To think that not everyone has ADHD

Namddf I find your question disingenuous but I’ll bite.

Because you don’t have either disability. If you did you wouldn’t need to ask. Most people struggling with a disability would want clarification. Not sure why people with neurodiversity are supposed to spend their lives in ignorance but others with visible disabilities aren’t.🤔If you have spent decades struggling through life not knowing what is wrong or how to help yourself and blaming yourself suddenly knowing it’s not your fault, what is wrong how to help yourself alongside connecting with others experiencing similar is huge.

Going to ignore the slightly rude final comment 😕

But I am genuinely curious how getting a diagnosis allows you to suddenly know this. My child has her own ways of coping because she knows that she probably has ADHD and already understands what she finds difficult and why. How would a diagnosis give her any more knowledge? Does it give you access to courses/ongoing psychiatric care etc?

unbelievable (when I let myself stop and think about it).

Try being a parent to a young teen girl who has been diagnosed via the arduous NHS process with ADHD, ASD and Tourettes and is absolutely struggling. It goes way beyond being hyper, forgetful or wanting a bung from the benefits system. I would do anything for my girl not to have it as it affects every part of our lives. Crippling insomnia, self-harm, anxiety, impulsive and dangerous behaviour, violence and aggression, school refusal, easily influenced, issues with drugs/alcohol, no fear of authority, low self esteem, weight/appetite issues due to vital stimulant medication, refusal to deviate from daily routines or risk a meltdown and I could go on and on...
So announcing to me cheerfully that you've got undiagnosed adult ADHD and you've had an epiphany doesn't cut much ice with me I'm afraid. It just discredits all those who are genuinely in crisis and suffering whilst navigating a tough world and fighting for every bit of help and support to get through each day. It makes me so angry that these armchair diagnoses are bandied about. I feel for anyone struggling with poor mental health and not getting help but please don't self-diagnose based in an internet quiz, it's insulting to those of us at the severe end of the scale of who have gone through the process to hear that it's just our bad parenting.

She is quite severely impacted. I just don’t understand what getting a diagnosis would give us - apart from being able to tell people.

HR Director with ADHD here.

I sincerely hope you aren’t in HR!

I suspect neurodiverse people may tend to spend more time on the Internet. And because neurodiversity has a genetic component, if your relatives are neurodiverse there's an increased chance you are too, even if it's undiagnosed.

@FFSWhatToDoNow congrats on your diagnosis. The relief is immense, isn't it.

It's not the label that helps. It's understanding your patterns of cognitive, communicative and behavioural strengths and difficulties.
Its the level of understanding about how you work and what you can do to cope better that helps. The intellectual level on this website is definitely not what it was 10 years ago.

This is what I fear for my DD and why we have held off getting a diagnosis. I honestly don’t know what would be the best route for her.

@Namddf imagine you've gone through life feeling "less than" everyone else. Like try as you might you can't easily live life the way other people do. You blame yourself, you don't understand why you just can't do the things people find so easy. Then imagine you find out it wasn't your damn fault. Your brain is wired differently and you need to do things in a different way, a way that your brain accepts and can work with.
Imagine thinking you're no longer "less than"
You're just "different than"
Life. Changing.

@Namddf It’s frustrating that these conditions are seen as black and white: official diagnosis or not. There are lots of nuances.
I genuinely think it IS black and white. If your child isn’t impacted enough to make going through the diagnostic process worthwhile then are they disabled by their condition?

Because you realise that it is because of a brain difference that you can’t do things others find easy.

I’ve been diagnosed a month following horrendous burnout. Nobody else is surprised. Signs clearly there as a child but nobody knew what to look for then. 45 years having no idea. The understanding that comes is unbelievably helpful. I don’t have to mask anymore. Or feel permanently exhausted.

I don’t think ADHD is anything like depression and anxiety. These are neurological habits that have been formed over time by a combination of things - people aren’t born with them.

@Gahhhhereheisagain i thought this…”nothing will change, help/medication will take ages after diagnosis anyway, etc” ….until my diagnosis came through and it was like I was grieving. Maybe the life I could have had. Or the life I have had.

Obviously I don’t know how old your daughter is - i was older when I was diagnosed (adhd) so there was a LOT of shit that happened in my life that wouldn’t have had I had that knowledge as a child, or even young adult. Also a lot of damage that came from people reacting to me in a particular way (criticism, told I was stupid, lazy, etc) which clearly impacts self esteem too.

Having a diagnosis is like a double edged sword for me. You feel good as you have a reason for things - the not fitting in, not achieving, weird/toxic life choice, etc.. An explanation for all that - which is a relief. You’re not stupid or lazy - you’re ‘neurodivergent’. But I also at the same time feel even more like the weird one than I already did. Before I had a diagnosis I could be like welll everyone else is just weird and doesnt get me because they’re boring and just blah. When I got that label though, suddenly it’s like oh no…it is me. It is ME who doesn’t see the world quite clearly or the way everyone else does. And it makes me feel very vulnerable. And a bit embarrassed to be honest.

on the other other hand, it’s helped enormously and I can just be a bit sympathetic to myself and I’m slowly figuring out how to handle myself - just accepting that I’m never going to be budgeting well for example and I need to ask for help with that.

i dunno. It’s all just a bit tougher than I thought it would be. Worth getting but tougher.

There will be a disproportionate number of posts from families affected by it. Nobody is going to post 'hey nobody in my family has ADHD and we have no problems'.
The people posting are those experiencing difficulties.

So the percentage of people posting about it will be a much higher percentage than that of ghd population who have it.
Oh, and YABU

Why has it been life changing? I genuinely don’t understand how attaching a label can do this.

I wouldn’t be surprised if it was even higher. So many people struggle with no support/diagnosis. Neurodiversity played a key role in human evolution, they were the problem solvers, the inventors, the ones who didn’t conform to social norms and weren’t afraid to do things differently. It makes sense they make up a sizeable percentage of the population.

As others have said an anonymous online forum is likely to attract a higher than average number of neurodiverse people who will either have neurodiverse children (genetics), or be in difficult relationships (neurodiverse people are often drawn together, or are vulnerable to abusers because of social difficulties). So makes complete sense that a lot of issues discussed on here could well be down to ADHD/autism.

I think there are also a lot of people who probably have ADHD or autism and are aware of it but don’t want to go through the lengthy process of being diagnosed.

I know that several people in my extended family are what we used to call ‘a bit odd’ but have never been diagnosed. I suspect DD has ADHD but it’s not debilitating enough to warrant the label iyswim so we’ve never had her diagnosed. I’m probably what you’d class as neurodivergent myself but again, I don’t see how it would help me to be diagnosed as I’m not bad enough to need medication.

So I think what I’m saying is that sometimes people who are a bit different want a way to explain that, so they ‘self diagnose’. I know there are times when I’d love a diagnosis for DD, if only to explain to people why she’s a bit strange sometimes.

It’s frustrating that these conditions are seen as black and white: official diagnosis or not. There are lots of nuances.

It is actually hilarious that people are trying to claim people say they have ADHD to get benefits.

Try filling in a massive booklet form that’s very very geared up towards people with physical disabilities and try to explain to them how yes you physically can put clothes on but only if there’s any clothes clean …

Yup. Ableism is alive and well on this thread

Are you for real?

I'm really glad you didn't go
For those jobs

Have you tried to apply for support? I cannot tell you how difficulty it is to get benefits for ASD and ADHD.

Acceptance and understanding, although there's clearly a long way to go before we get that. Diagnosed at 40+ after years of exhausting myself trying to be "normal" - the last few years have been life changing for me. I'm happy. I don't see why you wouldn't want that for anyone you love.