Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should i let 13 year old dd wear false lashes to school?

258 replies

EyelashConundrum · 17/09/2023 20:44

Dd is 13, and has started wearing stick on lashes to school. They are not super heavy spidery ones, but they do change the way her eyes look. She bought them with her own money in town with friends.

Im really torn between letting her wear them (school allows it, all her friends wear them and she obviously wants to fit in, she's 13 and is trying to find her own style, etc).

But then false eyelashes just seem so unnecessary for 13 year olds who are going to spend the day sitting in maths and geography. And my heart breaks that modern beauty standards make her feel the need to conform and wear this level of adornment.

Its a choice between being the authoritarian mother who forbids it because its just excessive in my opinion. But equally i remember being 13 and arguing with my parents that my thick orange foundation was an absolute necessity and they couldn't possibly understand what its like to be a teenager.

Ive allowed voting

YABU - Let her wear them. Its not doing any harm, doesn't disrupt her learning and helps her to feel confident.

YANBU - Absolutely no way should i let my 13 year old leave the house wearing these ridiculous things.

OP posts:
bluebeardswife7 · 17/09/2023 21:38

MariePaperRoses · 17/09/2023 21:01

Tell her that the cheap ones which I'm sure will be the ones she has bought, come from China and are made from donated pubes.

Not donated. Girls pinned down in the street and shorn

LetMeEnfoldYou · 17/09/2023 21:35

My DD (13) wears them. I think they look daft. She doesn't, and her friends don't.

I can't bring myself to get worked up. Much much much much bigger things to worry about in life.

It's a fashion. It'll fade. Let it play out.

ColonelRhubarbBikini · 17/09/2023 21:34

jackstini · 17/09/2023 21:02

As my 17yo Dd would say! - "it's not that deep"

Agree it's not ideal - but, pick your battles. If school are ok with it then don't worry. There will be other things you need to be firm on in the future

This is exactly what DS says to me Grin. As much as I hate to admit it most of the time he’s right it’s ‘not that deep’.

Teenagers have always pushed the envelope and horrified their parents with their beauty/fashion sense. I was a foundation lipped pencil thin eyebrowed teen of the noughties and my mother was aghast.

Teenagers are trying to discover their own identity and this is part of it.

Justgorgeous · 17/09/2023 21:33

Crazy that the school allows it. In my school they have to take them off or sit in isolation until they do, same for fake nails.

GodDammitCecil · 17/09/2023 21:32

I voted YANBU as I don’t think you are being, but if school allows it, you’re fighting a losing battle.

I think many pp saying ‘pick your battles’ and ‘the novelty will soon wear off’ are right.

Cowlover89 · 17/09/2023 21:30

Nope

sunshineandshowers40 · 17/09/2023 21:30

I'm surprised school allow it. As a they do I would her wear them, Save your energy for bigger battles!

dearanon · 17/09/2023 21:28

Let her wear them. I don't understand what the problem is.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 17/09/2023 21:27

Does the school definitely allow them and you have this information from a member of staff?

Are they safe? I don't know anything about them or ever used them so not aware of potential risks.

If the answer to both is yes, then I'd let her. Saying no for no good reason or just out of some (made up) principle isn't a good idea with teens, or anyone really.

chipshopElvis · 17/09/2023 21:26

If school allows it, she already has them and her friend group wear them then leave her to it. Not worth a fight over, she won't see where you're coming from and it's not worth a fight. Also horrid to be the odd one out at that age, feels like the end of the world.

LittleMG · 17/09/2023 21:25

The school allows make up? I’m definitely with you it’s not on.

gawditswindy · 17/09/2023 21:25

Flufferblub · 17/09/2023 21:22

I wouldn't. It's school, not a fashion show

I'm not sure a lot of kids would agree with that. It's the main place where they meet their peers. They want to present themselves at what they consider to be their best.

Guiltridden12345 · 17/09/2023 21:24

EyelashConundrum · 17/09/2023 20:44

Dd is 13, and has started wearing stick on lashes to school. They are not super heavy spidery ones, but they do change the way her eyes look. She bought them with her own money in town with friends.

Im really torn between letting her wear them (school allows it, all her friends wear them and she obviously wants to fit in, she's 13 and is trying to find her own style, etc).

But then false eyelashes just seem so unnecessary for 13 year olds who are going to spend the day sitting in maths and geography. And my heart breaks that modern beauty standards make her feel the need to conform and wear this level of adornment.

Its a choice between being the authoritarian mother who forbids it because its just excessive in my opinion. But equally i remember being 13 and arguing with my parents that my thick orange foundation was an absolute necessity and they couldn't possibly understand what its like to be a teenager.

Ive allowed voting

YABU - Let her wear them. Its not doing any harm, doesn't disrupt her learning and helps her to feel confident.

YANBU - Absolutely no way should i let my 13 year old leave the house wearing these ridiculous things.

I hate them, and the modern fake massive everything (lashes, nails, brows, boobs, bum) plus the messaging about how women look and exaggerated features being ’normal’. BUT, there are bigger issues to fight with a 13 year old, certainly Mine. I adopted some terrible trends and at her age dyed my hair myriad colours. It’s self expression, even though everyone else is expressing in identical form. I let her, and fake nails too, as long as it’s not the really massive ones, and as long as her school work stays bang on track and behaviour is good. It’s a deal then isn’t it, everyone gets a bit of what they want?

and we talk a lot at home about feminism, identity, why people want to look certain ways, plastic surgery, media trends etc. we use her own trends to try and teach her about presenting and dressing for herself rather than others. But I don’t think banning things is the key to that education. She now will remove the lashes now for sport and seeing relatives, by her own choice, so i think the message is getting through.

VaccineSticker · 17/09/2023 21:24

No.
why is this even an option?!!

TeenMum87 · 17/09/2023 21:23

Absolute not.

fairyfluf · 17/09/2023 21:22

HaddawayAndShite · 17/09/2023 21:20

Pick your battles but, has she only the one pair? Is she cleaning them properly? I used to wear lashes a lot and they get manky quickly, and the glue probably is not good for your eyes / real eyelashes like.

Yes maybe make sure she's using them safely

Flufferblub · 17/09/2023 21:22

I wouldn't. It's school, not a fashion show

aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 21:22

I wear them . They make my eyes look bigger and that makes me feel more confident in myself. I can't see the harm tbh .

Theonlyoneiknow · 17/09/2023 21:21

I think schools have far bigger things to focus on than false eyelashes, and agree choose your battles at this age.

kitsuneghost · 17/09/2023 21:21

I think they look cheap, nasty and ridiculous. However I would let her wear them. We all want to fit in sometimes and we all need to find our own style. Who here can honestly say they haven't made some dubious fashion choices in their teens (or olderWink)

aduckinarow · 17/09/2023 21:20

RecordPlayer · 17/09/2023 20:51

Pick your battles. What harm are they doing? In my experience (secondary school teacher), the girls who start wearing lashes and makeup young will also realise they don't need them long before the girls who start wearing makeup later. Let her wear them, but make sure she knows how beautiful she is without them too.

This

Mum2jenny · 17/09/2023 21:20

If school allow it, it’s not a hill I’d choose to die on. Let her get on with it imo.

HaddawayAndShite · 17/09/2023 21:20

Pick your battles but, has she only the one pair? Is she cleaning them properly? I used to wear lashes a lot and they get manky quickly, and the glue probably is not good for your eyes / real eyelashes like.

RedHelenB · 17/09/2023 21:19

She'll put them on behind your back if you " don't allow it". She's a teenager, she wants to fit in.

LolaSmiles · 17/09/2023 21:19

Yeah, I'm reading the replies as they are streaming in and i noticed that all the secondary teachers are in the let her wear them camp.
If you don't particularly have a problem with it and you're sure school allow it then it's probably not the hill to die on.

The source of internal conflict to me is that I find it hard saying it's fine and reasonable for young teen girls to be held to a series of beauty standards that are very focused on what male gaze deems to be attractive, but then equally know that we did exactly the same thing at that age but with different trends. Same for following the crowd like sheep. I don't think it's a good message for adults to send that you should do something because everyone else is, but then we also had trends and pressure to fit in at that age.

Swipe left for the next trending thread