Friend doesn't reply to messages

Not responding to a text is rude. Ok fine to leave it for a few hours if you are busy, but not for a day. Send one last text 'Are you ok?'. If no reply within a few hours forget it.

@8ahwe

This is a tricky one, isn't it? I've got a friend who I have actually known for about 25 years. An old work colleague. We have such a lot in common. She's only about five years younger than me, and we get on really well. We meet for coffee or lunch every two months.

But it's always, always, always me that contacts her to see if she wants to meet up for a coffee/lunch She never, ever, ever messages me first. If I waited for her to message me first, I sometimes wonder if I'd ever see her again. But she does always turn up, and we do have a good laugh for the two or three hours we're together ... She always buys nice Christmas presents and birthday presents and never forgets my birthday. I've got her on Facebook, and she likes and makes nice comments on every single picture or post I put on there.

She's quite busy. She's got four children, aged 12 to 24, (two still at home,) and a job - 28 hours a week she does over 3-4 days... But I'm quite a busy person as well. I mean, I've got children - left home now but I still see them and am a part of their lives... And I have a part time job, (21 hours,) and I've got extended family that I visit and a couple of other friends. and a few hobbies and a husband...

I don't think it would hurt her to contact me first occasionally. I do get a little bit annoyed and a little bit rattled by it - because I do really feel if I didn't contact her again, I'd never see her again.

Also, like your friend, she sometimes takes 2 days to message me back which annoys me a bit. It takes like, 30 seconds to send a message back! Feels like I am left hanging. On some occasions, I wait 3-4 days, and she still hasn't messaged, and I message again to see if she got my message! She messages then, (within about 3 hours,) and doesn't even apologise for not responding for 3-4 days! Just says 'oh yeah, let's meet at The Red Lion at midday on Friday 27th...

I do sometimes think about not ever messaging her again after the next time we meet, and wait for HER to message me... but I'm afraid she won't. And I don't like the idea of never seeing her again either. So I'm just going to have to take this as a rather annoying idiosyncrasy of hers at the end of the day. I do think she values our friendship, but not as much as I do.

@8ahwe , it really depends how much you want this person in your life. If the fact they never message you first, and it's always you, is the worst thing about them. Then just suck it up and accept it. I have done...

All these people on here saying they don't have time to reply to a friend's text but they have time to write a reply to a stranger on mumsnet.

So complete silence until she needs something? hahahahahahahahaha.

I'd just ignore it.

Ah then you have the answer.

she wants you when you can do something.

How tiresome and transactional.

Just ignore them. It’s a shame, but maybe this is a period of her life she isn’t such a close friend and things might change in the future. Don’t burn the bridge but I wouldn’t bother replying when she’s been so blatant in her CFness.

Some posters are saying they are crap at replying to messages and forget to…fair enough, but do they also totally forget to message those same friends about anything else or to see how they are for months and months on end? To me, that smacks of ‘I can’t be arsed to keep this friendship going - I don’t care enough.’ It takes 15 seconds to send a quick text once a month! Nobody is that busy. So no, YANBU to be upset with your rude ‘friend’.

Just wanted to make sure this wasn't my friend (that I love very much) talking about me 😬

I have a couple of friends like this and I've pretty much left them to it to be honest. One in particular I no longer consider a friend, but the not bothering to reply to messages is the icing on the cake amongst other shitty behaviours.

The other friend will reply eventually, however she posts on social media every single day about herself but never interacts with mine at all. I don't think it's just me, she never responds to others comments or likes them either. Very very self absorbed.

I have a friend who takes ages to reply but whenever she texts me and i don't reply within a few hours she texts ????? Which bloody annoys me

Friends contact each other so even if you hadn't messaged her, at some point over 4 months surely she'd think to get in touch with you herself. I wouldn't send anymore messages and see what happens.

I get people are busy but to not reply for 4 months after reading the message is ignorant. I’d just leave your friend to it if I was you.

How about actually calling your friend?

Your friend is a horrible twat. Decent people respond.

It means more to you than it does to her sorry

I think your friend is really cheeky. As pp have said she could make an effort and I think should make ah effort.

She might have stuff on? But so might you! This was a friend of mine in the past didn't know I had a baby,until baby was nearly one...end of any friendship on my behalf

I would say that even if a friend is terrible with messages (I can be guilty of this as I don't like messaging and don't have my phone on me all the time) that the friend in your OP is no longer interested in staying in touch with you. You've given her two clear chances and no reply. Time to let it go, unfortunately .

I'd leave it now see if she gets back in touch

I can be terrible with messages..

But this is about you more than them - you have to have your own boundaries. It bothers you, so move on.

Is this friend a guy or a girl OP?