Expecting my husband to contribute more financially?

I would find it very unattractive if my DH treated me & my dc like this.

Never give up your job. Particularly as your DH is showing himself to be financially abusive already.

Hmm. I am the last person to say LTB and I often have my head in my hands reading some very daft, man-hating responses on other threads. BUT......

I think you need to be carefully considering all your options, including a divorce. And I also agree you need to have a discussion with your own family so that they know the situation, as you may need their help initially if you do go down the divorce route.

This man does not sound like someone I would want to be relying on financially in older age.

Do not quit your job.

I don't really understand how he's gone from earning 150k a year to now struggling. He must be hiding savings?

How is your marriage otherwise, taking finances out of the equation?

You need to divorce the bastard

Just seen your update @Defeatedmum and I'm less inclined to leap to the divorce conclusion, at least not before having an open conversation with him.

his refusal to pay for the additional childcare costs could be real concerns about his rather complex business arrangement - sounds like he's bitten off a helluva lot more than he can chew, perhaps dating back some years when times were a lot better eg pre-COVID / Brexit. He could be feeling like the walls are closing in with spiralling bills and uncertainty.

A marriage is about rough with the smooth as you undoubtedly know, so if the financial situation I describe is close to reality, then it would be better to weather the storm together and hopefully come out the other side with sanity intact.

Let's face it with 3 children to care for, it will be a whole lot worse splitting into two households with even more complexity, "be careful what you wish for" ....

I presume there are mortgages on the 4 houses and he doesn’t own them outright-it may be that half of those wouldn’t give you much. Half of the equity in your current house would be a good deposit on a house £175k?

Look at what that would give you locally. Type in a few details to see what you would be entitled to borrow on your salary as well.

I can understand that - he's hitting the ceiling on his finances too.

But here's the thing, he could sell one of the properties to give you both a bit of a financial cushion. It's not ideal as a landlord to do as people become homeless, and there's the possible BTL mortgage to sort (dunno if he's fixed in).

Selling the shares may be a better route. I would want to keep my job at all costs in your situation

All the properties he owns, and the marital home, are assets of the marriage and if you divorce you’re entitled to 50%

I don't think we on MN have enough information to be able to make assumptions about the level of the DHs wealth. Unless we have a massive drip feed on the way where the OP says the DH owns all 4 properties outright with no mortgages on any of them, then we would reasonably expect there to be a lot of mortgages and expenditure needed for those properties, which will be a significant risk during the current CoL crisis, success interest rate increases etc.

just as each party gets 50% of the assets in divorce, each party also gets to shoulder 50% of any debts ....

if the DH does own all properties outright, then they are a multi millionaire, meaning that the OP can lawyer up with confidence that he can't hide the marital assets very easily. The OP just needs details of the property addresses and then has a good case for a claim on those assets in divorce. He'll have a hard time trying to dispose of them quickly at the current time, and everything is a matter of public record.

I thought divorce after the first post, but thought you would be one of those posters who would just ignore that and bury their head in the sand about what an abusive horrible man their husband is.

After the other posts, 100% divorce. Do not give up your job. Gather all evidence of all 'your' (and I use the plural your for a reason - any asset is a joint asset) assets, in secret, and see a solicitor, in secret.

This is awful, and will only get worse.

Everyday there is one of these posts. Why do women marry such selfish arseholes.

And go on to have several children with them.

Just on the mortgage point, I do same job as you, same FTE. If you can get your deposit back out of the house then I think you can get a mortgage. I have one in my sole name on a buy to let. I used a broker. It wasn't difficult.

Tell your parents everything. You can't live like this.

Besides we don't need any more teachers to quit!

It's not a good idea for you to give up your job to be financially dependent on this man; he is already not sharing his considerable income with you, there is nothing to suggest he will do so if you give up your job.

The way he behaves I'd be considering the future of the relationship if I were you.

He's actually told you he would hide money to avoid paying for his own kids after a divorce? What a great dad. I'd leave him for that alone.

As others have said it sounds like you'd be fine with your share of the assets. Get legal advice.

DH is very money minded and has 4 properties which he rents out

Buy to Let nowadays is far from lucrative or secure from a landlord's perspective. If your DH loses any one of his tenants from his property portfolio, he has to underwrite the mortgage for the unoccupied property until he or an agent he has appointed manages to get a new tenant, with all the financial checks and balances in place, which can take months. Solvent tenants with a good credit rating are like gold dust.

Just don't assume that because your DH "owns" 4 properties, that it's a bed of roses and he's raking in loads of money. In the current economic climate most B2L landlords are bailing out because the government has made it a lot less attractive than a few years ago.

in your situation I would want to have a complete "cards on the table" discussion about your collective family financial circumstances, to find out the current state of his property portfolio and any risks he is having to mitigate. You may find he's being secretive about the reality of his financial set up.

You are in an abusive relationship OP.

He is a very wealthy man, so you need to get yourself a SHL (shit-hot lawyer) who is used to dealing with high net worth divorce cases.

You will be in an excellent position financially in a divorce as the primary carer of three very young children. You will get a lot of money from your H.

You need excellent legal advice though. Do some research and engage a SHL pronto.

Divorce seems the only viable option here. Then he will probably have to sell a house or two for the settlement.

You mention your culture so just to confirm do you have a Uk legal marriage?

How long have you been married?

Depending on the answer to those questions 'DH' doesn't have 4 houses, he has half of the 4 houses and half of the house you live in currently.

The basic starting point of a financial settlement would be that all assets and debts are pooled and split 50/50.

There are intricacies around that of it was a very short marriage or if assets have been held in trust or ringfenced legally, but starting point is that those assets would either need to be sold and equity split or he would need to buy you put.

So childcare will take your entire salary?

Tell him you can no longer pay for anything but the nursery fees - if he insists on not paying, you can refuse to pay your ‘share’ of mortgage/bills.

Tell your parents and his parents what’s happening.

I wouldn't worry about childcare costs OP, keep the job, keep the childcare, divorce him and you should have a nice pot to tide you over and oh dear those houses will have to go as part of that. Totally serves him right. He has treated all these investments like his own personal fiefdom - rent if needs be . It's not the end of the world or look at shared ownerships.

All the properties he owns, and the marital home, are assets of the marriage and if you divorce you’re entitled to 50%.

Get as much evidence of his finances as you can now.