Raising two families? Two at school then a baby?

I don't view it as being tied down as I LOVE the 0-4 age.

Yes, but this time round you'll have older children to manage as well. You'll have to do the nappies and the weaning while also sorting out homework and uniforms and dropping your older kids at their activities or going to their assemblies.

Go for it, you’re young, I think 26 is actually too young to decide your childbearing days are done with.

I have three kids and whilst they’re all close in age they don’t always want to , or get invited to do the same stuff at the same time anyway. The idea that them being close in age means they’ll just do everything together just isn’t true anyway. Having three is definitely harder than having two but if you love it then it won’t be too much of a hardship for you. (If I was you I’d wait a couple of years and have two more 😉).

The loss of your ‘mum of a smallie’ identity is probably looming large because you must have been very young starting your family. You might like to start to think about other paths that will open to you (study, career, etc) if you don’t go for a third child.

No one can you tell you what is right for you & your family. But my experience has been very similar to yours - I always wanted 3 children, but my DH was on the fence, I fell pregnant when my older two were 1&3yrs & at the time the circumstances weren’t right to support another child, so, I had a termination but still very, very much wanted a 3rd child & hoped there’d be a time when it was right one day…

My kids got older, I worried I had missed the boat… My DH however, surprised me & himself I think by realising he v much wanted a 3rd too… When my kids were 6 & 4 we decided to go for it.

So, when the littlest was born my oldest was 7yrs & my middle was 5yrs & genuinely it has been so wonderful. Obviously, who knows what the future holds but for now I cannot imagine any age gap working better for our family. My littlest is 5 now & he is the light of everyone’s lives - the big ones love him, always have, they were old enough to enjoy him rather than see him as a rival when he was born, they love doing littler kids things with him & he loves copying them & their big mates, watching his big brother play footie etc.

Now that my eldest is in High School, the dynamics have shifted a bit - the older two used to be thick as thieves but now my eldest has more of her own stuff going on & the younger two are closer, it works out really well - everyone gets their own space but no one is left out.

Yes, it’s busy getting to everyone’s clubs etc but I love having a rowdy, chaotic little gang & although they squabble, they’re really fiercely loyal to each other.

There are sacrifices - mainly financial, for example we can’t really afford holidays abroad anymore - but for me, it’s massively, massively out weighed by the positives. Wouldn’t change it for the world!

I have 2 but with a 5 year age gap. They are and have always been extremely close.

OP I'm in a similar boat to you. Had 2 children very close together and thought I was done, but now mine are both at school and a bit more independent I'm really sad that I'm not having anymore, so it's made me think do I want to put my body through it again?

We're not financially well off either, just run of the mill min pay jobs which does make me think no we shouldn't. But also I feel like I'll get to the age where I'm too old to have them and have regrets.

I look back on videos and pictures of the kids when they were tiny and think my god how lovely was it, but actually it is rose tinted glasses because I remember being incredibly stressed a lot of the time! Much to think about.

If you can afford it without it making a difference I would. I did it without being able to and everything is a struggle. Im torn in several different ways trying to meet the needs of all my family (18,16,10,6). It’s hard hard work. Obviously don’t regret any of them, but the 4th one certainly changes things.

I don't think the age gap will be the think to worry about. Kids tend to find their own way, and someone 8 years younger is probably less annoying than someone 3 years younger. Imagine being 16 with an annoying 13 yo, the fun 6 yo is likely to get more love!!

The issue is do you want a third, to start again, to delay the empty nest date? Will it bring up anything about the abortion or is this some type of penance for the abortion?

That's what you need to decide on

Ours were 5 and 4 when our youngest was born. My eldest was at primary school and my son was at preschool 5 days a week for the morning session. Dd2 slipped into our routine. It helped that dh was wfh so did all the pick ups and drop offs. When she turned 1 my son was in primary school too and honestly it's been easy enough even though I've had to do more of the school runs. I was able to go to groups with dd2 (much more difficult with ds as dd1 was still little too) and at one point we did 3 a week whilst I was on maternity. I've had more time to savour the experience this time, I don't sweat the small stuff because I know from experience it's usually a phase.

I haven't found this hard so far but we are used to doing things on our own with the kids, we have no childcare or family help so its always just been down to us. I would say it can work as long as you are realistic about how to manage stuff. For instance one of us has to have the toddler whilst the other does the homework, getting bags packed, bedtime routine etc. It is more work though but as it's a team effort between dh and I, I don't feel like it's too much. We change it up so they all get one on one time.

Mine are 10,8 and 2 and I love it. It definitely is the big two and the baby but the older ones love her and include her, she is besotted with them. I’ll have one in the final year of primary when she starts school. The only thing which is a bit tricky are clubs for the eldest as they finish a bit late, but I have lots of wonderful friends who help out (her friends mums who generally have kids doing the same club). The little one gets so much more of my attention than the middle one did at this age and gets to do loads of stuff the others didn’t because she gets brought along! Plus I never have to go to soft play….. then when she naps/ is in bed I still get quality time with the others.

Oh and third babies (and this is something I've talked about with other mums of more than two) just have to get on with being a baby on their older siblings time. I have no idea how I found babies so hard first time round. Be organised with your bag packing and then they just have to come along to whatever their older siblings are doing, mine and his car seat have been to so many clubs and activities it's not surprising all he does is sport now, it was all he saw as a tiny one! Also I think babies are a little like horses, they recognise a confident pair of hands which you develop by number three.

I am obviously changing my posting name and hiding now in case you come after me with a colicky 6 month old in the future.

Ps thanks for taking me down a lovely (totally rose tinted) trip down memory lane. I almost managed to skip the bit where DS1 bounced on the bed not realising it was his baby brother not a duvet his foot was on. He was fiiiiine.

You will have to devide yourselves up as a family. You couldn't all go to the theatre or cinema as a family for example. School runs, clubs get difficult . Lugging the baby out to pick ups. It really isn't fair to say to older children they can't do activities because of the baby, unless you limit the activities of your youngest in the same way when they get to the same age. Leads to jealousy later.
Lots of people make it work though.

Trust me on this one, 17 years further down the line than you, life NEVER goes to plan. You just have to surf the wave you are given! Good luck.

Honestly if you can financially handle it, and you want a baby- you will make it work. You know why you couldn't before and you did what was best for you, but your circumstances have changed.

FWIW, my sister is 10 years older than me, and we get along really well, and did as kids too. The age gap isn't a big deal. My eldest is nearly 7 and youngest is almost 1, there's no issues with them!

I am out the other end of that exact age gap scenario, got one all grown up and out in the world working, one coming to the end of uni and my 'baby' is just starting sixth form. It's worked wonderfully. DS1 was a wonderful big brother and adored DS3, well it was mutual and now DS2 and DS3 share a hobby and it's so lovely to see. DS3 has always been ahead of his peers physically as he didn't see why he shouldn't do all the things his big brothers did (challenging at times) but it's been wonderful and I'd do it all again exactly the same.

Although I had one full term of both older boys in school before I had my baby which did make me realise what I was going to be missing! I'd be lost now without my youngest still in school as well, trying to persuade him he never needs to leave home <joke>. <mostly>.

This is such an individual personality thing that I don't think anyone else can advise, just give you things to think about. I know people who absolutely love having big age gaps. A friend of mine has 3 children with a five year gap between them and thinks it is perfect - she is so pleased that for each of them she had that time with them where they were the only one not at school. I think that having 15 constant years of having an under-5 seems pretty hellish! And hers certainly don't interact in the same way that my two, who are much closer in age, do, though that doesn't mean they don't have close and loving relationships.

Your kids are just on the cusp of being more independent - do you really want to go back to being tied down to a baby again?

Age gap isnt a problem I think it's down to you and ur partner.
Dd 15
Dd 9
Ds 21 months
Currently pregnant with my 4th

Although there is a big age gap between my kids I wouldn't change it for the world... my and my husband have dealt with it.

Only you can decide if you want three children or not. Plenty of people have three or more, so it's certainly doable, but it is much harder work, and very expensive.

I had my third child when my sons were 4 and 3. Yes, your time is split, and it can be extremely hard work at times. I found the jump from 2 to 3 to be the hardest of all. BUT I don't regret it at all. The kids bickered at lot when they were primary age (3 children can argue WAY more than 2!) but we had a lot of fun too, and having 3 now-adult children who are all close is wonderful. I am aware though that we were very lucky, we both had jobs that allowed us to be around a lot, and could share the running about, and that my kids when they were teens were very easy going.

The age gap is too big and would make organising family activities difficult trying to find something a 10 year old and a 3 year old would be interested in.