Unreasonable to want a baby at 43?

As for the article it doesn’t say whether they’ve adjusted for background factors. People who have their children much later tend to be more educated and health conscious than women who have children in their early 20s because of societal reasons. There may also be a link between fertility and health - a woman who can conceive naturally in her 40s and have a healthy pregnancy is likely in good shape and some way off menopause.

But it isn’t one or the other is it? It isn’t young and inexperienced or too old with experience. There’s a large middle ground which is the optimal period. And if you don’t have financial stability in your early 30s it’s unlikely to materialise 10 years later, most people are in their chosen profession by then and have been working a decade.

I think if you already have a few kids it’s better, but I know a lot of older parents with only children and I find it quite worrisome tbh.

@MaryMaryVeryContrary is it optimal to have very young parents without the life experiences and financial stability we have? No but no situation is optimal. Would that baby prefer they weren’t born? Or would they be happy to exist and be in a loving happy supportive family. What an odd question. It is not too old. My Dad is almost 80 and has a 25 year old daughter and he still does 10,000 steps a day and is still working and looks the same as when he was 60. Having children in your 40s makes you 4 x likely to live to 100. Did you not read the article I posted before throwing out your judgement?

I've never heard of this but it sounds good.

However, I replying to the original poster not you. Didn't actually read your post to be honest.

@ThatFastDenimPoster but what about the baby? Is it optimal to have parents who are in their 60s when they are a teenager? Sorry but it’s too old.

@40andlovelife as I just said I will be taking the harmony test which is the most accurate blood test at 10 weeks that’s can rule out the most common chromosomal issues including Downs. So no, i’m not worried about to.

Aren't you worried about the risk of the baby having issues? I'm 42 and wouldn't have considered a baby after the age of 40 due to increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities

Im a bit late to this thread but I’m here because I am 42 and currently pregnant with my second which was conceived naturally extremely easily, the baby will be born when i’m 43.5. But I wanted to draw attention to this article about the research showing that having children in your 40s makes you four times likely to live to 100! Plus there are tests like the harmony test to rule out a lot of the potential issues with the child. So the risks of dying young and having a child with disabilities are pretty low. The rest such as tiredness etc is all personal choice on how well you feel you can cope with it. So please ignore the judgemental scare mongers. I hope you made the right choice for you and had success with whichever decision you made. https://www.parents.com/news/giving-birth-later-in-life-could-mean-you-live-longer-according-to-a-new-study/

I had my first aged 43 naturally with an unremarkable pregnancy. I would do it again.

My mum was a very young mother. I was born when she was still 19. She passed away from cancer when she was 62, nearly 63. She was heartbroken because she thought she would see her grandchildren grow to adulthood. They were 9, 7 and 3 when she died.

Time isn't promised to everyone. If you want to have a baby, and there are people in your life to be there for them if something awful happens, then go for it. Terrible things happen to parents all the time, sadly.

Good luck OP. I have teenagers and am 42 but with a partner who doesn’t have children. The time has never been right to consider another, and I had said once I hit 40 it was off the table, but have recently been rethinking that and considering trying and thinking about the risks/challenges etc so will be keeping everything crossed for you

DH has already said that the DC will be changing his adult nappies when all the DC are older and DH is ill with dementia, if it comes to pass 🤣

I had my one and only at 46

Things have been challenging at times but I don’t know if any more so than if I’d been younger. I’m in my 60s now and yes, I am starting to feel physically tired but he’s at an age now where he can help with stuff (moved the washing machine for example ) so that’s a bonus 😀

Have I ever regretted having him - no.

But you do need to really want a child and from your posts I don’t feel like you really do OP. You have a long term partner and yet you have been discussing ttc for a year now. You don’t have time on your side and if you really wanted this I think you would have gone for it by now

My mother had me at 42. No assistance.
Good luck OP x

My friend was married at 41 and had her one and only baby a week before turning 45. Healthy happy baby and mum, she exercised until 3 days before birth and was back in the pool 10 days later.

I know another girl who can't conceive at 24. Very unhealthy lifestyle though.

You can lose your parents at any age. My friend lost her dad at 55 to cancer, but my gran had just died aged nearly 92.

Go for it OP, if it happens great, if it doesn't at least you tried and could explore other options.

Got to think about it in the future....do you really want a teenager when you are in your 60s?

I'm sure you will get people saying 'But I was fine!' but most people would find that very challenging. Post 40 is not a great idea. Having kids isn't an automatic right.

It’s not fair or ideal to bring a child into the world knowing that you could be subjecting them to be your carer at a time when they should be enjoying themselves and building their own lives

I honestly don't get this obsession a section of MN has with young people becoming carers to parents. The vast majority of people who need care are late 70s or 80+ So if you have a child at 43, they'll be mid to late 30s themselves by the time their parents are old.

Plenty of time for uni and travelling (if that's what they want), getting themselves set up in work and their own family. And the parents themselves have plenty of time to put a support system in place.

I agree, it's silly to say age is just a number. But let's not be equally silly and suggest that children born to women aged 40+ will inevitably face onerous responsibilities and early bereavement.

Life is one big risk after another.

I had a friend who was treated for breast cancer aged 36. She had a 2 year old at the time. My mum had breast cancer aged 65. They both survived it. But obviously not everyone does. You really don't know what the future may hold. And while I agree you need to think more carefully about having children later in life, I don't think dying young should be the main concern. Especially as the vast majority of women won't be able to conceive (naturally) past 45 even with IVF. And the vast majority of women in this country live past 65 so their children (while young) will be legal adults at least. And yes I still get that losing parents in your 20s is horrible it's still different to losing them as young children. I lost my dad when I was 25. My friend lost her mum when she was 10. I think her loss was much worse. (Her mum was only 39 by the way so despite having her children young she still left them motherless at a young age).

Also I wouldn’t try naturally for 18 months, I’d try for 6 months max. You need to collect your eggs as soon as possible for a better chance of them being euploid (genetically normal)

You need to go for this OP. Yes it might not work but if you set yourself a limit like 1 round or 3 rounds. Then you can say you did everything you could to try. You will have no regrets in ten years.

We conceived our second with IVF. We set a limit of four cycles. We conceived on our second cycle. I was glad we were doing our best to conceive even when the first cycle failed. It felt like a success in the sense we had tried something….

43 is a harder age to conceive. BUT you don’t have known fertility issues. Good luck whatever you decide.

Yes, that is true.

However, let’s not pretend that 35 year olds are dying all the time. They’re not. Not even close to the rate of much older people.

OP- you can try but I’d be realistic about the chances and manage your expectations going into it. If you’re to do it, I’d get on with it now. No time to waste.

its not impossible to have a child at 43. It’s just not as common as people on MN would have you believe. On MN, mid forties women are pushing out babies left, right and centre. In reality, this isn’t the case.

The risks of health complications go up as well for the baby and for the mother. That’s something that needs to be considered.

I also sit in the camp of “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” A lot of posters cry ageism when people raise concerns about people having babies late- but the people raising the concerns are right.

It’s not fair or ideal to bring a child into the world knowing that you could be subjecting them to be your carer at a time when they should be enjoying themselves and building their own lives.

The blasé attitude about it from some makes me think that having a child isn’t about providing a great family for this child but instead about fulfilling some deep desire of the parents- regardless of the consequences on the child.

The phrase “age is just a number,” drives me mental. It’s not just a number. It’s a biological reality and it carries with it a heap of consequences if you ignore it. Age is just a number where certain hobbies are concerned but babies and parenthood? No.

im not saying don’t do it. I’m just saying you need to think long and hard about the consequences. IVF can take a long time to be successful so you could be looking at 45/46 before you’ve even had a baby.

You’ll be fed all this “go for it!” by posters on here and anyone who raises legitimate concerns is shouted down and labelled bitter but you do need to think on those legitimate concerns.

The reason people ask why you haven’t tried before now is because it makes it seem like it was potentially never a priority for you before now. It’s trying to dig at why now?

I went through a phase at 35 thinking I wanted a child. I researched widely, I panicked and freaked out about declining fertility and then I stopped. I asked myself the question “if you’ve never wanted kids before now, why now?” It made me realise that I didn’t truly want a child.

good luck op whatever you decide to do.

A relative had her first baby at 43 and is now, in her late 50s, being treated for breast cancer. It’s a risk factor. But then so are many other things.

Sorry, have we really got a poster trying to discourage/laying into a woman about having a baby because she may die young?

What?

Anyone could die at any moment. If you didn’t do something in case you died ‘young’ no one would do anything.