Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why does this lovely mom want to be MY friend?

61 replies

Millenialmom · 15/09/2023 00:05

No drip feed, I have general and social anxiety, recovering from an ED and body dysmorphia, am just not very good making friends.

my DD went to a nice primary and is now y8 secondary. Got on okay with moms to talk to at gates etc but never socialised outside of school run/play dates/parties.

fast forward DS is now starting at the same primary and DD is y8 at new secondary with most of her primary friends.

One of the moms I’ve know since DDs reception (so 8 years) never socialised with is now suggesting coffee meets, popping into hers after school run, texting me asking how DS’s first day went and chit chat. Generally being interested and lovely.

i just can’t fathom why she wants to be my friend. She is gorgeous, kind, confident, friendly, down to earth, a wonderful mom of 3. But not the over the top PTA mom either. The mom I’ve always envied actually and even mentioned her in my therapy.

AIBU to put off a coffee meet and wonder why she would want that? She must have so many mom friends and her own friendship circle.

Side note I’ve helped out with picking her DD up from secondary but usually spur of the moment not pre planned. The girls meet for swimming and socialising etc. Have shared lifts for trips etc so one picks up one drops off and she was super helpful in that sense when DS was Born poorly With taking my DD to parties and helping out etc.

I just can’t wrap my head around someone so above me wanting to be my friend basically. Yes. I know I’m over thinking but can someone make it make sense for me?!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Greydays10 · 30/06/2024 23:06

I am so sorry OP.
What an ugly person.
I hope your child is well.
It is a transition for the whole family and can be very painful.
My dear friends child is going trough it and she and her husband are trying their level best to be positive but finding the idea of their big rugby playing son to be trans very difficult.
They worry for his future and not wanting him to be hurt.
Forget about her and mind yourself.

Branleuse · 30/06/2024 23:02

Im sure she is lovely, but it sounds like you put yourself down, and put others on a pedestal. Why wouldn't she like you? Why so mistrustful?

LeaveTheClocksAlone · 30/06/2024 23:01

Mom2kiddos · 30/06/2024 22:53

I am the OP. It turns out she was after information on my child and what was going on with them at the time. (My child had started to talk about maybe being trans. They are very against and now have nothing to do with any of us since my daughter cut her hair and is presenting more male). I didn’t go into it with her at the time but she and her children now blank us all. Her daughter (friends with mine since receoptiom to y8 - sleepovers and all even asked to be moved in all classes to not sit near my child).

That's really sad. I hate it when people confirm my lack of faith in humanity 😞

Mom2kiddos · 30/06/2024 23:01

Thank you @Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice i am in a bit of a stronger place mentally and getting on well with the lovely reception moms now DS is at school which is helping. X

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 30/06/2024 22:59

Well that's disappointing OP, but please don't let it spoil some of the good advice you received on here about knowing your worth and not placing yourself 'below' people.

Mom2kiddos · 30/06/2024 22:55

@Gurthnamuckla see above. Was a bit like we were being vetted.

Gurthnamuckla · 30/06/2024 22:53

Mom2kiddos · 30/06/2024 22:43

Bit of a Zombie thread now, plus a name change but if anyone is interested - she most definitely did have motives and was looking for information. I feel a fool in hind sight but we live and learn.

What kind of information could you possibly have possessed that was so valuable it merited a friendship campaign?

Mom2kiddos · 30/06/2024 22:53

I am the OP. It turns out she was after information on my child and what was going on with them at the time. (My child had started to talk about maybe being trans. They are very against and now have nothing to do with any of us since my daughter cut her hair and is presenting more male). I didn’t go into it with her at the time but she and her children now blank us all. Her daughter (friends with mine since receoptiom to y8 - sleepovers and all even asked to be moved in all classes to not sit near my child).

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/06/2024 22:49

Sorry, ignore me - I failed to read your post properly.

Sorry to hear that! But I still think it was worth giving her a chance when she seemed friendly and harmless.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/06/2024 22:47

Are you the OP, Mom2kiddos?

Mom2kiddos · 30/06/2024 22:43

Bit of a Zombie thread now, plus a name change but if anyone is interested - she most definitely did have motives and was looking for information. I feel a fool in hind sight but we live and learn.

ImustLearn2Cook · 04/10/2023 03:45

@Millenialmom Thanks for coming back and updating us. I’m really glad that you had a nice time meeting up for coffee. 😊

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/10/2023 15:47

Oh that's fabulous @Millenialmom!! Thank you for coming back to update.

And here's hoping that new posters learn to bloody well read ALL of the OP's posts before they reply.....

Idontgiveashitanymore · 03/10/2023 15:39

Just meet her at a coffee shop and be careful what you tell her until you feel more comfortable,

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/10/2023 15:09

I would guess either her daughter wants to be friends with your daughter OR she (the mum) sees your daughter as a suitable friend for her daughter, and wishes to further that friendship rather than others.

BonjourCrisette · 03/10/2023 15:06

Millenialmom · 03/10/2023 14:07

For anyone interested, I met up with this mom who I’ve always admired (envied). I can confirm she is in fact only human and has the same mom problems I do and that she had no ulterior motives in meeting up. Cuppa and a natter about school/kids/life etc in a local coffee shop and I feel slightly more human for putting myself out there.

note to self: stop putting normal, nice people on a pedestal and questioning every little thing.

That sounds really nice. I'm very happy you had a nice time!

plumtreebroke · 03/10/2023 15:04

It's a big thing for you, but it's a very normal thing for her to just go for a coffee with another mum. I found it very surprising when other mums suggested meeting up with me, but it was really nice and helpful to share worries and experiences and just chat.

Turfwars · 03/10/2023 14:56

Glad the meet up went well OP.

hydriotaphia · 03/10/2023 14:51

Sociable people have lots of friends because they enjoy interacting with others. She won't have any master plan or think you're going to be besties - she just thinks she would enjoy coffee with you - don't overthink it. If it is going to torture you then I'm sure you can find a way of declining politely, but you might enjoy it.

MotherofGorgons · 03/10/2023 14:09

Good update! Well done. Everybody has problems. Even popular, confident people
She probably just likes you.

Original poster
Millenialmom · 03/10/2023 14:07

For anyone interested, I met up with this mom who I’ve always admired (envied). I can confirm she is in fact only human and has the same mom problems I do and that she had no ulterior motives in meeting up. Cuppa and a natter about school/kids/life etc in a local coffee shop and I feel slightly more human for putting myself out there.

note to self: stop putting normal, nice people on a pedestal and questioning every little thing.

OP posts:
semideponent · 15/09/2023 12:16

Maybe she's lonely within a crowd and finds it easier to be herself in your company?

Nevermind202020 · 15/09/2023 11:53

Possimpible · 15/09/2023 10:59

This, but also option 3 - could her DD be having friendship problems and she's trying to build the friendship between her DD and yours? I don't say this to knock your confidence OP, chances are she is happy to have a chat with you, but it might be a (not unpleasant) ulterior motive

Show quote history

Yes, option 3 is definitely possible too.

1983Louise · 15/09/2023 11:37

I think you give off a good vibe 😊take a step back and ask yourself "would I like myself as a friend" if the answer yes, you know your self worth 😊

GingerIsBest · 15/09/2023 11:18

Lovely popular people are often lovely popular people because they are nice people who are genuinely interested in other people etc.

My sister has always been popular. The secret to her "success" is that she is a genuine extrovert - happiest when she's out and about with other people - and she also is genuinely interested in being friends with people with whom she has things in common without any concerns about where they come from/background/wealth etc.

One of her oldest friends grew up in a part of town that people could be snobby about where we come from but my sister met her at university and they were int he same sports club (so had that in common from day 1). This friend told me once that my sister was the ONLY person who made an effort with her and it was only because of my sister that she was "accepted" into the club's social stuff.

Go for coffee! Enjoy it and get to know her better.