To wish I didn’t have my 3yo son?

Well, I know for an absolute fact that social services in my area have foster carers who take in babies and toddlers, so I’m not sure why you think this is complete nonsense. Perhaps they don’t exist near you, or there aren’t many, but that doesn’t mean the suggestion many people are making is absolutely futile. Nobody is suggesting a special needs boarding school. What practical help / suggestions can you think of instead?

You have absolutely no.idea what you would do.unless you are in that situation
Imagine it's your child ,the child you love more than anything else in the world
Gradually you realise that your child has disabilities and over a number of years it becomes apparent how complex those disabilities are most people don't put their child up.for adoption ,they struggle in as they have no choice its insulting when people act si.blase,about such a huge decision.

I have nothing but compassion for you as I know that I’d absolutely feel the same and really struggle.

I also don’t think the adoption comment made by one poster should be viewed as some sort of joke or nasty. I personally know someone who has put her son into foster care as she was absolutely unable to care for his additional needs. She felt guilty enough as it is - nobody in that awful situation (and there may well be someone on here like that even if it’s not OP) needs the additional guilt from strangers calling her appalling for even considering it. Not everyone is mentally, physically or emotionally able to cope in this situation so hold off with the snap judgement just because you think you wouldn’t.

OP, given how extremely difficult your circumstances are, you could ask your local council if it’s possible to any additional (residential) care / support, perhaps at weekends, to give you a break?

YANBU OP,

I can’t even imagine how tough your life is and how you see your future. I think I would be feeling exactly the same as you if I was in your position xx

Its not just that you have to be assesed for it and it has to.to.panel ,not everyone wull.get it and then even if direct payments are granted finding a PA. is another issue

I absolutely feel for you.

We went to the park last night and there was a family there with a similar set up to yours. Very challenging.

It must be beyond tough

I actually think this is something to consider.

I'm so sorry, OP.

If it helps at all, vent on here. No judgement.

There desperately needs to be more help / respite available for families like yours.

Op, DD (ASD and severe LDs) was very difficult at three. non verbal etc. challenging on many fronts. She is now a teen and verbal and has surprised us in so many ways. she still has complex needs, is in a special school, will never be independent but things are a lot easier than at three. I know it doesn't happen for all but at 3, I was absolute broken. Things are much better now.

In OP's case yes I probably would, although fostering seems the most likely scenario.

There isn't 🙄

My inlaws do short term respite care for all ages from newborn up as does one of my colleagues. It's not that it doesn't exist, it's just that there aren't enough people who do it so finding a placement is difficult.

There must be something. There must be parents who just can't cope with a disabled child. Perhaps the child would go into foster care?

Totally agree every single thread like this ,people suggest it ,its frustrating,.

@monicagellerbing It's a small human we are talking about, not a cat you hand over to the rescue when it's too much bother.

Gosh I'm so sorry, you're not horrible
It's gruelling when your life and hopes for your child are not how you imagined
and I'm sorry you are not supported more
It's hard to get I know, but could the SW try to get respite care so that you can focus on DD for even a day?
Could you contact the NAS for ideas?
You can apply to Family Fund for anything which may help

Op you sound like a fabulous mum, but that doesn't mean that it's easy. Your feelings are perfectly normal, caring for a child with so many needs is tough. Anyone can go on social media and make life look glossy, it doesn't mean its their full picture and even if it's the reality for them, it doesn't represent the other families with kids with additional needs who are finding it much harder. And that's because every child is different. I would approach your social worker and ask about whether there is any option for short term respite foster care or whether any charities would do something like take ds out for the day to give you a break and some quality time with your dd. I'm aware these resources are woefully under funded and can be hard to find. Alternatively you could ask your social worker for a family conference where they bring in your family and try to pin people down to ways they can support you. Could be agreeing to babysit ds once a month or every 2 months, could be doing the nursery run, could be cooking or hosting you for dinner or taking over laundry. Is ds dad around to offer support and if so is he sharing the load with you as fairly as he could be? I'm sorry op, I know there's no easy solution. Perhaps joining a support group for parents of kids with asd might help you feel less alone and give you a better support network?

Some LAs have respite foster parents for exactly this scenario ... has this been offered?
I do not think badly of you for how you feel ... we are all only human.

Can people please please stop suggesting residential care? There is no such thing esp for 3 year old. There is next to no support for families with complex kids let alone residential placement. Please, for the love of god, stop suggesting this nonsense.

Op I have no suggestions but just wanted to offer solidarity as a fellow mum of SN dc.

Have you got a PA ? With direct payments ?
This makes life tolerable tbh .. I feel your pain though . Watch your dd and make sure she has support . It massively impacted my dd life .

If he has ASD, are you claiming any disability support/ benefits for him? You may be entitled to some respite care and support.

This was me last year. After a year in nursery my nonverbal child with ASD and SLD has now starting picking up words, a bit more sociable amongst other things. I'm a lone parent too, no contact from their other parent and very little support from my family, nobody ever minds her for so much as an hour and never has overnight. What I will say is that there has been progress in the last year that has made life more bearable, whilst still very hard at times. I am a very lonely person now, no friends, no time or way to make them, a shadow of my former self and I genuinely feel the only reason I am still here is for my DC. That's my sole role in my existence. So believe me, I really do sympathise so much with you. Having children with additional needs is far more difficult than those who never experience it seem to appreciate. But my point is it is possible as time goes on maybe things may change, slowly but surely?

Would you put your three year old up.for adoption?