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Original poster

To be fed up of the girl staying with me ?

409 replies

BasKaro · 08/09/2023 11:16

I am having a bit of a vent , but I need to offload somewhere....

A girl we don't know has ended up at our house. My husband slightly knew hers (friend of a friend) and my husband got called when they got "kicked out" of their accommodation. He told my husband the landlord was being bad (they are a student and dependant so it is common) but it transpired he had been beating her, severely, and the landlord asked them to leave because of that. I was away when this all happened, but came home to the girl being here, the husband was kicked out after one day by my husband (I'd have not let him in the door but I didn't know anything).

So, I've "taken over", got her to hospital, reported to the police , linked her with womens aid etc. etc. I've been through abuse, I really get it. I've literally held her hand through every wobble, been at every appointment shes asked me to, bought her things to cheer her up (I mean at least make a few minutes abit brighter in her day) and been really on the back of the police/solicitors etc .

But omg I think I'm going to break. She has a very part time job as she needs to save for her fees as he took the money (we take zero rent, zero for food, we buy everything basic or even trips out for context). It's maybe 15 min walk in q safe, lit area. She calls all the time for a lift from my husband and one day he said abit bluntly that she can walk, he's in the other direction with the kids at a park. She didn't speak to him for 2 days. I tried to make a joke of it and "joke scold" him to break the tension but then she was just so rude, telling him to get out of the kitchen where she was, brushing her hands at him. She isn't shy at all but she just won't eat unless it's cooked her her and to her liking. I thought it was awkwardness or shyness but it's not. Sometimes she'll come to me with some work for me (emailing her uni or something) and be like "is there anything to eat?". Like yesterday I just had toast while she slept and said I had toast and she sort of sniffed and walked away. We took her out with us and she said it was boring (just 2h at a farm thing with the kids) and sniffed her way around while on the phone. Sometimes I hear her giggling away on the phone and then she'll see im home and come out of the room past me, sniffing away. When anything isn't going her way (like her husband called mine and he told her the next day and she was screeching at him that he should have said and wasn't satisfied with the answers my husband was giving). When I finally found her husband (police couldn't find) I needed some info asap from her and she just was faffing and gossiping away about irrelevant info (when searching for the person the husband was staying with she commented the surname was of a "lower" caste so was like "fake screaming" about it and researching that when I desperately needed address info so I could notify the police asap before he left. Bearing in mind police have been looking 3m for him. When I was upset about her and my husband emailing about me at 11pm (he emailed her a big bitchy email.about me and she never told me, despite wanting every crumb of info about her husband from us) , she suddenly "had cancer". She doesn't, she saw she had hpv in her smear which was a month previous.
Anyway, I feel like now she is not eating for attention . I don't know how to deal with it. When she does this before my husband called her dad and she kind of "got off on it" and I think it's set a precedent.... I don't know. My husband is very unsympathetic, he just tunes out. I have mixed feelings, obviously she is going through a hell of a time but I feel like if I run around literally spoon feeding her it's going to spiral. There is everything she says she likes here, she isn't shy to ask for cakes or biscuits or whatever when out, isn't shy to go to the kitchen when we are here or house empty , she'll happily ask for expensive face creams or parlour visits so it's really not that.
What do I do?

OP posts:
Zooeyzo · 09/09/2023 19:52

I know what culture this is from your name @BasKaro this is actually not unbelievable and your guests behaviour absolutely believable. You're lucky she's going. The one more hug would have had me throwing the tea at her and your husband.

Lolasgame · 09/09/2023 19:35

This is very confusing. She doesn’t sound grateful at all, if you really have to help her maybe buy her basics not very expensive creams and beauty parlours. Make her do with £1 Nivea and the likes, you must be minted. Also wouldn’t her husband be able to target her at her university then follow her to your house.

cimena · 09/09/2023 19:30

She means people are assuming they’re Muslim but they’re a different religion

frustratednomad · 09/09/2023 19:19

Why are people telling her to get rid? I thought she had gone

Sudoku88 · 09/09/2023 19:17

Time to get rid. No excuses, tell her to sling her hook and shut the door behind her. She is completely ungrateful and taking the piss big time.

Milliemoo6 · 09/09/2023 18:54

I don't understand why you haven't had a conversation with her about her behaviour? You're all adults, and it's your home. If you want to carry on supporting her then set some ground rules, you need to help her to help herself, not do everything for her.

Redandpinkstripes · 09/09/2023 18:51

I honestly had to read that twice as I could not believe what I was reading. Hell no! would I put up that shit for another minute. She is taking the utter piss and mistaking your kindness for weakness. She is not your problem!

Terrribletwos · 09/09/2023 18:46

BasKaro · 08/09/2023 18:33

Im.not the same nationality, even by heritage if that makes sense. I am their religion though.
H has a disgusting trait that he does tend to side with whatever is against me, I've blocked his calls at the moment but he started calling off her phone and says now I don't hate her, I can't be bothered with whatever he says. He jumped on me even though I've had to rein him in so many times for being unsympathetic and suddenly its all on me. I wash my hands of it all. I know if she backtracks on the whole thing I'll be "blamed" for calling the police and encouraging her to tell the truth to the doctors etc. Now I see why people just don't get involved . I think they are phoning me now because they realise they've cut their noses off to spite their faces by 1)him telling her to go like asap and 2) her saying she'll go to india. Maybe they thought I'd stop them, or did out of anger now regret it because its very easy to make flippant statements like shes now off to India, the reality is very different. She can certainly afford a one way ticket. And, she does have some extended family in the UK too.
Hopefully she'll be gone by the time I get back, hoping they both have enough flounce in them to make sure the bags are packed and shes gone to his friends like he said.

You say here that you're the same religion but further on you say that you can't have another wife, we are a different religion...I am confused?

ScottishWoman · 09/09/2023 18:27

Holy moly. Get her out. Not your responsibility. Call social work and she can live in safe housing/emergency accommodation. You've done a lot and when someone doesn't appreciate it they can GTF.

TreacleBeps · 09/09/2023 18:05

This sounds like a joke! 🤣 some you don't know moves in and you pay for everything, no wonder she has no respect.
Do you have another room??? Asking for a friend 🤣

Toomuchtrouble4me · 09/09/2023 17:36

Take your kids, sell the house and leave DH and her to it. Fuck that for a game of soldiers, they saw you coming!

historyrepeatz · 09/09/2023 17:36

Good, you didn't need an entitled 26 year old child on top of everything else. Did you cancel your weekend away?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/09/2023 16:49

I'm delighted for you she has gone!
Your new life starts now... or as soon as you can get the tenants to leave

HowDoesThisWorkPlease · 09/09/2023 15:08

BasKaro · 08/09/2023 11:32

Exit plan really is her earn her fees (8k - unlikely) and finish her masters, go on to a post study work visa which will allow full time hours then get on her own feet. If she can't pay her fees then I don't know, I've been giving her the number for a womens aid type service that can give specialist advice to non permanent residents /no recourse to public funds but she just won't call. I have taken abit of a step back , also I can't call everyone as they want to speak with her not me. I guess if all else fails she'll have to return home but I am guessing there will be a court case here ? I've tried to give her a plan, even paid for her provisional licence but she just never finished the form and they ended up refunding it.

This cannot be an exit plan OP

You have been really kind but this cannot continue

Erdinger · 09/09/2023 14:46

Evieanne · 09/09/2023 14:16

This read like a hum tv/star plus tv series with the way she was behaving 😂but glad you don’t have to deal with the guest any more OP

Exactly. So many twists.

Evieanne · 09/09/2023 14:16

This read like a hum tv/star plus tv series with the way she was behaving 😂but glad you don’t have to deal with the guest any more OP

MariePaperRoses · 09/09/2023 13:54

Tinkerbyebye · 09/09/2023 13:40

Tell her to leave. She is not your problem, May have suffered abuse but tell her to go to a woman’s aid and they can sort, or the council is homeless

she obviously is not going to help herself

Have you read the thread?

Tinkerbyebye · 09/09/2023 13:40

Tell her to leave. She is not your problem, May have suffered abuse but tell her to go to a woman’s aid and they can sort, or the council is homeless

she obviously is not going to help herself

Emz6103 · 09/09/2023 13:02

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/09/2023 16:21

Who are you talking to?

Clicking the 3 vertical dots at the top right of a post will reveal the "quote' option. Use that so your response isn't a complete waste of time.

Show quote history

Like this? If this has worked thank you so much lol bit like pissing on the wind it never pops up on the right place

Puddycatfan · 09/09/2023 12:36

I know in my last post I was quite short with you, it was borne of frustration and anger.

I am so pleased for you. Hopefully the rest of the situation can be resolved and you can have some peace.

graceinspace999 · 09/09/2023 11:42

Jaemoon · 08/09/2023 14:54

It is 'just' you and it's bloody annoying.

If you can't contemplate anything beyond your own mundane existence then that's not OP's fault.

I really hate these troll hunting by stealth posts. If you don't believe it, report it.

Show quote history

My previous post was in response to this unfortunately it wasn’t included🤷‍♀️

graceinspace999 · 09/09/2023 11:40

Hi
There was no attempt to offend or troll hunt by me.

I expressed a thought that occurs to me from time to time while reading here.

My post is now deleted and I accept that.

However your post was personally insulting to me.

You know nothing about my life.

There are ways to disagree without resorting to insults though it does require more effort.

Olika · 09/09/2023 11:12

Amazing news! I am so happy for you! Smile as some PPs have said, now start thinking of a plan for you and the kids. Good luck!

Batalax · 09/09/2023 10:56

Also if dh always wants to be seen as the good guy, can’t you cut some sort of deal with him where he moves out and you take the blame for the split? Maybe exaggerate how you wanted her out etc. Thus letting him save face?

Worth a try.

Flipbopboop · 09/09/2023 10:56

If you can afford it, change the locks just in case she tries to come back.