Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

I had two IVF pregnancies that ended in miscarriage at 41, then conceived naturally and had DS at 43. No problems, healthy baby (he's 9 now). I think when people talk about how hard it is to have a baby in your forties they're often coming from the perspective of already having other children too and I can see that would be exhausting. But if you have your first and only in your 40s that's a bit different and not so tiring.

Maybe consider a donor egg as well? I discounted that when I was trying for a baby as I wanted a baby who was genetically mine, but now I think that would have been a mistake - motherhood is wonderful and it's worth going all out for it if that's how you feel. Good luck!

YANBU

You feel how you feel.

Its not for me but I come from that, as do most on this thread, from the priviledged position of already being a mother. At 43 you may face a bit of a struggle to conceive and yes there is an increased risk of miscarriage and other issues. But thats not to say that it wont happen.

What you do need to consider is whether you would be ok with dealing with the possibility of a bad outcome. A miscarriage is hard, no question. I am in double figures on those. But as the mother of a (now adult) son with a life long disability, I would say that that is harder. Are you prepared to hand over the rest of your life to caring? Thats the reality of it, and one that precious few people consider. They all think of the newborn, the sweet toddler, the fun tweener (FYI....they aint fun!) etc.

Sadly, age does increase the risk of a bad outcome, so I think that you need to be realistic. Is it actually being a mother that you want.....the next 20 years of your life based around someone elses needs with the loss of freedom, choices and money that that will inevitably enforce. Or are you thinking of holding a tiny baby and not really thinking about what comes with it?

Also, if you partner isnt bothered either way, then go into this on the basis that you will be a single parent. Having a baby is fucking hard when both parents are 100% behind it, when one isnt behind it then either you end up alone or you end up doing all the work becuase "you wanted the kid, you look after it". Dont say he wont, he will.

I had one at 44. She’s sitting next to me now. Do I wish I was younger? Yes! But that’s how it is sometimes. If you’d like to try then get cracking on with it

I had my 3rd DC at 41. First at 26/27. Got pregnant straight away each time and pregnancy was the same as pregnancies in my twenties.
However, I found that raising another child when you have 2 young children already is incredibly hard. I’m not sure it was because I’m an older mum, physically I don’t think I’ve slowed down that much, but felt knackered as my other 2 are very demanding too.

Child very possibly an orphan - or a carer - for a pensioner when they should be enjoying life at college and uni, and travelling and partying with friends.

Seriously? How many 60 year olds need a carer? Answer: not many! My 18 year old is off to Uni, has a very active social life and plans to travel. If I do need a carer one day - it won't be her!

And statistically she won't be an orphan anytime soon <checks pulse>

@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer Posts like yours really piss me off, zero empathy or understanding that not everyone’s life may have gone the way yours has.
You talk about years of no freedom, the op is 43, she’s had years and years of freedom when she was young, years you didn’t have (your choice)
It took me 9 years and numerous losses and treatments and hellish times to finally conceive. I had my Dd at 40 and am happy to have years ahead with less freedom, because I had an amazing first 40 years. Try getting some empathy. The worst thing h could think of was being tied down with a baby in my mid 20’s! That’s the thing you see, we’re all different and are lives all take different paths.
Good luck op with whatever you decide

You dont seem convinced it's something you actually want though op. The way you've worded it seems very casual it's never something to do lightly let alone at your age which could lead to lots of disappointment.
At 42 it's the last thing i would want but I do have kids so not sure if would feel differently

Had donor egg twins at 44, due to early menopause. Best thing we ever did! They're 15 now and I can't imagine life without them. Pregnancy was easy, so were the early years, no problems running around after a couple of toddlers.

Of course conceiving naturally may be harder, and there are potential risks - but I would definitely say go for it! Good luck!

Absolutely go for it, I had an unplanned but much wanted baby at 42 no issues whatsoever. Good luck

I am 50 and there is no way I'd want to be the mother of a 7 yr old now. I am mid menopause and have very few 'caring' hormones left. I like being able to go out and do things on my own and with friends whose children have also left home. I like being able to enjoy sex without worrying about contraception.

The only good thing I can say about it is that I'd rather have had a baby at 43 than had no children at all.

I conceived my second child aged 42, I was 43 when she was born. No ivf. Took us about 9 months to conceive (first child took 2 months ttc when I was 37).

The chance of success is much lower (although better with ivf and maybe even donor eggs), but if you do want a child then go for it. Either is works, or if it doesn't then at least you tried and don't spend the next 40 years thinking "what if".

So it actually boils down to: would you like to have a child?

Go for it , if you are stable financially and emotionally then go for it .

Higher risks with both older mum and older dad.

My first (and only biological) child was born when I was 43.

I had previously had multiple miscarriages and failed IVF attempts.

A spontaneous pregnancy was a wonderful surprise to me and a huge surprise to my doctor!

It all seems a bit..random? To have never tried to conceive and then want to for the first time at 43. And you're over invested in what your mother might think of it all.

My friend and I have similar age gaps between dc. She was 41 (almost 42) when she had her first and 47 with her second. No complications or problems with the dc.

I’m with @PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer

You’re busy might allow you to carry a child but what about when they get older? Realistically if you start now you will be closer to 45 if you are able to have a child, what then?

Are you prepared to bring a child into the word who is destined to lose their parents at a relatively young age?

My mum had my sister at 43 (10yr age gap between us) and I think she found the baby and toddler years a struggle to keep up physically with the demands of a very young child, but she got to enjoy the teenage years a lot more because she was nearing retirement, the mortgage was paid, and she herself was older, wiser, and calmer. I think she really felt involved with my sister's teen years and now her early twenties. It's quite lovely to see it. If you want a child and you have the time and resources to make that a positive choice for yourself, go for it and very best of luck to you OP xxx

I’m 42 and a half and just had another child (first one at 39). My osteopath had her daughter at 46!! And I also know couple of people who had kids at 44. However I don’t know if they conceived naturally or via IVF.
i won’t lie, it is harder to get pregnant (whether naturally or via IVF, your odds at IVF may not be much higher than with natural conception) and pregnancy itself is harder, but certainly not impossible.
so why not.
you need to be prepared though that you may be disappointed but that’s life. Having a baby at this age is no longer impossible/totally unusual.

if you go for it, I recommend reading a book “It starts with an egg”, checking out fertility nutritionists and fertility acupuncture.

I wanted one at 41, but the increased risks to the baby really put me off so I haven't. I already have 2 children though so it wasn't worth the risk to me

Personally, I would rather stick pins in my eyes and drink bleach than have a baby in my mid 40s and can't think of anything worse. Have had my kids in my mid 20s who have now grown up and left, and would never have had another in my mid 40s...

Wow.... lack of empathy award

It's not for me either, I had mine in my twenties too. And now I'm a grandmother, I love being able to hand my granddaughter back after babysitting. But, if the OP doesn't have any children I can understand why she would want one in her forties.

After having infertility in my early 30s I gave up trying after an ivf miscarriage.

Decided to try again naturally as I was almost 39, I lived a healthier lifestyle and had given up alcohol several years before. Found out I was pregnant on my 39th birthday 2nd month trying. Then at 41 first try. I'll be almost 42 when she's born.

I have several friends who are the same age who are still having babies or have young toddlers. All natural. I think instead of infertility falling off a cliff at 35 its very individual and someone might be very fertile into their 40s whereas another might struggle in their late 30s.

My cousin had her 2nd baby age 44, first at 40 and my friends mum had her 3rd and 4th age 43 and 45. There is no harm in trying. I think at 43 your chances of trying naturally would be similar to that of IVF treatment anyway. Good luck!