Can the court force me to do handovers with abuser ex?

Seriously, wtf???!!!

@daffodilandtulip, you were hit and had your shoulder torn during handovers, but were still ordered to continue??!

Did you report to those incidents: to the police, your lawyer, child care service? And they all said: that's ok, he can continue doing that to you because he's your kid's dad??!!

So basically if a stranger did that to you, he would face criminal charges for assault, but since he's your kid's dad, he can beat you up and face no consequences "because reporting him is ABUSIVE TO CHILDREN"??

Honestly, wtf??!!

@daffodilandtulip and @Nat6999 this is sick. I'm so sorry you both had to endure this.
I'm in a similar situation and I just can't get my head around how it's allowed or even thought of as acceptable.

Re school events. Parents evenings etc just ask to ensure appointments are on different days, same with tickets for Xmas concerts.
Class assembly, summer fayre and one off events you might just have to avoid, or sit and the back and leave if he turns up? You may find he doesn't bother....mine certainly can't be bothered to show up for his kid...the novelty soon wears off!

Cafcass class weekend contact as fri-mon, usually every other week. It's a normal pattern and using school is very normal too because of the situation you (and lots of women) are in with handovers.
Courts like it as it makes it easy on the child, and they are first and foremost if course.

Using a Saturday hobby is also a good idea - you drop, he collects, but it gives no return point usually and can get complicated.

I had to do handovers to exh who had raped me, Caffcass & courts didn't care.

Yes they can. I was hit and had my shoulder torn during handovers but I was still ordered to continue (because reporting said incidents about the children's father, is abusive to the children ).

Could you drop them at a Saturday hobby or activity, he collects and takes for lunch then drops back at the hobby venue and you collect? I'm thinking somewhere like a dance school or gymnastics centre where there would be someone on the reception desk.

This sounds like a good idea

If you propose that he (for example) collects from school Monday night and returns to school Tuesday morning, or Friday return Monday or whatever, then it kills 2 birds with 1 stone.
1.It gives a handover place.

1. It gives him contact with school...but only on his days when you are not there.

Once it's in a court order the school can say leave even if he has PR

Thank you. That ties in with what I’ve googled although it is scary and stressful. Realistically what is the alternative? Who would you physically make them do anything they didn’t want to?

Sorry to derail OP. The idea of seeing my ex or forcing the children to see him is horrendous. I sympathise.

My children are 16 and 11. Their decision about their father happened separately and gradually rather than a sudden realisation and he hasn’t taken me back to court (yet). It does worry me that he might but from what I understand he can’t force them to see him. Certainly not the eldest child.

@DongsOfPraise hi, do you mind me asking what age your children are? I’m going through a separation with children (11/14) refusing to see their abusive Dad.

He’s threatened police/court today and I’m curious to know what age the children will be listened to.

I don't blame you. It's horrific what women have to go through to these abusers can continue to exert their control.
Let's face it, if they even cared about their kids this situation wouldn't even arise.
It's vile

Sending you lots of strength, I never had to go through family court with my violent ex as he couldn't be bothered to see his children and doesn't care even now. I had a criminal court case against him 6 years ago, as he stalked me and threatened to chuck acid on me. I've had an injunction which ended and few years ago, he don't have my number - we have no contact. His mother comes and collects the kids every other Saturday and drops them home, they are not allowed to stay over at all. Thank goodness, my kids are 12 & 9 and my eldest hates his dad - they both never want to go.

I know you said family and friends said they don't wanna get involved but maybe explain your mental health is declining or I'm not sure if women's aid could offer a support worker to help? As I explained I don't have much experience or knowledge but sending lots of strength to you!

I feel so bad for you. No one understands how bad it is facing someone like this.
I don't have an answer but sending a handhold

It is good, on the surface. I think that is largely due to exs GF doing a lot of the parenting. DS talks about her more than he talks about his dad. Occasionally things come out, things ex has said, nothing really bad yet but just enough to get my back up because I know the undertones. So then I either bite my tongue or say something to try to gently encourage critical thinking. I can't see him deciding not to see his dad any time soon.

Ex had significant findings against him in court, abuse of both me and DS, but it made no difference. The judge mentioned he was mindful of practice direction 12J in his decisions but I didn't see any evidence of that. Cafcass were truly awful about me despite the judge's findings, letters from Women's Aid etc. It made no sense.

Ex was awarded significant unsupervised contact. It was really hard at the beginning but you get used to it. Apart from during school holidays all of our handovers are at school. So when it is exh weekend I drop at school on Friday, he picks up Friday and drops back Monday. I pick up on Monday. I used to hate holiday handovers at my house. I always had my phone on record in case ex did or said something. Also hid behind the door (in case he tried to throw acid on me - that was a real fear of mine for some time). Now DS is old enough to go to the door himself so I don't have to see him.

Good luck.

We had this, I ended up doing handovers. I tried to say no to my address and phone number and the court gave them to him. This was with proven abuse to us both in family court. Cafcass loved my ex, said he was very sorry for his actions. They wouldn't even allow me to take anyone with me for backup as that was seen as intimidating Ex, but he was allowed to bring someone of course 🙄

DD absolutely loves contact. I don't see her wising up to him anytime soon. I don't want her to hate him but adoring him wears thin a little bit. Especially when he does none of the grunt work. He doesn't even pick her up from school, thats my job to he stopped that after the 2nd lot of school closures. Everytime I mention it he says he'll take me back to court to make it my job, so i just go with it. But DD loves him, so I put up for her sake. She says he's the best dad ever probably because it's me nagging her to brush her teeth and pack her schoolbag while all weekend he eats pizza and plays video games with her.

It's hard. It does get easier. DDs reaching an age now where she can walk to and from his alone soon, not yet but it's nearly over having to see him.