To not want her coming in the house?

1. Keep door locked.

1. Refuse to budge on this.

I keep my front door locked at all times. After having a man stumble into my door, incoherent, scarey, rolling around on the floor half dressed. I never left my door unlocked since.
My husband soon learned to lock the front door.

Ps. I had to call the police on weird, naked man.

Blimey, not unreasonable in the slightest. It's a huge infringement in your privacy and she is rude in the extreme.

If DH's ex had tried this she'd only have done it once.

She just lets her self in!?! Wow that is insanely rude!! I wouldn't be having any of that. She is walking all over your boundaries as she thinks she has the right to. Absolutely do not stand for it. My ex mother in law would do this, I've nipped down stairs half naked after a shower and being the only one in, to get clothes out the dryer to find ex mil in my house making herself a cuppa!?! I have no idea why as we didn't get on so absolutely no reason for her to be there when it was just me at home. It's basically telling you that they are more important and your house and rules mean nothing to them.

Also if she can just waltz in so can random other people and there are plenty of weirdos that will. I would lock that door and keep it that way (or get a different fitting because you should just be able to shut the door and it not be openable from the outside without a key) unless you always have the latch on... In which case get that off asap! Tell her it's not on and if she complains tell her it's not up for debate and keep the door locked

Omg just realised this thread is from like two months ago. Hopefully you've worked something out that works for you OP!

I'm just going to (maybe pointlessly) reiterate what everyone else has said. Lock the door.

I always have my doors locked, not because I'm convinced that dangerous criminals are going to burst in at any moment, but just because it then means I don't have to think about it at all and don't have to worry about uninvited visitors walking in, or worry about forgetting to lock them at night. Just get into the habit of it and you'll have more control about letting her in.

Co-parenting doesn’t involve either parent just walking unannounced and uninvited into the home your ex now shares with a new partner. Why would you think the OP is being awkward for being put out ? And it’s irrelevant whether the OP was ‘cheating’ while DH was married - although I fail to see the red flags. Just because DHs ex is unpleasant to her, doesn’t mean OP was responsible for the marriage breakdown. Even if it was, this still wouldn’t be something she should tolerate.

You shouldn't have to lock your door to keep unwanted people from just walking in.

I'm with you OP. I had a horrible ex to deal with also, so feel your pain, although she knew never to walk into our home that was made very clear.

No, that's not what co-parenting is.

Sounds like your being awkward on purpose. You sound like a red flag. Its called co parenting. Did you cheat whilst he was her husband because it sounds like it .

Just keep the door locked then she can't just come in.

If you don't want to lock it all the time then just turn the key an hour before she is due to arrive (in case she turns up slightly early)

It’s just a little spin on Jack, although I probably do more, and better, trades than him 😉

And in The Great Escape, when they were digging the tunnels, they would shake the dirt they dug out from their trouser legs! Hence my comment previously about checking pockets for holes 😄

I love your username

So sorry 😞. 😂

I thought you would have realise that I was as well 😊

I'm not going to get back into the argument of locking yourself and other teenagers/adults in the house in the day.

I was joking 😊

Escapes 😮

Check their trouser pockets for holes and see if there is any extra gravel in the garden.

And don’t let them watch The Great Escape 😉

I would fit a Yale so she can’t just come in and when she rings the bell just shout up to your SD that mum is here, but don’t get the door 🤷🏻‍♀️

No toddlers here. I'm sure I did lock the door when I did have but I'm not locking my teenager, DH or me in incase one of us escapes.

The OP also has younger children- I would be concerned that a toddler could let themselves out of an unlocked door and head off down the road. My friend's son was a terrible little escape artist when he was about 3, and she ended up having to change her ordinary door handle for a Yale , and putting on a chain. Sounds excessive, but better than an escaping child.

YANBU!

2 people I know of have died of Covid this month. You'd be surprised.

Not unreasonable to be annoyed about the ex letting herself into your home

now be reasonable to lock the door, ask DH to tell ex to not just enter your home but to ring the child to let her know she’s there.

I can see potential issue if child’s phone is off, out of battery etc.

how about a ring doorbell too? If she tries the door, finds it locked - you’d get a notification someone is at the door to which you can, via your phone or smart watch, tell her the step daughter will be out momentarily.

having locked door and a ring doorbell are so useful. Imagine also never having to ever put up with any unwanted people at your door in person again. You can simply state you’re not interested. People at your door also need never know if you’re in or not p

Agreed. Very violent robbers can also smash their ways into houses. Again it is very rare. I don’t lie awake at night worrying about it.

people leave their front doors unlocked on my quiet cul de sac so playing children can come and go as they please.

And yes there have been awful news stories about what can happen when children play unsupervised - but every parents does a risk assessment. In my street they seem to be allowed to play from about nine years old. I can’t imagine their parents barricaded in the house incase some random murdered enters their house while their children play football in the street outside!

Doors are locked at night but my goodness the fear some people live with must be crippling.