To think weddings cost guests and bridal party too much?!

This is exactly why we had a very simple hen do. Mate cooked us a curry, I provided fruit salad then we went to the pub with a veil and L plates...it was perfect!
I'm getting married tomorrow...registry office, restaurant, bar, no bridesmaids or fancy cars. Job done...cannot wait!
Our simple wedding is still pricey and I don't want to spend 10,000 on one day.

As long as the bride/groom are okay with people declining then it’s up to them what they do for their wedding or hen/stag, it’s an invitation not a summons, if you don’t want to go then don’t go. My parents in law got married in the Maldives and we couldn’t afford to go, that’s fine because it’s what they wanted and their wedding is about them not us.

I'm in a WhatsApp group for STB SIL hen next year and it has suddenly sprung back to life now the MOH is firming plans up for the abroad hen.
It's been one long stream of "can't afford the abroad hen but I'll be at the home hen with bells on".
Good for them all for being honest and not getting themselves in a mess over it. I feel bad for SIL, she just wants what a million brides before her have had, but at the same time I'm a bit 🫣 that she didn't read the room first. COL crisis, her mates all seem to be on maternity leave or attending umpteen other weddings next year so need to speak their resources.
It's all just so awkward on there now.

I don't and they don't. Haven't been to one for ten years, praise the Lord.

And hen dos, what a lot of rubbish.
Whats it for??

Weddings are a pain in the arse. They are only special to those very close to the bride and groom. For everyone else its an expense you just don't need. All the faff, time off and expectation you are delighted to spend so much money and energy on people you like but wouldn't necessarily give your all to, is just too much. And they never see it, its all about them and their big dream day.

Sigh. I'm hoping my kids elope.

I specifically didn’t want our wedding to cost our guests too much so we only had one bridesmaid and best man each and we paid for their outfits and accommodation and we picked a venue near a premier inn, luckily it was being repainted at the time so only cost the guests £30 a night! And we kept the hen and stag local.

We had no stag/hen parties & a very simple wedding with a buffet after. This was due to lack of money and wanting to save up for a house deposit. But that was our choice. Most of our friends are /were in a similar position so had very similar weddings.

Only one had a destination wedding and stag/hen aways. They didn’t put any pressure on people and paid for themselves. They also had a joint one in the local pub for everyone so inclusive for people who couldn’t go to ceremony. And she was chuffed as she got to wear her wedding dress again!

It's their wedding but you can make it clear from the outset that you wouldn't be able to go to a wedding abroad or would struggle with an expensive hen night. I think sometimes the bride and groom can forget that if you are asking people to come to your wedding then at the very least you have to feed them, appreciate that certain family members may have to travel more than others, take more annual leave and may decline for that reason.

@Thepeopleversuswork
Just don’t go, I doubt they will miss you.

It's up to the bride what she does but it's the lack of empathy if someone says they can't do it/afford it. I've had to say no to hen dos abroad and friends have never been the same afterwards.
To people saying just say no, well I thought I could as we were such good friends and thought she'd understand, she didn't and now we're just acquaintances 😢
It seems to be the way with everything now, everything over the top and if you don't do absolutely everything you're classed as not a good friend

Absolutely agree. One of the reasons we had our wedding in a central location that was easily accessible by public transport and taxis. Didn't want guests to have any unnecessary expenses.

I agree. We'd been engaged for ten years because I was out off by the cost but in the end I had 9 people at my hen do and it was a meal and drinks in Birmingham. The wedding was registry office with party in social club, band was a cousin's band and no dj. Street food for the wedding breakfast. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and although I've not properly added the cost it was probably about 5k. We didn't have a present list but most people have us presents, vouchers. Money.

I think it’s okay to do those things.

It’s absolutely not okay to be offended or put out when someone chooses not to come though.

Good on you for declining the things you can't afford. If the bride is being pissy about it, that's just a poor reflection of her.

This is the most sensible post I have ever read on Mumsnet. I agree with every single word.

Wedding invitations are just that, invitations and not summons. I choose which invitations I want to accept and decline the ones I don’t. I understand how frustrating it must be when people are so wrapped up in their own self importance that they you expect to shell out for their ‘moment’ but acquiring a thicker skin will save you thousands.

If you've lived in the same area your whole life and all your friends and family live there, then of course you can have a cheap hen/stag do down the local pub.

But most of my group of friends are from uni, and they ended up all over the country and some abroad. It simply isn't feasible to have an evening only stag/hen if many people have to travel several hours just to all be in the same location, it has to be overnight and usually over a weekend in order to allow everyone time to get there.

But I agree that you don't have to be booking expensive hotels, and activities.

You can do it cheaply re the hen/stag do. My daughter in law to be had an afternoon tea in my house and one will be afternoon tea in a hotel. My son went to Prague with 2 friends.
The wedding will be paid for by them and we have made a small contribution.
The only real expense for me was my outfit. I did spend quite a bit of money on it. That was my choice and didn't affect anyone else.
Do what you want to do and enjoy.

It absolutely is a licence to print money.

I al mid 40's and We get married next year, we have been very careful to keep costs down. My bridesmaids have offered to buy their own dresses although this hasn't been agreed yet as I feel we should buy them. We are ordering from ever pretty and then are about £55 each.

We considered going away but we decided costs are too expensive. So we are local, I have shut down anybtalk of expensive hen dos etc and suggested we go for a meal and a few drinks.

We have stated no gifts because weddings are expensive enough for people. The hotel rooms are reasonably priced but we have given a range of alternatives locally for those who can't afford it. We have also offered for a particular family for whom we know money is tight to have our house overnight to help save costs.

Regardless though, you are given an invite which you can decline for any reason. What is completely unreasonable is for brides to be pissy about it if you do have to decline.

And if people decide they don’t want to spend so much money that is their choice

I would never go to a abroad hen or wedding
i think anyone who expects people to shell out ££££ for their wedding is self obsessed

You say no, you tell her how happy you are that she's getting married, how much you want her to have an amazing Hen Do and Wedding, you buy a gift that you can afford for the wedding and you explain that you can't afford the weekend away for the loss of annual leave.

You don't put yourself in a position where you're worried sick about money to attend someone else's party, and if they are a close friend they should fully understand and accept that.

My friend had a joint wedding with another friend of hers. They got married in a registry office then blew a lot of money on the party. There were 4 different bands, magicians, food and drink for days. They prioritised their guests enjoyment over everything else.

DH and I are going to a wedding next week. I've known the groom for 30+ years - he is DH's best friend since childhood, though the contact between them has been sporadic over the years. As things have happened, I've never met the bride. I only just found out she has two grown-up children, and the groom has one child from a one night stand (I always thought wife to be was child's mother, but apparently not!). Friend has never met our adult children either.

I'm not going to know a sinner at the wedding bar the groom. There might be a couple of people I will know at the evening do.

I am wearing a dress I had already bought and not worn, and sandals the same. Am borrowing a bag from my DD.

The groom is nearly 60 and has never been married before. His parents are religious which has been an issue over the years. His dad is a retired professional and his mother comes from a moneyed background.

Please wish me luck lol!!