Dating a man who is obsessed with his child

Maybe hes really boring and thats his only topic of conversation.

He sounds like a pain in the arse. He has no idea.

Thank you. I don’t get how people are making it seem like OP is saying he shouldn’t love his child, you can love your child while also have space and time for other people, it is actually obsessive to be so absorbed with your child, or frankly anything or anyone.

And do you spend every single second with your friends talking about how amazing your kids are? For some reason people seem to miss the point OP is making.

The dad's I've known who do this were very uninvolved while with the Mother, hence the split and are now overcompensating. It's like the name tattoo shit dad's get. Who wants to fuck someone who has talked about their kid all night,? The early days should be getting to know each other, a bit of family stuff and then flirting/anticipation. He doesn't really want another romantic partner, probably just wants you to slot into his life. You don't matter.

Not really, sounds more like he is overcompensating.

I used to work with a woman who would turn every conversation into being about her child and it was exhausting!

When you have kids you’re bound to talk about them to your date, especially when you’re with them a lot but there are some people that will only want to talk about their child.

If you’ve tried steering the conversation away and he still tries to steer it back then I’d move on.

YANBU. Obviously the issue is that he is unable to talk about anything else, that would get really boring really fast.

Substitute kid for literally anything else and I bet most people would say you are not being unreasonable e.g.

He constantly talks about football
He constantly talks about the weather
He constantly talks about his dull hobby

etc

He clearly misses him terribly. I think that's a great quality and suspect he doesn't realise how much he talks about him. You could gently mention it. But mostly, it sounds like he's not really ready to date.

To me that would be a massive green flag!

He sounds totally dull. Throw this one back.

Of course she's not being unreasonable. It's not her child 😂

What happens when you steer the conversation away from children?

What happens when you ask him questions completely unrelated to children?

Dismal.

Bet he’s not into flowers and chocolates either.

Yabu. Me and my DH often talk about the kids on date night together! It works for us. we’re both happy. It sounds like you just aren’t compatible. Better to accept this is who he is and if you don’t like it yanbu to stop dating him.

I think this is always going to be nice issue dating anyone with a young child/ren?
Not really, no.

Can't you steer him on to other topics?

I think OP would like adult conversation that doesn't include his child.

If the guy can't separate his dating life from his child he's probably not ready to date.

He’s boring, simple as that. Bin him off the same way you would if he kept droning about cycling / potatoes / whatever.

Am with you op so boring.
People who talk non stop about their kids are dull.
Yeah share a funny story or ask advice whatever but it would be a big no from me having to listen to it constantly on an adult only date night.

@Honeybu

I'd stop seeing him. Because anyone who talks non-stop about their child is boring. It's OK to 'be obsessed' with your child, but no need to expect others to share your obsession.

My other and bigger concern is that if he truly is 'obsessed' with his child, would he expect his child to always be put before my children IF we were to 'blend families'? Would he be able to be impartial if our children were disagreeing or if one were to upset the other or would his attitude be 'my child is always right'? Would he be able to compromise on house rules so all children are treated the same or would he expect to set different rules for his child?

Nope, too many potential problems. Most of which wouldn't be known until after you were smack dab in the middle of the situation.

I think this is always going to be nice issue dating anyone with a young child/ren? There are several ways to look at it, it’s great that he plays such a role in his DS’s life, I would rather date someone that has a active role in their child’s life than someone who doesn’t see their child? I totally get that you want to get to know him and talk about him and I would feel similar, this is one of the reasons I don't date guys with children.

If it annoys you then it’s best to end it. He obviously loves his child and wants to talk about him.

God a child bore is bad enough in a friend let alone a romantic partner

Personally, I think it is great that he speaks a lot about his child. I can see though why it can be annoying, like the people that hog conversations or talk about themselves non-stop and do not ask you questions or show an interest in your life.

Why don't you just tell him nicely that you would like conversations about things other than the child? He can take it one of two ways, think this is unacceptable or else change a bit? Either way, you will not lose out, as if he does not change a little or compromise, you are unlikely to continue or you will lose interest.

He sounds tedious. Probably a nice - if indulgent - dad to have, but not someone I’d want to spend my child-free time with.