Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

I won’t lie and sometimes say i do wonder if a much older person is a young child’s grandparent rather than parent but that’s me really and I’m only giving it a very passing thought, I don’t care either way.

Age isn’t a number it’s an attitude! If you have a young outlook you can do anything. I’m 57 and fitter than I’ve ever been, had my kids at 37 and 40. SIL and a friend fell pregnant naturally at 41 and do not regret it for one second. In your shoes OP I’d start trying and let fate decide.

It’s quite common for women to have had babies naturally in their 40s over the years. Our medical fertility records are apparently based on 1700/1800 records according to Jean Twenge who’s an expert in the field.

They'll be asking Is that your grandma collecting him from school....

They really won't.

It is not 'wasting the best years of your life' having a child at say 19, to 21, any more than someone having a child in their mid 40s, (and their life not being their own til they draw their pension) is 'wasting years......'

The young mums have their whole life ahead of them before they even leave their mid 30s!!! Who says your younger years are the best years of your life anyway? I am 50-ish and having the best fucking time of my life at this stage of my life!!!

I know people who’ve got pregnant naturally and via IVF at 43 and above.

In your case I’d be prepared to throw a bit of money at it and maybe go abroad for treatment, a friend told me her colleague had success in Greece.

The risk of babies having conditions increases with age though and ivf if you do that is very gruelling.

I have been researching my ancestors and quite a few of the ladies were popping out healthy babies in their 40s and living on into their eighties or beyond in the 1700s and 1800s.
I'd say go for it or you'll regret what "might have been". At any age, there's never the perfect time to have a baby.

I disliked having an older mum. So it made me want kids as young as possible. I’ve been caring for my mum now past few years whilst managing children and work. None of my friends in same boat. Their parents help them, not other way round. But if I’d waited til her age to have them, my kids would never have known their grandparents. And I didn’t want that. I never really knew mine.

I am sorry but I find this so strange. You want a child but you have never looked into whether it would be possible once your relationship with your ex ended?

If you want a child why haven't you tried to have one before?

Yea, really helpful.

Life is not a fairy tale.....

No not at all, if I could I would.

My friend slightly younger than me, has an older mum than mine, still going strong. Only has Mum, no Dad.
I remember as a young teen, the 45-year neighbour who thought they were going through the change, only blessed with nature.
Why do they not do hysterectomies in most cases until a lady is 46 with gynae problems.

Plenty of time, I don't think you are wrong if you can x

I don't recommend it.

They'll be asking Is that your grandma collecting him from school....

Who cares what anyone thinks or says.

You'll need a "thick coat" and a fuck off attitude.

Oh, and lots of money. Kids don't come cheap.

You do know that the world existed before you did, right?

How fucking insulting.

(and my IVF started at 39)

If you want a child why haven't you tried to have one before?

Something like 85 per cent of your eggs at your age will turn into dud embryos if they even fertilise. It's a shit numbers game. I've had 14 eggs pulled from me via IVF. Four made it to embryos. Three didn't work and the fourth got tested and was rubbish. Likely all crap.

Those questions are the same whatever age the mother is

My Sil had a son at 43 she then had a daughter at 44 ! Both very healthy .

If you did have a baby, would help with child care be available to you?

Do you live somewhere suitable for a small child?

Would you be able to continue with your job or perhaps go part-time?

Are you prepared to bring a child into the word who is destined to lose their parents at a relatively young age?

How young are you talking here?

Nope, but they are thinking it.

My DW’s mum was 43 and 45 when she had her two (my DW being the younger of the two). I am in awe of her managing to do it. I am younger than that still, and have two DCs 9&11. The thought of being a few years older and then having a baby fills me with dread. Not to mention them still being dependent on me well into my 60s.

But she managed, gave them a wonderful childhood, still manages to enjoy the grandchildren she has into her 80s. Nobody suffered, everyone was happy, but it was tougher for her than if she’d had them 15 years earlier. If you have the resolve to do it, feel like you need to, and go into it eyes wide open to the fact that you’ll be an ‘old mum’ forever (not that there’s anything wrong with that) then go for it.

@Wolfpa

I’m with @PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer

Thank you.

You’re body might allow you to carry a child but what about when they get older? Realistically if you start now you will be closer to 45 if you are able to have a child, what then?

Are you prepared to bring a child into the word who is destined to lose their parents at a relatively young age?

Exactly. People always come up with anecdata about their great auntie Ruth, who lived to 99 and ran a marathon every day and walked 15 miles to work and cycled a 94 mile round trip to the beach every weekend.... And their grandparents and great, great grandparents who lived to 109 and worked for 90 years, and their great aunt Lulu, who is 91 and is out drinking and playing bingo 4 nights a week and still works full time, and has got the health and stamina of a lass four times younger ...

But the reality is that most peoples health will start to decline by their mid 50s - and many will get to the point where they are getting quite a lot of medical issues, having procedures, going to clinics, having hospital visits, taking multiple meds and drugs, and then their young offspring, will possibly have to care for them by the time they (the parents) reach 70 to 75.

At this point the 'child' is only going to be in their early to mid 20s. Do you really want to put a young person through that - practically having to look after an elderly and infirm person - at the point where they should be really enjoying life/travelling/going to uni/doing a masters/forging a career/enjoying nights out and meals and weekends away with friends/concerts and shows etc? How can they do this when they have elderly infirm parents to care for?

Can you say why you never tried to conceive before?

This is never said to a woman who already has children who has a surprise pregnancy in her 40s.

No one says “why are you bringing a child into the world who might lose their parents at a relatively young age?” then, do they.