To think that not everyone has ADHD

The medication doesn't take away your control! It merely quiets down a hyperactive brain (if that's what you have) or in my case with inattentive adhd, it helps me focus. I can now sit down and work through a boring work task and get it done. It seems to take away some of that "barrier" to starting things. My work is easier now, my house is cleaner, I don't feel as overwhelmed. It doesn't affect my emotions or how I feel about anything.

I still have adhd, I still struggle with lots of aspects, but I am finding life a bit easier now.

It's great you have found techniques that have worked for you, but to rubbish medication when you clearly don't know that much about it, does yourself and those of us who take it a disservice. The last thing we need is more stigma around taking medication - life with ADHD is hard enough.

Ws2210

What an utterly ridiculous and offensive post. You have no basis for that.

It definitely runs in families. As I understand it (from
lectures and books) you’ll have the ADHD gene from a parent (often mother, mine is father) and then something happens environmentally to switch it on. In my case (and DD’s (who was diagnosed before me after her teachers spotted signs) our deliveries by forceps could be a factor. I had an early childhood trauma too (DD didn’t and her symptoms are milder than mine in many ways).

I strongly suspect my dad has both ADHD and ASD. My nephew is severely autistic and looking back, my sister always had traits. We just didn’t know then what we know now.

ChristmasCrumpet

Well frankly I couldn’t give too hoots. Thankfully professionals and people in RL I dealt with in the run to diagnosis for myself and my children always supported self diagnosis and actually always treated them and myself “as if ND” before my dc got the diagnosis professionals thought they had.

Nc for this.
I was diagnosed 16 years ago after my dad was diagnosed, I definitely think there's a biological element.

I've never taken medication and there's no way I ever would. Fuck that for a game of soldiers, I would rather know that I'm incontrol of myself and anything I feel or do is an unscreened emotion or action. Agree everybody I know is on some sort of bloody pill whether it's for depression or adhd or whatever.
My technique in life is self hypnosis and reams and reams of lists. I create daily lists with basic tasks even broken down into mini tasks, so for example change sheets would be:
Strip bed
Wash sheets
Dry sheets
Take sheets upstairs
Put on bed

And i tick them all off. It makes me feel focused and in control.

I used to disclose ADHD but now on forms etc I tick the "nothing" box, I don't want to be in that category

The point of a diagnosis is to have certainty and understanding of yourself. Also with ADHD, there is medication as an option. The medication can be a massive help. It's certainly made a huge difference to my life.

With my diagnosis, my work are now understanding how best they can support me, I am lucky enough to work for an organisation that appreciates what benefits hiring people with neurodiversity can bring, and make provisions to try to make it easier for us to work in a way that best suits us.

My diagnosis has also made me realise that my DD also has ADHD (going through diagnosis now). Without that realisation, she would have gone through life struggling to understand why she couldn't do certain things, leading to poor self esteem and mental health issues like I suffered, not to mention under achieving academically. But now we know, we can do something about it. Her school will know and provisions can be made to support her. She will be able to use strategies that will best help her focus etc and she will hopefully have a much better quality of life than she would have otherwise.

Personally, I just ignore anyone who self diagnosed. It's unbelievably offensive and insulting.

No one would tell people:

"I'm diabetic"
"oh, I'm not very educated on diabetes, do you take insulin? do you have to eat at a certain time? would it help if I made a sugary drink?"
"no."
"Er? Ok, sorry I'm probably being really ignorant, I just thought that was often a part of diabetes?"
"No, but I have to eat cake twice a day, so I know I'm diabetic."

Wtf.

Unless you have been diagnosed with ADHD, you need to stop telling people you have it. Because you don't ... you merely suspect you have it (often based on utter crap that's not ADHD at all), but only a doctor can diagnose this, that's why they're a doctor, and you are not

There is no support for the 50/50 suggestion, although it’s almost certainly above the 4% (?) currently quoted.

Totally agree with you. It’s heartbreaking to see the turmoils and frustrations of children with it yet SO many of my parents tell me that their children have it when they just need parenting. It’s the new dyslexia.

They didn’t know ASD and ADHD affected girls differently. :(

I feel like I've missed the boat really, went to primary school in the 90s, was frequently described as anxious and 'timid,' used to get a stomach ache every morning which I now know was anxiety, was seen as 'clever ' but could not get the work done, had rages and meltdowns at home (was pretty well behaved until secondary school though) which led to cutting from 11yo. Also had a tic and obsessive behaviours. Why did no one ever at least consider the possibility that something was 'wrong?'

This is a really good post. Thank you

See I have a theory that ND and NT is a 50/50 split. It's just for a long time it's not been recognised. My dad was caned at school for being disorganised, struggling with his working memory, not being academically able. His mother was almost certainly autistic, she was exceptionally clever and had a PhD (unusual for a woman in the 1920s), but she couldn't cope with people, couldn't cope with loud noise, ate a very limited diet, couldn't wear a lot of clothing as she felt uncomfortable in anything restrictive. Whilst my father had his basic needs met (food, clothing etc) he grew up with no love, one of my earliest memories was running up to my grandmother to give her a hug, and she froze, and gave an awkward pat, looking to my mother to remove said limpet! My dad was the same, he couldn't relate to people, he wasn't an easy man, or a particularly good father, he was a massive risk taker, but I'm absolutely sure he would have been diagnosed as ND had he been born today.
DD does have an ASD diagnosis, but she wouldn't have had it twenty or even ten years ago (she would have been written off as an academic failure, and that weird kid in the corner....how many of us went to school with kids written off in such a way?) It's crap, it makes life so fucking difficult, it's not a fucking superpower it's bloody soul destroying. She struggles so much, every. Fucking. Thing. Has to be planned in military precision, going out for a meal just doesn't happen, because her sensory issues make it another level of hell. I can't remember the last time I took her to a supermarket. As for school uniform dear god, when are schools going to allow soft stretchy clothing? And when are they going to understand that when her fidgeting becomes distracting to other class members they need to get her out of the f'ing classroom?
FML dd shouldn't have to go to school, she can't cope with it, and I wonder what the point is? She won't pass her GCSEs, her confidence is already on the floor, so you know let's just kick her some more and prove just how shit she is by forcing her to do exams....
Sorry I'm ranting, the thing is, dd is not alone, and the more we recognise the difficulties that ND causes, just maybe one day, we'll figure out a better education for these children, so they don't end up in prison or on the streets...because believe me, most of those people residing at HMP will be ND.
Someone upthread mentioned chaotic families, and how that can present as ND, thing is, there is a high chance that that chaotic family has a ND parent. But it's much easier to judge, scorn and blame than look for causes of chaos.
Of course not everyone who is neurodivergent is shit academically, and not everyone who is shit academically is ND, BUT if kids aren't academic why are we forcing them to fail? Why are we forcing them through a system they can not win? Why are we not looking at what they can achieve?
Oh and just one more thing ND is still not recognised in other cultures, and the use of discipline to enforce 'good' behaviour is not the answer...it really really isn't. The beatings my dad got didn't stop him being ND, but forcing him to 'fit in', did very serious damage.
It's obvious on this thread the people who don't have ND or a ND child, parenting a ND child is 10000000x more difficult than parenting a NT child, I have one of each and a NT child is easy peasy parenting.

ND isn't a competition, it's not some sort of label to be jealously guarded, or given away for free, it's not a about crap parenting, it's about a child or adult struggling to fit into a society built on social structures and academic success, both areas of which can adversely impact someone who is ND.

I have a 'friend' who has diagnosed herself with ADHD (knowing I've had it since a child and am still medicated) and does 'hilarious' tiktoks of her acting crazy and saying it's the ADHD...do fuck off 🤣 I hate that it's a trend at the moment and agree everyone seems to have it now. I failed all my GCSEs and had to resit them alone due to distraction, it's not a bloody trend it's a really shitty thing to deal with every day ffs.

These are all highly capable professional women with senior jobs, running busy households and families. So if the do have ADHD it doesn't seem to have held them back in any way at all.

You would say that about me. You have no idea what it’s really like in my head or behind closed doors. I‘m clinging on by my fingernails having been in a constant state of fight or flight for decades (without knowing it). I don’t look after myself, my relationship with food is shocking, my house is an absolute state unless someone is coming over, my finances are a mess, everything is by the skin of my teeth. I never knew that other people’s brains don’t have 200 different thoughts, conversations, plans, things to remember etc going on all at the same time.

meds won’t fix me losing things, breaking things, being late for everything, and so on, but if it quiets down even half of the brain noise it will make such a massive difference to me. I’m also implementing strategies from coaching, including exercise, nutrition and sleep.

I love some aspects of my brain. But I’m so exhausted from masking every day and the noise and chaos continues 24/7. I’m worried about my future health if I don’t manage this now by whatever means possible.

Again, yes, but that is called VAST and not ADHD. ADHD symptoms need to have been observed in childhood ( mobile phones didn’t exist when I was a child).

From the book ADHD 2.0

I know right!

In the last couple of months, three of my friends have told me, separately, that they think they have ADHD, from a quiz/questionnaire.

These are all highly capable professional women with senior jobs, running busy households and families. So if the do have ADHD it doesn't seem to have held them back in any way at all.

I don't understand understand the need to suddenly label yourself with a disorder in your 40s. A struggling child fighting for support is obviously a totally different scenario.

I think modern life has become so harsh on the soul that it has caused a lot of people to not be able to cope without a muffler.

This 💯

For attention.

@everythingthelighttouches I never said it was the same programme. I said they've got form for inaccurate reporting on this issue. And I already explained one of the many biases used in the BBC article to get the outcome the journalist needed for their brief. Daily Mail level 'journalism'. Its utterly disgraceful.

If you genuinely do have ADHD then sure. But this thread isn't about them

OR, hear me out... Medication really does help and they are so relieved to feel their brain work properly for the first time ever. Why should people suffer unnecessarily?

It's all about the drugs.

Now you get "I cam finally breathe again" or "I'm finally me".

No shit, you're on daily, intensive medication, and I think that's what most people are aiming for.

I think modern life has become so harsh on the soul that it has caused a lot of people to not be able to cope without a muffler.