to me so whether he’s bull sh*tting his mates to save face. Who knows, but I’m not the one that has to share a bed and see her vile face every morning. I’m willing to work together to live harmoniously but some people make it impossible so good on you for giving them the same treatment they handed to you ! I’m guessing when their kids grow up ball bouncing and kids screaming won’t be an issue to them and you’ll suffer all over again. That’s when you can arrange some home renovations x

CallMeBettyBoop · 21/09/2023 18:04

Sux2buthen · 20/09/2023 06:21

They're kids playing together in their own garden in reasonable hours. That's how life should be
I'd possibly say not before 9 if it was me but the rest is to be expected.

This. Let kids be kids, within reasonable hours of course.

gogomoto · 21/09/2023 16:37

Bouncing balls for hours is far more annoying than a door slam or even music. I get your point but I think that it should be limited to no more than an hour per day, and that's still annoying

Dreamstate · 21/09/2023 16:34

Well one day the neighbours kids will grow up and start bouncing balls in their garden all day long and making a ton of noise, just when your kids will be older and you might finally get more peace and quiet... so as others have said...karma.....

SoRainbowRhythms · 21/09/2023 16:32

user1477391263 · 21/09/2023 12:51

I'm quite shocked at how many people on mumsnet of all places apparently find the sound of children playing unbearable and seem to think kids shouldn't be allowed to play outside or myst be silent at all times to accommodate their grouchy attitude!

There are loads of childfree posters these days and I do feel that it's changed the tone of some of the conversations.

If you took time to RTFT, you'd see the majority of posters have mentioned their own children. Can't blame the pesky child free enemy this time.

Mgs1234 · 21/09/2023 16:25

Absolutely not being unreasonable and like someone else said, karma is great.
I’m very conscious of how loud my two are when they are in garden, aged 7 & 3, but kids will be kids. I do encourage them to keep it down and have respect for the neighbours, but I’d be less likely to do that if I’d had to put up with what you have in the past. They need to get over it.

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