Can the court force me to do handovers with abuser ex?

Have you got any friends willing to do handover? I went to court with my ex and due to the history (police involvement for harassment) “stalking” wasn’t a law back then so he was put under harassment instead.. so I was worried and anxious about doing handover incase then he would follow me (did this regularly) and also I was pregnant so didn’t want any abuse off him while carrying my other son.

the courts understood why I didn’t want to do handover, tried to begin with get me to sway my answer but I stood firm because I also had other children to think of and my ex was abusive during the relationship.

they then suggested his family drop off and pick up and my family be there for the handover’s?

you could suggest a family member of his coming to pick up/drop off and a friend of yours being there just to handover.

or like a PP has suggested using a childminder just for the days he picks up/drops off.

did you mention your child is 5? If so, could he pick up on a school day? That way it’s only the dropping off to find someone to allocate for? That’s what I ended up doing.

Same experience as Pasta - dd eventually got old enough to vote with her feet not to see her father anymore. I genuinely don't know if I did the right thing by complying with the court orders and making her available for contact. The contact did cause her some harm. It also gave her the chance to make her own informed decision when she could. I honestly don't even know how to weigh it up.

We did handovers in our local train station. It's busy and there's a very visible presence of the transport police, so it worked okay.

I think you need to show that you have some realistic proposals to make for handover arrangements (one issue with contact centres is it can be very limited opening hours) or a conclusion might be drawn that you're trying to frustrate contact.

Unfortunately yes. I requested in courts to have a third party do handovers on my end as my ex was abusive and that I have ptsd which was made worse by having to see him. Courts were brutal and down right nasty to me and they enabled him to further the abuse. Ex requested to my matter that he didn’t want a third party and only wanted to see me (they should have seen that as a red flag?). So in response, the courts explicitly put in the court order ‘NO THIRD PARTY ALLOWED’. This was among other things that the courts allowed him to do to further the abuse.

So another year of contact centre supervision? That's a long time for him to 'behave'.. Ime try and enjoy your dd in the meantime.. My exh's hatred towards me was his downfall.. Be patient op.. Handover at school would be good. Teachers can give statements to court if necessary... Handy to have one nearby.. Better than a family member who could be seem to just be taking your side.. Teachers are credible in a courtroom.

I completely understand how you feel. We had social services involvement rather than Cafcass but they were of a similar mindset: supervised contact to start with and then I essentially force myself to do the drop off and pick ups one on one with him. There were conditions to this though. We were not allowed to bring anyone else with us (his family are dicks so this was why I requested that). He was to never find out where we lived. Drop offs were in a supermarket car park during a busy time so lots of people around. We didn’t communicate information verbally, it all had to be written down in a notebook that went between houses. He didn’t and still doesn’t have my phone number.

I came up with a lot of these plans with my solicitor as she explained to me that if I refused to agree to things regarding contact I needed to show willing to the judge and find other solutions or find myself up against a brick wall and legally forced to do them anyway. Which was hard to hear. Took a lot of therapy and trying to be more confident- I had to fake it for a while.

Im not saying it was easy- it really wasn’t. It’s easier now because the children don’t see him (nowt to do with me; they’re older and have chosen not to).

Could you look at getting a non-molestation injunction against him for yourself. This will stop him from being able to contact you or be in your presence. If you qualify for that it would force caffcass to think of another arrangement I guess.

Practice Direction 12J provides that the Court should make an order for contact only if it satisfied that the physical and emotional safety of the child and the parent with care is safeguarded, so far as possible, before, during and after contact.

If the Court, having heard all the evidence, were to take a different view to you about your safety then yes it can order you facilitate contact at specified times. The order itself may not name the person who has to do the handover (though it might) but the responsibility will be yours to ensure your child gets to contact. If you fail to adhere to such an order, without reasonable excuse the potential penalties are fines, community service or imprisonment. The Courts have also changed residence of a child in extreme cases of a parent with care not following orders.

This is in answer to your question whether the court can force you. Yes it can. Well it cannot physically force you of course, but it has the power to make orders for which there are serious consequences if you breach them.

None of this is to presume that the court will do any of this. I am merely answering your question about whether it can.

Your solicitor sounds as though they know what they are doing. Be in a position to obtain the best evidence you can that facing your abuser would cause you harm.

What is the contact schedule?
Would him picking her up from school be a way it could be done?

Why on earth are cafcass pushing for handovers (and assumedly non supervised contact) under those circumstances? You'll have to forgive me as I don't know much about it, but is that normal? Surely their interest is primarily the wellbeing of the child?

Who supervises at the moment?

As a PP said - pick and drop from school (or childminder)

I don't know the answer but this fantastic organisation might

https://survivorfamilynetwork.com/

Sounds really rough -I hope they can help

Yes, they can force you. If they decide if it safe for you to hand over in a public place then that’s what the court order will be. And you will have to do it.

Is your daughter safe with him?

Could you have a family member do it for you? That's what was agreed in my similar situation. He doesn't have access to you because he has access to the child.

When is his proposed access time with Dad?

Yes they can force you if they find no real safeguarding concerns. Lots of women end up having to do it when they don't want to. Cafcass are crap.
Suggest school as the drop off/pick up point. It's all you can sensibly do tbh.

I once saw an advertisement for a childcare role where the only real care required was to deliver and collect child from contact with their parent. Could you suggest this at the exs expense?

*cafcass

Why aren't carcass keen?