To think that not everyone has ADHD

@Loulou599

I don't really think anything sounds unusual about your situation. How many people would be able to hold down a high powered job while also running a home and practicing perfect self care and tending to their kids?
The people who CAN do all that used to be the anomalies, they were called high achievers.

Oh well clearly you know better than the psychiatrist who diagnosed me on the basis of many similar anecdotes about my struggles to maintain any basic routines.

I have over 40 years experience of comparing myself to other people and wondering why I’m different and can’t cope with things that other people can. And I KNOW it’s not simply that everyone else is putting on a brave face and eating cold beans in private - for starters I live 24/7 with an example of a normal functional adult! Enough line managers have been baffled and exasperated by me to know this is not the norm. I’ve been to enough weddings full of old friends of the bride and groom that upset me because I lose all my friends as I struggle to stay in touch. I’ve nodded and smiled through enough conversations with friends that I simply can’t relate to.

ilI do think you’re partially right in that it’s only the layered pressures of a job, house, family which have really exposed the full extent of my inability to cope and pushed my into a diagnosis - this is not uncommon and I think part of the reason for late diagnosis in women particularly.

And I also think screens have a lot to answer for - not in being the root cause but in exacerbating the problem.

But no, this is not the life every working parent is living, of that much I am confident.

Yes, any bad behaviors by males

I think modern life is hard.

How we live isn't how we've evolved to live, work etc. So many people struggle, they are looking for a reason why.

For thousands of years humans have:

• spent a lot of time outdoors
• eaten more healthy diets, but also very predictable simple diets with not much change
• not had screens, artificial lights & got more sleep as a result
• lived in close knit communities with a lot of family support
• accomodated individuals with different needs in various ways - think about monks and ascetics etc
• worked on repetitive tasks
• not had to deal with the kind of organisation and accountabilities that a lot of jobs involve
• not had to attend formal school settings
• lived in a quieter, calmer world

Most kids i know who have level 1 asd, many of the things they struggle with simply weren't an issue 1000 years ago.

1000 years ago it was fine to eat the same bland familiar carb heavy food every day.
You didn't have to go to school.
There was far less noise.
You almost never had to meet or interact with unfamiliar people or places
Most people did exactly the same thing day in, day out, all year
You wore the same clothes day in, day out and had to tolerate things like hair washing only rarely.
If you wanted to go work alone and not talk to anyone all day, there were loads of occupations where you could do just that - shepherd for eg.

We place SO many demands on everyone, and its too much for many people

Ha ha I know right, all ADHD people do is try. Its really hard.
However some of the work i have done with my doctor has been maging time, compartmentalise tasks. Do the most difficult/hated task first. Use multiple alarms. Its helped a bit. But i cant always be that organised to function like this continuously. I wish i could. But i try.

So are you saying ADHD and ASD could be cured if people just tried hard enough?

Have you tried ear loops,game changer in open plan offices or anywhere you get overstimulated really.

The point of a diagnosis is knowledge, and legal protections/access to support.

ASD/ADHD are protected characteristics under the Equalities Act. In education it can help get you and EHCP, which entitles you to education support right through until age 25.

In the work place, it covers you for 'reasonable adjustment' for help to be able to do your work..

like in my case, the 'reasonable adjustment' in my voluntary role (Which also has to abide by the equalities act) was taking on another member of staff to act as my PA, as my ADHD is inattentive type and i have zero working memory, so forget dates/deadlines, they are essentially my diary, because if someone asks me to do something, i will forget within 10 minutes, so i have trained myself to forward any request to my PA immediately, and HE records it and keeps track of when i need to do stuff, and reminds me frequently, and also finds all the files/resources i need for the work because i dont remember where they're stored in the company google drive.

It's also meant i'm allowed to not use a radio (requirement of the job) because i have auditory processing issues and can't hear over the things. (my PA wears it)

IF/when i return to a proper workplace, i will be entitled to ask for adjustments to accommodate me in the workplace there too.

This is outside the relief, knowledge of being able to untangle decades of self loathing and thoughts that i'm just clearly stupid/incapable and useless.

They wont be cured, but they could be managed.

I don't think it's worth persuading non-believers what ADHD diagnosis means to you.
But I do see a lot of posts, on Reddit for example, where there is a litany of disasters and problems in people's lives due to their ADHD where they never mention if they are on medication or not. I presume not but if life's so hard you can do something about it.
This might be why people think that many don't have ADHD at all.

Has anyone seen that god awful couple on Tiktok. Shes got ADHD (apparently) and hes just an absolute tit. He talks to her like a baby and she acts like a stupid baby and has like weird hair and that and thier tik toks are all about her having ADHD, or basically running around like an absolute gobsite. Ergh they grate me.

I'd love to see these people fill those forms out. I had to do my DS's PIP form recently, bearing in mind i have AuDHD myself.. it was a fucking nightmare, i had SO many breakdowns/meltdowns over filling it in.

In the end i had to get a friend who also has a son with ASD to stay on a Discord call with me and talk to me while i filled it in because he was the only person who understood how STRESSFUL filling the damn thing out is.

I dont think they realise how gut wrenchingly, emotionally taxing it is to have to lay out every single one of your kids difficulties in text like that.. when we spend all our time telling them they CAN do stuff.. filling those forms out is absolutely soul destroying.. ain't nobody doing them for funsies.

@Beetleback
I don't really think anything sounds unusual about your situation. How many people would be able to hold down a high powered job while also running a home and practicing perfect self care and tending to their kids?
The people who CAN do all that used to be the anomalies, they were called high achievers.

Personally I see two root causes to the "rise" in ADHD:

1. Screens and mobile Internet physically changing the way our brains work
2. Screens and mobile Internet reflecting back images of perfection ("nobody else has racing thoughts...I must be weird". "Nobody else eats beans out the tin slumped on the floor aged 50...I must not be coping").

I am diagnosed and I genuinely struggle in so many ways. My friend did a quiz online after my diagnosis and diagnosed herself and most of our friendship group. They crack jokes about being the 'adhd' club... 'we've all got it' and give examples like i just cant sit down, im so chatty.
It really upsets me as they think its funny and think its being 'quirky' or a bit ditsy.
Yet they never mention symptoms like severe paralysis, extreme forgetfulness, brain fog, having 100 trains of thought at once and the dibilitating loud brain noise constantly.
The anxiety and inappropriateness of my actions causes me embrassment at times then ill over think it and get upset that i cant just function. I get so easily overwhelmed. I am really not able to keep up with basic stuff without struggling. I wonder how other people can keep a clean house as its honestly unbelievably difficult for me and i live alone. I lose everything. I miss mot dates on cars, bills are often paid late or not at all. I cannot budget.
They never mention this in the adhd club. More like 'oh im so adhd i put the tea in the coffee jar ha ha'.

This is so true. I could have written this. Half done jobs,everything being overwheming.

This exactly

Sorry that last one was meant for @valued

Research, asking people etc, speaking to psychologists, therapists and those who are experts in the field.

The formal heritability of ADHD is about 80% and therefore higher than most other psychiatric diseases.

Anywhere from one-third to one-half of parents with ADHD will have a child with the disorder. If a parent has ADHD, a child has more than a 50% chance of having it. If an older sibling has it, a child has more than a 30% chance.

How do you know that not everyone does this?

So much this.

The hereditary side of autism and adhd don’t appear to be very well understood on MN. It is more likely that those with siblings or parents who are nd are too, but only more likely and not THAT much more likely.

You might have seen me on the school run on Monday, swishing up power-dressed on my way to my exec job, looking every inch the professional (maybe you might have noticed the kids uniform is a little small as I didn’t get around to buying any new clothes over summer, but hey we’re all busy, right?)

You haven’t seen that Tuesday through Thursday I’ve worn the same clothes day and night. Not showered, just straightened my face and hair for zoom calls. Been sleeping on a bare mattress because I haven’t found the motivation to put on a bed sheet and have only eaten one meal a day. You’ve not heard the arguments I’ve had with my partner because once again it is him who has done the washing, cleaning and food shop.

But the kids are fed and happy and in school (maybe a little late some days) and the work gets done (mostly) on time. And so the charade of being a functioning have-it-all professional continues.

Wanted to add there are Clearly hereditary links to autism and adhd . If u child is Neurodiverse then there is a chance u are. So it's not surprising with there being more awareness of autism and adhd then the parents will also seek out diagnosis.

I'm one of these super annoying people who self diagnosed adhd , my daughter was diagnosed with asd at 2 and since she was diagnosed I did all the reaserch into as didn't know much, found out about adhd and autism, noticed that I just fitted adhd and realised my brain isn't what everyone's is like! As always assumed everyone struggled with things I did. I went to doctors for referral and been waiting 2 years and was diagnosed this week. I did self diagnose , i actually don't think it's a bad thing self diagnosis, the waiting lists are so long and learning adhd strategies have been so helpful. however I do belive u need to be in system for a diagnosis. I also have autism traits I don't self diagnosis I'm autistic because I don't actually know and currently not going for referral, I mentioned at adhd referral but they were very quick to shut me down .

What's quite shameful when I started out as teacher (I no longer teach now as parent carer for daughter) I didn't belive adhd was real! I belive some of the post on here that parents want money from goverment like proper stereotypical view I'm ashamed to say. Ironically I found teaching really difficult due to my adhd. So I've actually left teaching , I'm unable to get wrap around care for my daughter as she has high needs so I'm pleased I don't have to teach.
Unless u actually live with adhd daily u really have no idea how people are. Its a mental struggle daily and I would actually give anything for me and my family to not be Neurodiverse.

Lots of middle aged women r being diagnosed because they are having children there children are diagnosed Neurodiverse and the awareness and understanding of especially women with adhd and autism wasn't there in the 1980s/1990s and we slipped through the net. So they are able to go for assessments now.