Partner relieving themselves

Lol! How did you find this thread from SEPTEMBER last year?

Unless you are offering to perform fellatio or masturbate him yourself, then I feel it is none of you business whether or not he masturbates. You should be glad that he is masturbating instead of looking for sex "elsewhere" when you are on your period.

So is it more jealousy/insecurity about the images he's using? This makes sense.

How do you know what images he uses? I thought most people now would look on their phone so you wouldn't know. If my partner has seen sexy imaged on his phone I don't know. However if he's leaving pictures lying around that's the problem, that's insensitive and you need to ask him not to do that.

You can also view it another way. That he finds you attractive. He's with you and fancies you. But to get turned on and have a quick wank it's normal to need to see something different, not better, different. And there images, he doesn't know or fancy they actual person.

Poor bloke, it’s not his fault your ex cheated on you. I don’t know why you think him watching porn would make him cheat on you as well. It’s doesn’t work like that.

Also why would it make you a failure if he wanks instead of you giving him a handjob? I have a decent sex life but sometimes I prefer a bit of “alone time” every now and then.

He’s probably doing it in the shower without you knowing anyway

Your own insecurities are making you if not abusive, certainly controlling.

You either need to end the relationship because it doesn’t work for you, or tackle your issues.

He’s entitled to masturbate, it is not wrong.

He’s entitled to watch pornography, it is not illegal.

You are entitled to have these as dealbreakers, but it’s up to you to end the relationship, not demand he change.

You can't punish your current partner for the behaviour of a previous partner.

And it does seem to be that thats what you're doing.

You have some issues to sort out that are yours, not his - until you do that, you're going to keep having problems like this.

I wondered too.

Weird euphuisms at that!

@SackOfShitandRegrets gray deodorant?

expecting your partner not to masturbate is weird, and controlling. The fact you feel 'too self conscious' to masturbate yourself is also weird, and not normal, sorry.

Get some therapy.

OP you cannot tell him what to do with his body, just like he can’t with you as that is abusive.

You can say that you disagree with porn and if he watches it then you’ll end the relationship.

That’s ok to have your boundaries but it’s also ok for him to believe that your boundaries are unreasonable and to end the relationship.

The issue here is he is telling you he’s not watching it and you still don’t believe him.

Were you upfront about your boundaries of porn when you first started dating or have you recently changed your mind?

Your neediness and insecurities are going to be what drives him away.

I think you need to see masturbation as what it is, just a natural thing that most people do and it has nothing to do with how much they like or dislike their partner.

Have you got help with your insecurities?
I think some sort of therapy may help you.
It would probably help if you were single for a while.

You need to separate wanking from cheating two completely different things.

Do you think there is an imbalance in how often you would each like to have sex? Do you think he would like to have sex more often? Are you happy with the frequency? Do you actually enjoy what you do? I'm asking because I wonder if there is more to this than him having a wank once a month, which wouldn't upset me TBH.

In previous relationships how did it work with your partner wanting to wank?

How do you know he watches porn?

No, you're incredibly wrong.

If that was the case, no man could be abused by a female partner, no parent could be abused by their teenage child, no teacher could be abused by a pupil, no NHS worker could be abused by a patient, no Police officer could be abused by a member of the public, no prison officer could be abused by a prisoner, no employer could be abused by a member of staff...and on and on.

You should look up the domestic violence rates of teens on parents as just one example. Which is classified and documented as domestic violence and abuse.

And the rates of dv and abuse between same sex couples including lesbians where there is no power differential.

How much porn is your partner watching on a monthly basis? If it is occasional, then I don't understand the problem. If he is masturbating to a few videos, surely he is allowed to engage in it? Just like you don't like porn and no one is forcing you to watch it, similarly, if he is enjoying it, then how can you force him not to? At least he is being honest about it. You definitely need to discuss healthy boundaries with him. What about when you are not on your period and don't want sex? Is he allowed to masturbate then or are there rules around that too?
I am sorry you have self- esteem issues. Perhaps therapy can help with that.

What exactly is it about him masturbating that you object to? Do you think for some reason that it is just 'wrong'? I note that you don't masturbate, is it a religious/moral thing that you find it 'wrong'?

Even if he doesn't watch porn though most people can have thoughts when they are masturbating. We can't control what our partner thinks about.

I know you said you have been cheated on before but this partner hasn't (I believe).

I don't ask my DH if he's masturbated. So does your partner tell you if he's off for a wank?

OP

Are you most upset about the porn? Maybe you are imagining women with flawless bodies and feel you are not enough?

I have huge insecurities about my body shape (not size although I do need to lose weight) so I understand feeling not good enough.

I watch porn (am not in a relationship) and not everyone in porn has a perfect body.

I would say release is having a wee btw

Meaning he is sort of been respectful leaving you alone try to see it that way.

Yeah no this is really weird and controlling.

I guess its better than a sex pest op