Page 8 | To think that not everyone has ADHD

Ws2210 · 2023-09-07T19:03:21+00:00

Lately it seems like every other mumsnet post, someone (the OP or the person they're posting about) has ADHD...or at least that's what the replies will inevitably suggest. Recent examples, DD's boyfriend eats all the food. Does he have ADHD? DH hasn't come home all night. Is it ADHD? Someone took a massive shit and now has hemorrhoids? ADHD! OK, so I made the last one up but I can't be the only one who has noticed this?! Note, I am not denying people legitimately have ADHD, just questioning why it is being diagnosed so frequently over the internet

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 07/09/2023 23:50

@AuDHD4Me I also want my children to have an easier life than mine so we're not so different ☺️

QueenCamilla · 07/09/2023 23:50

sillyuniforms · 07/09/2023 23:32

If you met my DD 13 for an hour or two you'd not realise but just think she was a 'chatty live wire'. But get to watch her and she's a social car crash in terms of proper mates. She saw not one mates over summer.

It has always been very similar for me. To be fair, maintaining relationships just feels like... Work. So many people seem just so boring very quickly!
I'm sort of OK these days "bingeing" on humans - I go out, find the most interesting and intense (probably ADHD! ) people, stay out waaaay too long, get my fill and then I can disappear again with no expectations placed on me. Until I feel like going out again.

It's better that way - no one manages to bore me and I don't have to let anyone down by turning up 30mins late or not sending a Birthday card.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:47

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 07/09/2023 23:43

I was diagnosed at 45 as ADHD. Just started meds 2 days ago. I cried. I felt instantly so much better. I'm so happy to finally understand all my struggles. I was diagnosed with OCD at 16, so this seems to complete the puzzle of my mind.

I finally understand myself and that I'm not lazy or stupid. It's changed my life. Literally crying again.

Congrats on your diagnosis! It is genuinely life changing but not always in the way you think. If you need anything, advice or support, I'm happy to help.

Adhdsucks · 07/09/2023 23:45

@Redlarge i think you’re misunderstanding that poster. They’re saying because they are intelligent they are able to mask. There will be people with ADHD who also have low intelligence and possibly won’t be able to mask as effectively.

My ‘cleverness’ has actually been a hindrance to me because it meant people overlooked the behaviours that were pointing towards a neurodiversity. You can get away with a lot if you’re smashing your exams.

IdleAnimations · 07/09/2023 23:45

Thank you.

I was diagnosed as a child and have had psychiatric help my entire life (elder millennial). Now I see people making anything and everything ADHD. It’s become a quirky trivial ‘oops I can’t do anything’ excuse. It winds me up after struggling so much. It’s made me go back into the closet IRL as I find it embarrassing to be included in the diagnosis banding now.

Sometimes it’s not ADHD, sometimes you just need to get a grip. A lesson I’ve learnt and now I seem more high functioning than the self diagnosed crowd.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:45

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 07/09/2023 23:42

@AuDHD4Me I hope my comments are not making you feel I'm attacking you. I'm trying hard not to offend and I'm actually terrible at explaining myself.

I would never wish to offend anyone who has ADHA or Autism and I hope I haven't offended you as that's absolutely not my intention.

It's hard to offend me, I'll be honest.
Maybe my communication style is combative. I feel engaged with the conversation. I respect your view but try to convey my own. No hard feelings. I'm just trying to get my point across as someone with ADHD and who is autistic with children in the same boat. I'd like their lives to be easier than mine.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 07/09/2023 23:43

I was diagnosed at 45 as ADHD. Just started meds 2 days ago. I cried. I felt instantly so much better. I'm so happy to finally understand all my struggles. I was diagnosed with OCD at 16, so this seems to complete the puzzle of my mind.

I finally understand myself and that I'm not lazy or stupid. It's changed my life. Literally crying again.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 07/09/2023 23:43

ADHD, sorry

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 07/09/2023 23:42

@AuDHD4Me I hope my comments are not making you feel I'm attacking you. I'm trying hard not to offend and I'm actually terrible at explaining myself.

I would never wish to offend anyone who has ADHA or Autism and I hope I haven't offended you as that's absolutely not my intention.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:39

@Redlarge how so? Genuinely not trying to minimise. My IQ makes it easier for me to mask. I'm a watcher and a copier. That's not necessarily a good thing. My therapist said she thinks my intelligence has meant people don't see the deficits. That's all I was saying.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:37

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 07/09/2023 23:27

@AuDHD4Me I was replying to the op, it makes sense to me.

Try not to take my comments personal.

Thanks for clarifying. Hard not to take things personal when your neurotype is under attack 🤦🏻‍♀️

Redlarge · 07/09/2023 23:36

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:34

@Redlarge not sure why you're fighting about this. I have ADHD. I am autistic. It can be masked. That's all I was saying.

Because you are minimising, labelling and dismissive. Given you have those diagnosed you are incredibly judgemental and dismissive of others

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:35

@Redlarge currently in burnout. I didn't say it lasts forever. I masked til I couldn't.

Redlarge · 07/09/2023 23:34

sillyuniforms · 07/09/2023 23:32

If you met my DD 13 for an hour or two you'd not realise but just think she was a 'chatty live wire'. But get to watch her and she's a social car crash in terms of proper mates. She saw not one mates over summer.

I understand

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:34

@Redlarge not sure why you're fighting about this. I have ADHD. I am autistic. It can be masked. That's all I was saying.

MissHavershamReturns · 07/09/2023 23:33

I have it. So does my son

sillyuniforms · 07/09/2023 23:32

If you met my DD 13 for an hour or two you'd not realise but just think she was a 'chatty live wire'. But get to watch her and she's a social car crash in terms of proper mates. She saw not one mates over summer.

Redlarge · 07/09/2023 23:32

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:24

@Redlarge
Disagree. I have always been aware of my deficits but intelligent enough to carefully construct my own interventions to appear "normal" - it absolutely can be masked.

Disgusting

Redlarge · 07/09/2023 23:30

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:24

@Redlarge
Disagree. I have always been aware of my deficits but intelligent enough to carefully construct my own interventions to appear "normal" - it absolutely can be masked.

Its never ever ever about intelligence.... disgusting for you to think so.... read up on the condition im a high achiever in a high profile demanding job. My issues have never, ever been intelligence

Moonflowered · 07/09/2023 23:28

Gahhhhereheisagain · 07/09/2023 20:51

Whilst I am sympathetic to people who want to understand more about their mental health and the way their brains work, I do feel it's over-diagnosed now. I work in MH, mostly within the prison system, and I don't see a lot of these massively high achieving people who just realised they have always struggled, and can really only identify forgetfulness and disorganisation as a symptom.
I completely see that people want an answer to why they're struggling, why they feel like they're failing, why they're constantly on the back foot. It's because our lives were never meant to be this way. We were not designed to juggle full time work, life, parenting, friendship, relationships, exercise and wellbeing. We are constantly feeling the need to be present whilst simultaneously preparing for the next thing.
When people talk about wanting a diagnosis, I must admit I don't get it. My dd is on the waiting list for asd. The day she does or doesn't get that diagnosis, nothing will change. There's not a magical mental health service which pops up to help her. An EHCP is needs based so a diagnosis is irrelevant for that. What do people really hope to gain? Validation?

The day she does or doesn't get that diagnosis, nothing will change.

The day my dd got her autism diagnosis, things started to change. She's sleeping better, going to school again, and learning techniques to regulate her emotions. Her grades have improved noticeably. She's no longer trying to harm herself. She's stopped running away. Life is better for our whole family. I felt like less of a failure as a mum. I realised why being her mum had felt so, so hard for so long.

If you don't think it matters for your dd, why don't you take her off the lengthy waiting list and make a space for someone else?

My dd was "fine" and "high achieving" until, without warning, she tried to kill herself.

Redlarge · 07/09/2023 23:28

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 07/09/2023 23:24

@Redlarge
Disagree. I have always been aware of my deficits but intelligent enough to carefully construct my own interventions to appear "normal" - it absolutely can be masked.

Oh i very very much know how to do that. Had 39 years experience until i couldnt mask anymore. Im happy you never got to that point

gwenneh · 07/09/2023 23:27

Livelovebehappy · 07/09/2023 23:16

I just wonder where all this was when I was growing up in school. All through my school years, from 5 to 18, I never came across anyone who displayed ADHD or Autistic traits. Never. Yet I read on these threads that it’s common to have at least half a dozen or more in each class. There must be something which has caused this huge increase over the last 30 years.

It was emerging; my sister was diagnosed in the 1980's. I still remember the hoops my parents had to jump through to get to the diagnosis of "ADD" among other things.

Adhdsucks · 07/09/2023 23:27

Alopeciabop · 07/09/2023 23:25

@Namddf okay so I just wrote out a hole post and it disappeared so I’m going to summaries what I can remember haha.

I said my inner child is jealous in honesty because parents I see now who have kids with adhd or asd etc are able to support and nurture their kids for who they are not who they think they should be. They can work with the teachers and ensure their child is getting help. The teachers have a REASON for the behaviour so don’t get what I, and others like me, did (called bone idle, difficult, lazy, etc)
and I’m only going to speak for my experience of adhd here, but it is not as simple as ‘I’m forgetful or I lose stuff or whatever’. The condition, combined with the build up of feeling like an outsider/being treated like an outsider/being called lazy etc, causes exam failure, toxic relationships, anxiety, depression, mood regulation issues, abusive relationships, unwanted pregnancies, risk seeking behaviours, addiction problems. All of these and then some I have personally experienced.

i don’t regret getting diagnosed but if I had been earlier there very likely could have been a lot of damage limitation and even prevention of any of these things occurring.

Meant to quote this

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 07/09/2023 23:27

@AuDHD4Me I was replying to the op, it makes sense to me.

Try not to take my comments personal.

Adhdsucks · 07/09/2023 23:27

I relate so much