To think that not everyone has ADHD

Then to answer this question, the reason people self diagnose is because the funding for Neurodiverity diagnosis is so poor it is almost impossible to get a daignosis unless you can afford to go private. I have been on the NHS wait list for 2 years and I do not expect to get to the top of it any time soon. If I hadn't already paid for a private diagnosis (and if I didn't have a lot of access to information through my studies) I might be looking for aid in diagnosing over the internet. The same way that we all google our symptoms when we are ill.

The question I have for you is why does it matter to you so much? And if your question was genuine why is there so much mockery in your wording?

I hate that people are mocked for suspecting they might have it now, it's like it's become a cliche to say you think you have it, but the world does not reward adhd, so why would anybody want to have it. I failed my driving test umpteen times, I failed to go up a level at work 6 times, there is a lot more, I won't go in to it. But there's a cohort of people who don't want you to have the comfort of knowing that lifelong struggles are as a result of your wiring, no, it's like they want you to feel that there is no reason and you're just stupid and useless and need to accept it. I'm finally ready to accept that I have it. When my therapist suggested to me that I had it, I shot her down, but I regret that now. I just badly wanted to be normal.

OP. It takes a long time to get a diagnosis. My DS has ADHD and it's make his life incredibly difficult

Willyoujustbequiet

What utter bilge. If they don’t have it they won’t have a diagnosis. You have no idea of their internal or external struggles. You have literally no evidence for this either. None.

We can’t win. Push yourself through adversity to do things and you haven’t got adhd. Don’t achieve things and you’re using a diagnosis to be lazy .

I find it tedious how often the only reason people can think of that you don’t think exactly like they do is that you “don’t understand” or you hate them and people like them or that you’ve never ever been impacted by any of the issues they list. The truth is some people like/need/want diagnosis and some don’t. Some people do have the condition, some think they do and dont, some just dont.

I agree @itsmyp4rty

It’s like denying people are shortsighted just because you personally aren’t and can’t believe that with better optical care more people would get diagnosed

God I find all the threads on 'Why does every have ASD/ADHD now' or 'Why does everyone think they have ASD/ADHD now' or Why are so many children being diagnosed with ASD/ADHD now' or 'Why are people constantly discussing whether their children have ASD/ADHD now' or 'Why do people keep suggesting something might be ASD/ADHD now' so tedious and repetitive,

They're a thousand times worse than anyone asking if they think something might indicate ASD/ADHD or someone saying have you considered ASD/ADHD. In the vast majority of cases when people do that it's because they have experience of the conditions and recognise the behaviours. That's why. If you don't have any experience of either then no need to comment or start more spurious threads on the subject making up crap about massive shits because you have so little genuine evidence for the point you're trying to make.

No, just because they may not be impaired to the level he is, or even where i am, doesn't mean that the support those groups provide, and the methods of coping that we share, won't benefit them in some way.

We're all in the same boat, kicking someone else off just because they're finding it easier, isn't going to make my journey any less hard.

@PhantomUnicorn If anyone is using a diagnosis as a reason to shrug and behave like they have no personal responsibility to keep trying to improve themselves, then that is a THEM problem, not a problem with diagnosis itself.

Does it not annoy you if people like me jump into support groups for people like your son?

@Middlelanehogger then that is your personal failing.

My kids have ASD/ADHD of varying degrees, my oldest is severely impaired by it, special schools, EHCP, DLA/PIP, will need me to be his carer well into adulthood level impaired.

I have built a scaffold around him that supports him, but at no point have i ever allowed his impairments to be excuses for not trying to improve himself, and i have treated myself in the same vain.

No, i have no short term memory, that causes serious problems for myself and also impacts on the people around me.. but i dont shrug and go 'oops, adhd' i find ways to work around it so it impacts us less.

If anyone is using a diagnosis as a reason to shrug and behave like they have no personal responsibility to keep trying to improve themselves, then that is a THEM problem, not a problem with diagnosis itself.

We can all tick off symptoms for mood disorders, OCD, ASD, Narcissistic Personality for some the impact on their lives (and often those close to them)

Oh those fucking internet checklists have a lot to answer for.

"Do you often misplace things?"

Yes. I do. I lose my keys all the time, I put pens down and can't find them, I lose the remote control. Just like everyone else!!!!!!!! That's normal!!!! I. Do. Not. Have. ADHD. And neither does anyone else because they put the remote down and can't find it a couple of times a week. For fucketh sake. Is it lowering my self esteem because I can't find a pen straight away? Is it a life/mental health problem that I have to find another of the many pens dotted around the house because I've lost the one on the windowsill? But I answer yes to the question on the checklist, right?

DS loses his entire pe kit every half term. Properly gone. We have to buy the whole thing again probably every 6 weeks. The amount of school jumpers he loses, was (at the highest point) 11 in one term. I now keep "credit' at the school office for the frequency he loses his locker key and needs a new one cut, because they were so fed up of asking me. He came home with one trainer. Lost the other. Just lost. No idea how or where. He's been back less than a week, and he's lost his water bottle and one textbook. And this is just his school stuff. The stuff he loses around the house is too long for this response. Then of course, there's the constantly feeling stupid because his friends aren't losing their things. Feeling embarrassed at the money he sees I have to spend on replacing everything. Feeling furious at himself because he's having to do pe in the lost property kit yet again because he hasn't even realised he's lost his kit until that day when it's not in his locker...if he can find his key that is. Feeling like a "loser" who can't even look after a jumper. Having to battle that feeling every day. The humiliation at having to tell his teachers/friends/parents/whoever that he's lost the third thing that week that means he can't participate in what he needs too.

Not. The. Damn. Same. As. Looking. For. Your. Car. Keys.

But no-one sees that. They just tick "yes" to these online questionnaires, which are essentially telling them they definitely have ADHD.

And THEN they start spouting about how manageable it is, because they seem to cope with it just fine. You know why you cope fine? Because you haven't bloody got it!!!!

Gaaaaargh.

I'm going to let all these people who have no clear idea what adhd consistants of and leave them to it, the adhd brain can fully focus and excel in something that is of interest! And also hyperfuocs is a real thing.
I always belives I had it from after my daughters diagnosis at 2 and self diagnosised untill this week when I got my diagnosis at 40, to dismiss as just I want excuse to label my laziness is so offensive to me. And I have a severely disabled daughter, I known all about severe disability.

So much rubbish being spouted on here and just furthering the lack of understanding and misunderstanding of adhd. Which seems more of a trend to me!

You're all acting like I've never considered whether I might have ADHD/audhd/autism etc. I have, because a lot of situations haven't always come easy to me and I usually see things quite differently from other people just look at my Mumsnet posting history for evidence, and let's be honest I'm no less susceptible to social contagion than anyone else.

But going down the path of convincing myself I had a disorder was not helpful for me, made me spiral, made me identify with negative/poor behaviours and treat them like personality quirks, made me less caring of how my behaviour affected other people, and worst of all, made me not put in the effort to identify areas in my environment and life structure which could be tweaked to suit my personality better, which is the one thing that actually helped beyond all others!

I think if half the people we know are suddenly being diagnosed with a "disorder", we should examine that instead of lazily assuming it's just because diagnosis is better now. That explanation also explains why there are so many trans people these days...

Not directed at me I know but someone who can get to middle age, sailed through uni, be happily married with a successful career....is not disabled by ADHD.

And yet at least half a dozen women in my circle fit this description. 3 have obtained the diagnosis privately after being dismissed by the NHS. 2 have applied for PIP. Many more in my groups on SM.

They are not impacted. Yet genuinely seem to think they are. They are intelligent enough to have researched and appear desperate to make their 'symptoms' fit and have managed convinced some less than scrupulous private organisations. Money talks.

It's a label they actively pursue. A vindication. An excuse why they can't do something or can't be held accountable for something. One said she couldn't accept she didn't have it as then she would have to accept she was a bit lazy with housework ffs.

As a mum of severely impacted DC I could scream. It absolutely destroys lives. I've had to give up my career. It is not forgetting your car keys and procrastinating a bit with things you can't be arsed with. Real ADHD is bouncing off the walls at 3am and not being able to even get dressed or washed without prompting a million times. It's have a 1:1 under an EHCP as you can't access the curriculum otherwise. It's not being independent as you need someone with you to cross the road as you get so distracted/forgetful you simply walk into traffic.

It's funny how these women experience nothing like this. Their 'ADHD' doesn't stop them organising things they want to do, holidays, family hobbies etc. It doesn't stop their masters or one her PHD. It certainly doesn't stop them doing the complicated PIP forms.

It only ever becomes an issue when it's something they dislike. An cloak they can put on or take off a will. Handy that.

It's like they have been brainwashed. When you point out the disconnect between their ability to do xyz completed unhindered you are accused of ableism . When you ask how they were able to be high achievers throughout their education without help you get told self diagnosis is valid. When you question why it wasn't an issue at all until a couple of years ago and why not in childhood you get no answer.

Real ableism is trying to appropriate a diagnosis from genuine sufferers and the dismissal of their experiences.

I'm not for one minute saying there aren't people who haven't struggled their entire lives or haven't been picked up before now. But there are large numbers of middle aged women who are now pursuing this who simply don't have it. It's happening. And its fucking offensive to those who are severely disabled by it.

A lot of you seem to be missing that those online 'checklists' are just indicators that something MIGHT be going on if you tick a lot of them, they are not diagnostic criteria.

When you go for assessment, the questions/assessment are not a tick box exercise, its a proper, lengthy, in-depth psychological assessment of your life.

I got mine after 6 months of CBT for severe life affecting Anxiety that i've has since i was 17, that i now understand was actually ADHD burnout. My psychologist took the notes from my GP, and my Therapist, and did a lengthy assessment with me, alongside the notes from my Therapy, and my family medical history, and diagnosed ADHD.

My ADHD journey started with a random comment during my CBT that had my therapist pull out the 'checklist' and ask me all the questions, and then she referred me for ADHD assessment, submitting ALL of her notes (with my permission) and videos from our sessions.

When you come on here spouting your bullshit about 'its just modern day' and 'everyone has ADHD' you're devaluing our diagnosis, the medical experts, and our lived experience.

How about you go do some fucking research and stuff your prejudiced, anti-disabled attitudes where the sun doesn't shine, and STFU.

You can struggle with that understanding all you like. Its not our job to understand it for you, just to explain it.

Perhaps look at it like this.

Life is a computer game, everyone around you seems to be sailing through the levels.. sure there is the odd point they struggle with, but with perseverance, they make it through and carry on levelling up.

Here is those of us with ADHD, playing alongside you, but we're finding it stupidly hard, the bonuses are harder to get, we never quite hit the point required for the boosts, and we're watching you play like some whizz kid.

Then someone comes along and looks at our game, and points out while everyone else is in Normal mode.. we're playing the same game in Extra Hard.

The 'happy' to be diagnosed is the relief in knowing its not that we're stupid, or slow, or just 'not getting it' and therefore clearly morally inept/lazy/stupid, we're playing with a handicap.. and it gives us an understanding that we're NEVER going to be playing in normal mode, and we need to stop comparing our game to yours, and just get one with playing the game we have.

But both of these trends create this fantasy class of "normal" people who somehow never struggle with societal expectations or gender roles and just sail through life. It's false.

Isn't it also about how people respond to various situations? If my friend loses something important, she might feel stressed but she won't scream, cry, throw anything or hit her head against the wall like I do? It's hard to feel 'normal' when that's how you respond to everyday stress.

I'm curious if u dismiss all mental health conditions or disabilities as we could all have traits of these so they must not be real, or is it just adhd and autism u seem to dismiss in an instant !

Like I said I would swap in heartbeat to anyone who says adhd isn't real! And don't get me started on autism! My daughter is severely effected by autism, she is still in nappies at nearly 7, so is non verbal and may not be able to independently life . I'd love anyone swap with her autism with anyone!

They are not normal. They are overwhelming and impossible

Middlelanehogger

They’re skilled at asking questions, probing, looking for evidence etc. it’s not a black and white short question list with a short patient opinion as the complete answer.

You really are ignorant about this subject for somebody who seems to think they have a valid opinion. It’s incredibly damaging.

"How often do you have problems remembering appointments or obligations?": yeah I guess you could just let your life go to shit, but many ND people actually OVERcompensate for this trait by having very detailed planners, alarms, calenders so in fact they never have trouble remembering. If they have been using these for a while, they would answer "Never" to this question.

Well I showed my diagnostician my planner and what I have to do if I am to remember anything and I how I interrupt conversations because I can’t keep things in my head…… Still got my diagnosis.

Why would I answer never?

He looked into so much other stuff and really probed each area.

@Loulou599 I agree. And the extent to which they are debilitating depends on how your entire life is structured, really. If you're in a highly rigid job where you get your wages deducted for being 3 minutes late, that's going to cause you a lot more trouble than if you're a software engineer and you can roll in any time from 9 to 10am as long as your code is submitted on time, which it always is because it's aligned with your interests, etc...

Those two people might have the same brains but answer the questions completely differently.

The problem is the tests are all so subjective even when conducted by a psychologist.

I think how a person will answer them, even when they que trying to be honest, will vary wildly depending on lots of factors that have nothing to do with ADHD or depression or whatever, such as self leniency, expectation, how long they've lived with their symptoms, coping mechanisms in place or crutches.

I mean "How often do you have problems remembering appointments or obligations?": yeah I guess you could just let your life go to shit, but many ND people actually OVERcompensate for this trait by having very detailed planners, alarms, calenders so in fact they never have trouble remembering. If they have been using these for a while, they would answer "Never" to this question.

"When you have a task that requires a lot of thought, how often do you avoid or delay getting started?"

So, procrastination. A classic human trait, and in fact isn't actively NOT delaying tasks that are hard more unusual?

"I find it hard to remain focused in group settings" and "I often miss what is being said to me in conversations"

Could be ADHD I guess, could also be social media-enhanced narcissism, see also the rise of polarised debate, echo chambers, etc.

It's like those tests they use to check whether you're depressed. "I find it difficult to take pleasure in activities I used to enjoy" - Maybe you're depressed, or maybe you're just bored with life.

They are checklists

I’m the same as many of us are but the difference is that I will at times for my son it’s all the time

We can all tick off symptoms for mood disorders, OCD, ASD, Narcissistic Personality for some the impact on their lives (and often those close to them)

we can all have ocd symptoms (as an example) at some point and they can be really debilitating so i never dismiss anyone who says I have depression, I’m struggling at this point and I’m a bit ocd as they are saying how they are feeling

we have moved into a time when we want a quick fix and labelling it’s easier for people to put a label on how they are feeling and their behaviour that to explain it also helps people feel ok about why they think or do what they do

You don’t get a diagnosis for “normal” life struggles.

People with ND have “normal” life struggles and a disability on top. Do you discredit all disabilities?