Why does this lovely mom want to be MY friend?

I am sure going off your posts you reminded lovely op. But I was similarly singled out. Even accosted in Asda by a school dm determined to be my friend.. Sadly it wasn't me she wanted but my 2 dd's to play with her only dc... Oh and also lifts as she was disabled and her dh used her mobility car for college.... I don't do more than a quick chat at the gates these days.. Never again.

This, but also option 3 - could her DD be having friendship problems and she's trying to build the friendship between her DD and yours? I don't say this to knock your confidence OP, chances are she is happy to have a chat with you, but it might be a (not unpleasant) ulterior motive

You may just be likeable!

And it's possible she feels a kinship with you... perhaps she has also experienced difficulties with her self-esteem and knows how much a good friendship can make life a bit lighter.

Go for it OP
You must be nice too!

I am an extrovert and don't have social anxiety. I wouldn't say I am popular or cool, but I have no trouble making friends. You are overthinking her thought process.

Extroverts like myself do not have a limit on friends, or pick them for their popularity. We just say hello to everyone and we like to meet up for coffee with everyone in an effort to know them better, or to get our DC together

We are not ranking you. Our heads are full of our own worries; CoL, stressful jobs, DC being rude or eating too much junk, climate change etc etc. Not to be mean, but we are not thinking about you that much!

Two thoughts come to mind:

1. She thinks you could be friends because she likes the interactions you've had so far.
2. She wants to get to know the parent(s) of her child(rens) friend(s) better, because they might be spending time with your child, or even come to your house/your children go to hers.

She probably sees the situation very differently- not as her being popular/socially 'above' you/'better' but as you being someone she likes and would like to spend time with.

When I was at University I was a rather awkward, insecure person and found myself sharing first year accommodation with 5 other people of which 2 were effortlessly cool, interesting, funny, popular etc (the opposite of how I saw myself). They seemed to want to spend time with me socially. I could never really work out why- even when we agreed to share a house together for the next 2 years I was baffled. Part of me thought that I would find out they were actually horrible people (the classic mean popular girls thing), or they'd make fun of me etc. I learned over time that they had their own worries and insecurities, and didn't see themselves as any different from me. They were just lovely people and we are still friends 30 years later.

Go for the coffee OP!

Eh? It's because your DC get on.
You are probably interesting. Maybe you have common interests?

Of topic, but please dont slag of "over the top PTA mums" . The OTT PTA mums are normally the ones working their arses off to host events, raise funds, welcome people etc, all whilst working and looking after their own kids. Just rude.

If she wants to be your friend, that's great. I can't see anything wrong with it.

Your life sounds like you're managing really well with two children and the body perception thing. I'm quite a loser and I wouldn't be thinking why someone who may be more successful than I wants to talk to me occasionally. That's from a funny person though.

You deserve a nice friend! Don’t push her away. Don’t overthink it.

To have the magical power ‘to see ourselves as others see us’ — so the OP needs to recognise that in this case, the other woman has a higher opinion of her than she does of herself.

(Though it could be deeply wounding in other scenarios, obviously…)

your kids!

I think it's because her kids like our kids.

Huh?!

OP you really need to do some work on your self esteem.

You also need to understand that this isn’t how friendships work. People don’t only choose friends from their own “level” in the popularity rankings. They choose them for a huge range of psychological reasons. She may have ulterior motives, she may just like you. If it’s the former you will figure this out pretty quickly.

If you constantly approach friendships from the perspective of “is she in the same ‘class’ as me?” you are wilfully handicapping yourself by putting arbitrary boundaries in place.

Be kind to yourself op.
Xxx

If she is genuinely lovely it is likely she has "known" you over a number of years, seen your value and wants to get to know you better.

Generally speaking there is a lot less socialising between parents of secondary school students and she's making sure you are one of the parents she stays in contact with because you're a good and kind person.

Well I doubt that there are any bad ulterior motives. She has seen you around for a while and is being friendly. Nobody knows if a person is a good coffee friend match until they have a coffee date.

Maybe you're actually a person worth having as a friend, interesting and she'd like to get to know you better? :-)

If I were you I’d be honest, I feel the same as you but over the years I’ve realised being truthful helps me be more confident.

‘thank you so much for inviting me, I’d love to meet. Just to be honest sometimes my anxiety gets the better of me and I worry about meeting up. I wanted to tell you now incase I don’t feel great on the day and you’ll know why I might be a bit quiet!’

why would she bother with me?

Maybe you’re a better quality person than you thought?

‘I just can’t wrap my head around someone so above me wanting to be my friend basically.’

She probably doesn’t view herself as above you. Some people don’t view people as being superior or inferior, they just view people as people.

And some people don’t compare themselves to others.

It probably hasn’t even occurred to her that you view her as being above you.

Enjoy going out and having a coffee and getting to know her for who she actually is and not necessarily who you think she is.

Maybe she likes you. Maybe she likes to get to know the parents of her daughter's friends to suss them out.

You'll never know until you go for coffee with her.

She 'sees' you. Enjoy the company. Be glad of it.