Expecting my husband to contribute more financially?

@Siatanaas

Again more terrible advice.

If you think he's not abusive you should read the OP again.

And please, spare me the anti-feminist stuff.

The OP is being walked over and rinsed financially, and you're actually ADVOCATING she do so for the "comfortable" he's "giving" her.

Most of us have moved on from what our mothers put up with.

Those are great points and something to think about before getting married and having children with a “monster” like that, who god forbid offers his wife a less stressful, relaxing and comfortable life in gratitude for the 3 children of his she gave birth to.
If he is in any way abusive that’s a completely different story, but there’s nothing to in the story to suggest he is.
Nowadays women emasculate men in every possible way. Mocking chivalry and attacking men who try to be responsible and take care of their families Feminism s not about taking on men’s responsibilities or roles. It’s about having rights and a choice to do what’s best for you, and there’s no bad choice if you’re happy with it.
She can get a divorce a few years later after her children had a pleasant childhood if she feels it’s necessary.
I know plenty of women that would love to stay home with kids instead of having the stress of both - working and parenthood. Unfortunately not all of them are lucky.

Worth repeating.

And if he says No …?

He's not a nice person. The sooner you cut your losses the better IMO.

This is terrible advise.

To paraphrase, why not do as your told as long as he "allows", and let a controlling arsehole dictate what you do. Continue to service this man so you can stay in the home. Meanwhile your spirit will be shot to pieces, but never mind you can pick up what remains of your career once he's done with you. Because god forbid your children be left with "strangers".

Why not stay home and take care of the children while your husband allows that. Why pay for day car and let strangers spend time with your kids if you have the opportunity to give them your love while being fresh and not stressed out at work. You can always go back to work later on. Why be in a hurry with the divorce, you can divorced later after spending some quality time with your children.
As for the 75/25 mortgage, do you own the 25% officially? If so will he continue paying on your behalf? If you carry on staying with children and he pays the mortgage and supports filly supports you, I do not see how that could be an issue or a reason for divorce

I'd say if a man won't do that, don't marry him.

Well put @ChateauMargaux .

You have had loads of replies so maybe don't need any more..

DH.. I did not marry you and have three children to give up everything and become 100% beholden to you. My lifetime earning possibilities and future pensions are lower due to me being female, then permamently impacted by three pregnancies, further impacted by going part time. If I give up my job and have to ask you for money to pay for your children, I loose, not only my earning capacity and future pension but my dignity and my identity. This is not what we agreed. Either we pool finances, or we split thm.

@Defeatedmum
Do you know the start point for divorce is 50-50? You may well get more than half the equity to allow a clean break and to account for the disparity in earnings.
You own half of everything.
Depending on where you are, that equity would buy you a house outright.
Also, child maintenance on a salary of 150k with him having kids 1 night per week is £2000.
You most likely wouldn't get universal credit due to savings (tapers between 6 and 16k), but should apply for an assessment if you do split.
DO NOT give up work, keep your independence. It also gives you a pension.

I'd sit him down and have a frank conversation, cards on the table.

Ideally all money should go in the household pot and everything (inc. nursery) come out of it (including equal spends to allow you to save if you wish).

Financial abuse with bells on.

Good advice above - take it.

You will be much better off alone getting CMS and using UC to pay childcare.

Usual Mumsnet pie in the sky ideal world. This is real life. If your partner won't pool income nothing you can do about it other than divorce/leave. There is a thread about this problem nearly every day on here.

Trust me, HMRC aren’t that stupid. They follow the 50/50 rule on taxation of rental income for married couples, unless you submit (and they accept) Form 17.

Ooh….. does that mean that half of the rental income is treated as OP’s, and she is taxed on it….. in which case she should actually be receiving it, surely?

Good advice.

Get as much financial evidence as you can. He’ll be hiding it as we speak.

As soon as you mentioned divorce he’ll have been squirrelling money away so you don’t find it.

Buy to let mortgages need a minimum 25% deposit and I bet he’s paid off more. Yes Btl aren’t very financially lucrative now but he’s had these years and it has been easy money until now. At the very minimum there is 25% equity in every one of those houses plus the huge equity in your own home. Half of all that would get you a small mortgage free house plus you have potential to get a mortgage on a teachers salary.

He’ll have to pay some maintenance even if the accountant does cook the books. It can’t be made to show he’s living on thin air.

@Tuxedomom “As a minimum, those rental properties should be in your name as a basic rate tax payer to reduce tax”

You’re not an accountant, are you?

Trust me, HMRC aren’t that stupid. They follow the 50/50 rule on taxation of rental income for married couples, unless you submit (and they accept) Form 17. Which he is not going to do. And HMRC wouldn’t be daft enough to accept anyway 🤣

Do not give up your job!

Do this:

1. set up a new email just for you, invent a fake name for it and don't save the password in your phone. Gmail is good, you can access it via chrome without having to save it - do not keep it open on your phone, log out each time.
2. Gather up all documents possible passports, financial info, mortgage, rental property addresses, everything. Take photos and send them to your new fake email from your new fake email
3. Delete original photos from your phone and empty phone delete box
4. Invent a dental appointment or smear test or something, and book a legal appointment - do not tell him!!
5. Show your fake email and attachments at the appointment, get their advice
6. Once you have proper advice, consider your options carefully.

Take your time deciding what to do - but keep your job and say nothing to him that you are considering your options.

You mentioned cultural issues - gather up the children's passports and birth certificates and keep them safely somewhere like with your mum or sister.

Good luck!

Read the OP-:

DH also pays for all bills whilst I'm on maternity

She is presumably on Mat Leave from her 3-day a week teaching job.

Do not give up your job.

In this scenario, teacher resignation deadlines are quite handy. You couldn’t leave until Christmas even if you resigned tomorrow. This means that even if he puts you under great pressure, you have at least a few months of “I can’t quit yet anyway” while you do some serious ground work: photos of bank statements, property deeds, mortgage repayments, payslips, etc.

FWIW, I’m also a teacher, divorced last year, was able to buy a house with less equity than it’s likely you’ll get.

I wish you well

She works 3 days a week- that's not maternity leave, surely?

As a minimum, those rental properties should be in your name as a basic rate tax payer to reduce tax.

It's not as simple as that though is it? We don't know the set up.
He might be a limited company and have all kinds of tax perks/ investment advice going on.

Running a business is not just as simple as syphoning profits off to put in her name.

Just read the updates. Lawyer up now and get as financially educated as possible before telling him you want a divorce.

It's not always right to put all the money into one pot.

There are couples where there is a big difference in income who each put 50-50 into the pot for mortgage/ rent, bills and food. Then they each keep some of their own money in savings or spend it.

This is particularly relevant for women as they (IMO) always need a savings pot if they are ever SAHM, or on a lower income because they work p/t to do childcare.

So many women here can't leave relationships easily as they don't have a pound to their name.

This.

He sounds controlling. As a minimum, those rental properties should be in your name as a basic rate tax payer to reduce tax. Or sell one to free up temporary cash flow until all DC in school.

Up to you both to sort it out. This is the trouble when you become over reliant on a partner's large salary.