Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

After having two miscarriages in my early forties I went on to have my DD three months before my 45th birthday. She’s 21 now

There are pros and cons of having a child in your forties. It hasn’t been a bed of roses as her father died a month before her 4th birthday leaving me to be a single mother. i’d say go ahead if your partner is on board with it.
I don’t regret having a baby in my forties. I loved being pregnant most of the time, apart from the angst and fear of having another miscarriage.

My DD is great company now but it hasn’t always been an easy journey as she suffers from mh issues.
I hope everything works out well for you and you manage to conceive naturally as I did. 🩷

Agreed.

I live in a yummy mummy part of South London and it’s rare to find a parent of a toddler who isn’t in their 40s.

No one would bat an eyelid at a 45 year-old pushing a pram. It just wouldn’t register around here.

If you would like children, go for it.

I had my second at 45, no interventions. But I come from a line of women who are very late to menopause (60s) so still fertile a bit older than most. Dont drink or smoke but am fat so hardly a perfect candidate.

So it's def possible!

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

Please could some posters stop with the assuming why some women didn’t try for a baby sooner or want children? It’s very personal for some and not just cut and dried.

And yes to those mums who have kids, I’m sure it’s the best thing ever having kids but don’t believe for one moment that us childless women are sobbing into our pillows because we’ve not had kids, every night.

I haven’t seen anyone question op on why she didn’t have kids sooner? Or suggest that people who don’t have kids are miserable? 😵‍💫

@PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer - you seem so bitter. What's up?

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

I won’t lie and sometimes say i do wonder if a much older person with a young child is their grandparent rather than parent but that’s just me really.

Yep. If most people are honest, they will say the same. They really will @BeaBachinasec

C-Section and Back Pain

Hi. I recently had my second child who had to be delivered by emergency section. My first baby was born naturally.

My baby is now 5 months but I am struggling with severe lower back pain and a general feeling of weakness around my core.

i wondered if anybody had experienced back pain following a c section? X

To have a first baby at 40 or older, is definitely not the average age!

Average age of a woman (in the UK) for her having her first born - is 30.9 years old. (Despite what some on mumsnet would have people believe!)

Birth characteristics in England and Wales - Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)

People always talk about birth defects and infertility risks rising with age. There's also increased risks to the mother's health after 35. Emergency c sections, haemorrhage, severe tears, strokes, all become considerably more likely.

If you really want a child that may not put you off, but having had 2 children past 35 I'd advise people to do it younger if at all possible!

My friend had hers at 43 and 45. She is now 87 and has a 3 year old grandson who is the light of her life .

Please could some posters stop with the assuming why some women didn’t try for a baby sooner or want children? It’s very personal for some and not just cut and dried.

And yes to those mums who have kids, I’m sure it’s the best thing ever having kids but don’t believe for one moment that us childless women are sobbing into our pillows because we’ve not had kids, every night.

I had my one and only child through IVF at the age of 45 and it worked on the 1st attempt, just one egg and one grade 1 embryo. My advice would be to anyone seeking IVF is to go to the very best clinic. Statistically, the cohort is much smaller for the over 40 group and that does have a bearing on the overall success rate.

I think there’s no harm in trying if you want to! Just be prepared for it to not happen. My step mum has my half sister when she was 45. Naturally.

Unrelated but I am 31 and have three children, born when I was 26, 27 & 29. I don’t know why but I am absolutely convinced I will have a ‘oops’ baby in my 40s. Either I am all knowing or nuts 🤣

But that poster is correct @ClairDeLaLune

I’m quite surprised by the replies here, I had Dd at 30 but in her class I am the youngest mum but quite some margin. All of her friends (my ‘mum’ friends) were 40 or over when they had the kids. I thought it as much more common now?

They'll be asking Is that your grandma collecting him from school....

Oh piss off with your ageist, small-minded shit.

I had mine at 42 and did conceive naturally, but it took a couple of years and I threw everything at it…
Highly recommend the book “It Starts With The Egg”.
l lost weight/got fitter, we both took supplements, had Chinese acupuncture to stabilise my errant cycle, fertility massage etc…! Used Ovusense to track cycles.
Even then, we did start seeing a Clinic who recommended that before beginning IVF they could just track my cycles (as we’d previously conceived so they knew we were fertile), and that first cycle we were successful.
At your age, I would go straight to a clinic probably as just the fertility tests take several months.
Good luck!

A friend of mine did conceive naturally as a surprise at the age of 44 too so it can happen! (And that was after 2 failed IVF rounds, she said she then ‘gave up’ and relaxed)

Mumsnet really does have a ludicrously disproportionate amount of women who have their first baby in their mid 40s or older! In real life, I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of women I have EVER known who had their FIRST baby past 44 years old. And I know women across all classes, races, and religions, in all kinds of different jobs - from 'unskilled' jobs, to lower and middle management, right up to top professional jobs...

Most very highly educated professionals will have their first baby between 28 to 34-ish. (Despite the laughable anecdata on here that all the 'highly educated professionals' don't start having babies till they're 46!)

You only regret the things you didn't try...if you want a baby try,be that naturally or ivf. My mammy had My brother when she was 43

If you want a child why haven't you tried to have one before?

How naive do you have to be to ask this question? I have never seen so little empathy with other women than this thread.

Who the hell do you think you are? This is unspeakably rude. Do better.

Oh and apologies for the DM li k but have a read about this lady: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2092968/My-gorgeous-little-accident-Debbie-amazed-doctors--mention-grandchildren--getting-pregnant-naturally-53-Pill-Here-shares-joy--exhaustion.html

I had a baby at 44, conceived without intervention. The risks of miscarriage and genetic issues are obviously higher, and I was worried. However a midwife was very reassuring, as I had no medical conditions prior to pregnancy. I had an NIPT test at 10 weeks to look for some of the more frequent (although still fairly rare) serious genetic defects - but it can't rule out everything. I now have a healthy and wonderful 2 yo , but I do still worry about age and how it will be for my little one as they grow up. My partner is a good few years younger so that helps. It is exhausting and overwhelming at times, but I feel very lucky. I was childless for many years, because of the wrong relationships. Then I came to terms it would never happen and was happily childfree, and think I still would be if it hadn't happen.

All the best with whatever you and your partner decide.

@fourelementary 😱