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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

35 replies

Helpamumout1 · 16/09/2023 00:47

My 10 year old whos never had a proper birthday party before asked for one for her 10th birthday. She invited 30 children from school / dance/neighbours.
She invited the all the girls from her class minus 2 who she doesn’t get on with ( one who has bullied her all through primary - sprained her arm purposely, stamped on her head, calls her fat)
Tonight was the party some girls popped a snapchat story on their phones( not my daughter and not a pic of my daughter as i have seen the story ).
i then received this message from the bullies Mum
Other Mum : Hi, if you wouldn’t mind please can you ask the girls not to voice message …..telling her to “get over it” for not being invited to …. party. She was quite upset about not coming anyway but understands that’s it’s ….choice who she invites but getting messages like that isn’t very nice and she’s now devastated x

Me: Really sorry , you know what they r like with there phones they are going in 10 mins . I then suggested to the girls they put there phone down and did some dancing

Other Mum : Yeah but it’s really unkind. I know it’s not your fault at all but someone needs to tell them that’s not ok x

Me : I do agree but you will have to speak with their parents directly

Other Mum : Agree. But I just wanted you to ask them to stop because it’s really not a kind thing to do. Anyway I’ll leave you to the party.

What would you all have done in my situation, there were 30 girls in total and I didn’t feel i should tell children off that aren’t mine.
was i in the wrong for telling the parent speak to their parent/guardians direct and not getting involved. Personally if this was the other way round i would have just taken the phone off my child and turned it off until tomo

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpamumout1 · 16/09/2023 01:04

i just thought as it was their children been unkind they might want to know so they can discuss it with them .
i did tell everyone to put the phone down and dance ( disco party) but if it happens again i will take your advice on board( hopefully it won’t as my child doesn’t want another big party until she is 13 and friendships will have changed by then), I probably have a lack of sympathy to ‘other mum’ due to the injuries her daughter caused to my child( school did sort this)

OP posts:
AprQ · 16/09/2023 00:58

Whoops I can see it was a party and not a sleepover, my bad! Same thing still applies though. You could have just said a passing comment so the children were no longer messaging the girl who wasn’t there (valid reasons not to invite her ofc)

AprQ · 16/09/2023 00:57

Why would the other mum need to speak with the other parents directly though? I don’t understand that.

It’s not hard to say, ‘okay girls, let’s start getting ready for dinner/bed/a film and stop messaging X because she isn’t here.’ You don’t need to stand in their faces wagging your finger in front of 30 children that aren’t yours.

I can see why the other mum would send a message to you directly because you’re the adult hosting the birthday party….

jolaylasofia · 16/09/2023 00:56

why on earth are 10 year olds at parties with smart phones and why do they have snapchat??

WhateverMate · 16/09/2023 00:56

Whoever it was, was obviously doing their own share of bullying by leaving voice messages and rubbing it in about not being invited, and that wouldn't be ok in my house if I were responsible for them.

I get why the child wasn't invited, no way would I have invited them either but that's not the point here.

Original poster
Helpamumout1 · 16/09/2023 00:52

unti after they went i was unaware who it was until i viewed all the storys on my childs phone i did ask them as a group of 30 to put the phones down and do dancing

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 16/09/2023 00:51

IHateLegDay · 16/09/2023 00:50

To other mum,
You know what's not a kind thing to do? stamping on someone's head! So maybe sort your daughter's unkind behaviour out before judging someone else's.

The OP hasn't said the other mum hasn't done that though?

IHateLegDay · 16/09/2023 00:50

To other mum,
You know what's not a kind thing to do? stamping on someone's head! So maybe sort your daughter's unkind behaviour out before judging someone else's.

WhateverMate · 16/09/2023 00:50

If that happened while they were in my house, you'd better believe I'd be telling them off and asking them to put their phones where I could see them.

Then I'd have a word with their parents at pick up.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/09/2023 00:49

I wouldn't have responded to her at all.

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