Raising two families? Two at school then a baby?

56 replies

CPHB2021 · 14/09/2023 11:02

I'm back on the 'should we have a third' fence. I have 2DC now. 'One of each' and we thought we were done, two years ago we fell pregnant and decided to terminate. It was right at the time and I don't regret it because at the time we couldn't support a third, since then our jobs and future financial situation are much more positive. Our youngest starts school in 2024 and if I fell pregnant now I'd have a few months of them all being home before the older two were at school all day. I worry hugely we've missed the boat of having them as a little pack and if we had a third it'll forever be 'the older two and the baby' it's now or never and even still I worry the age gap will be too much. DS is almost 7 now and DD almost 4 🤔 any advice or experiences would be wonderful!

OP posts:

JonjoMonjo21 · 14/09/2023 11:19

@CPHB2021 they aren’t babies for long… they soon turn in to toddlers. My last was walking at 8 months. And juggling everything is so freaking hard. I love him to pieces but I don’t get a moment. My life was easier with just the 2. Everyone is different though. You might have a better support network than me. You might find it easier. Some people have 6 kids and love every moment. It’s how you feel.

Original poster

CPHB2021 · 14/09/2023 11:17

JonjoMonjo21 · 14/09/2023 11:13

Stay as u are. I have one at grammar school one at primary and a toddler. It is hard graft. Speaking from experience

This is the advice the very few of my friends that had a third with similar age gaps have given and whilst they don't regret their child, they recognise how much easier it was with two. That saying, I am SO maternal and adore having children with me and I feel as though I'm not ready to close that chapter with DD starting school....

OP posts:

Tohaveandtohold · 14/09/2023 11:16

There’s no right or wrong answer. I personally don’t think the age gap is a lot because in my circle, there’s a minimum of 3 year age gap between our kids because everyone works and they try to have only one in childcare at a time (no twins luckily).
However I think this is something you need to decide if it’s what you want to do and if it’s worth it. The baby will not be close to the older ones, when they grow, it’ll almost be like splitting yourself into 3 because their needs (clubs, etc) will vary. You may also have to do 3 school run at some point as you’ll have one in secondary school, pry and nursery. There’s also a chance of having multiples so you need to consider all these and see if it works for your family situation.

JonjoMonjo21 · 14/09/2023 11:13

Stay as u are. I have one at grammar school one at primary and a toddler. It is hard graft. Speaking from experience

billy1966 · 14/09/2023 11:10

It will be starting again I'm afraid and you need to decide if that will suit you.

Two at school and juggling a baby and then toddler is a lot.

It very quickly can become one person doing stuff with the 5--8 year old while the other minds the baby.
Same with holidays.

The next few years could fly with you very focused on a toddler while your eldest gets bigger.

Think long and hard about the dynamic and how it would work for you.

Three is a big step up IMO especially as your two are now able to do stuff for themselves.
We forgdt how labour intensive the newborn stage is and beyond.

Good luck with the decision.

Catza · 14/09/2023 11:06

I don't think there is wright or wrong answer. The age gap is not an indication of how well your kids will get along.

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