Dating a man who is obsessed with his child

Obsessed - preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually and to a troubling extent.

Err.. no he shouldn't be obsessed.

Poor kid, and if he has built his life around everything the kids says and does, he is building himself up for a fall when the kid becomes a teen and tells him to naff off.

just because he’s a dad doesn’t mean he has to be boring. He sounds boring

Nobody is saying that he shouldn’t but would you like to date someone who constantly talks about one subject all day and doesn’t seem interested in you? I just find people who talk repeatedly about either themselves or their family constantly are extremely self centered and are not interested in the other person whatsoever. Talking about your children on a date is fine. I always bring up the topic of my children and love to hear about the children of the man I’m dating, however I could not stand a full date where the whole topic is about the other person’s children. I would never just sit there and talk about my kids non stop, I like to ask questions about the other person and get to know them

He should be obsessed with his child.

When OLD I normally have a quick phone call before meeting for the first time. I recently had a chat with a man who talked constantly about his 8 year old child. Wonder if it's the same one?

It was very strange. I'm absolutely not interested in anyone else's kids. I've got my own, who I think are the best in the world, but don't mention them to dates.

We were only going to meet for a coffee, not get married!

Def red flag OP.

There is no indication whatsoever whether a parent is a good parent or bad parent from how much they talk about them. None.

The only thing for sure is that the parent is boring.

I get where you are coming from op. I have 2 kids of my own and they will ALWAYS come first above any man I date. However, I think what you are saying is that his son is brought up in every conversation so really this man his talking about himself and his son and not really interested in getting to know you as such. There was a woman at my workplace who used to constantly talk about her grandkids and every conversation we had with her, even if it was unrelated to kids, she would always bring her family and her grandkids into the conversation somehow and turn it into a conversation all about her family. And whilst I’m sure her family was dear to her and meant the world, it really does get monotonous and boring for the other people having to listen to it.

I only ever date men with kids because then they understand my situation and I understand theirs. I love to talk about each other’s kids but I think I would find it extremely self centered, boring and monotonous if their kids were dragged up in every conversation. And although my kids mean the world to me, I wouldn’t drag them up in every conversation either.

Some people seem to lack basic skills in how to interact with people and build a rapport. I always try to make myself aware if I feel I may be talking about myself or my family/ kids too much and change the subject, ask the other person about them etc

You can love and care for your child without talking about him or her every single time of the day.

This is a big, loudly flapping flag indicating a lack of basic compatibility with this man. You're not wrong to want what you want from him, but it's not in his nature to be that way. If it's bothering you this much now, imagine how it will be if you end up living together.

I don't agree he is obsessed, because if he was he would not be dating in the first place. He is obviously interested in women and not just his son, or there would be no dates!

It wouldn't bother me as i find kids interesting but if it does you he's not right for you.

It sounds like this is a relatively new relationship, you don't know him that well, and the problem has been there for the entire time you've known him? If so, and you've done the usual things like trying to change the subject to something specific you both enjoy or even saying "no kid talk tonight!" and he still persists, you're probably not compatible. Why keep seeing him if he bores you/you can't get close enough too see if there's something there?

Overall, it's great that he loves and centers his child but it's not healthy that he can't/won't shift focus to you/your relationship for a few hours at a time when his son's safe and taken care of elsewhere. He's very likely capable about talking about other things - assuming that he works or is in school, I doubt he's shifting the focus to Little Billy every time his boss or professor asks a question about work! - but is choosing not to when he sees you.

I'd bet that if it wasn't his son he would be monopolising the conversation about some other passion of his.

The key thing is that he has no self-awareness or willingness to have a two-way conversation which both parties are engaged in, that to me is the red flag not what he is actually talking about.

then don't date him. problem solved

See, I find being an excellent father a very worthy and attractive trait. I couldn't be with a crap dad.

However, what you're describing is extremely boring. One can be an attentive parent with harping on incessantly about one's offspring! As with everything in life, it's all about balance.

No, not at all. The comments suggesting this shows what an amazing Dad he is are mystifying.

But you need to get to know who he is too, and vice versa. If you want to off load about a hard day or discuss things happening on the world, so you really twist every conversation to be about your child?

Absolutely this.

But maybe he's trying to find some common ground (i.e. you both have kids?) because he's nervous about making conversation?

Well most parents feel that way about their kids, but most of us manage to have other topics of conversation when we're with other people. When I meet my friends we catch up on what's going on in our adult kids' lives and then move on to other subjects - that's normal, and it would be crushingly dull if one of us had no other conversation other than their DC.

OP, he just sounds really boring, so throw him back.

PMSL.

Adults who have nothing to talk about but their children are incredibly boring. I disagree that children have to be ‘your whole world ‘too. You’ve created little people, you have to teach them to be their own person. They’re not an extension of you!
Try to date men who don’t have children. Who could be arsed with the hassle of step kids and ex wives?

Couldn’t be doing with that (and I have DC) there is nothing more boring than people that are incapable of talking about anything other than their precious offspring.

Sweet that he’s a loving father, but I’d run a mile.

This!

Lovely that he adores his son. Still, I couldn't be with someone who was only talking about his own child (and not balancing with convo about your life, your children etc).

Right, well don’t go out with him then. It’s not exactly hard to figure out.

Bit weird to constantly be talking about his kid. And pretty boring.

Seems like he is over compensating. Does the child actually exist?