My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

I think the OP was expecting "Men eh? What are they like? Silly billies. Honestly. NVM hun, you get yourself a glass of wine and Make Them Wait until 7pm to make them dinner."

Same vibes as all my aunties - moaning about the shit their men put them through behind their backs but first up to roll out the red carpet on as soon as a MAN deigned to put in an appearance.

Well handled OP. If I were you in future I’d be telling DP that next time he invites a guest you don’t know/want into your home then he needs to pay for you to go for a nice spa break, so he can entertain and you can relax.

What are people thanking op when she’s calling posters idiots? I don’t get it.

I completely disagree with that.

OP comes on and has a little rant about her partner being thoughtless. Yeah, it happens.

Situation gets dealt with - no drama. OP deals with it. They move on with their lives. No tears flooding the floor or shit hot lawyers needed.

Nobody got murdered/assaulted.

Nobody is a narc (covert or otherwise)/gaslighter/abuser/controller.

That's more or less how real life works for many people.

When you have a work trip, unless you're a struggling charity or something, you expect work to pay the £100 for a Premier Inn or whatever. (I wouldn't be surprised if the guy pocketed the expense money or split it with OP's partner).

Boundary 1: Asking to stay at the home of a colleague you've never visited before instead of paying for a hotel. That's social boundary 1 that he's broken.

OP retreats, & allows this to happen.

When you're imposing on someone, the unspoken social rule is to be as little bother as possible.
Boundary 2: Arriving 5 hours early, inconveniencing the hosts.

OP retreats, & allows this to happen.

Boundary 3: OP said just drop your bags off.
Guy: No. I'm going to wait here.

OP doesn't push back, but allows him to stay.

Boundary 4: OP says please leave.
Guy: No.

OP retreats, & allows this to happen.

Boundary 5: I'm working, don't disturb me.
GUY: I'm hungry.

OP pushes back and says no. I'm not making food for you.

MUMSNET PEOPLE: This guy is breaking a lot of boundaries. Worst case scenario, boundary stompers can get a bit rapey. - this happened to me/my friend.

OP pushes back. You're just fear-mongering, mean bitches.

Well, even if OP refuses to engage or provide an informative update, maybe others can still learn from the situation.

Dear fucking God, what an attitude.

And with that last update, Cynicaltheorist and her partner sound as insufferable as each other!

@Cynicaltheorist What exactly did you hope to achieve by creating this thread? Whatever you were expecting, it clearly has not gone your way, right?

I wouldn’t be able to think with a random man in my house out of nowhere.

I would be absolutely livid at DP! He could have stalled him to at least let you shower and brace yourself!

The landlord or agent may well have "barely known" the workman.

Who are you to decide what is relevant to the thread?

You really do come across as an obnoxious individual.

The thread that never ends !

Blimey give it a rest for gawds sake

Thrilled to be a Cool Girl (the word 'girl' rather gives away the mentality of those using it as an insult, doesn't it?) if it refers to capable, confident women who don't spend their lives cowering and worrying about things that are 99% certain never to happen.

Hate to tell you this, OP, but that's not what it means at all. Far from it. It's not a compliment at all.

And given women here have talked about things that have happened to them, why are you sneering at them?

But the thread isn't about that, or them.

That's a very huffy and uninformative update.
Disappointing.

Thanks for updating @Cynicaltheorist 🙂. Glad to hear that normality has resumed.

@Cynicaltheorist some posters have a habit of deeailing the thread by projecting and insisting their therories. I had experienced that many years ago about me under a different user name. But there are also those who really want to listen and offer good advice. Hope it all got sorted for you.

@Cynicaltheorist
Many thanks for posting again.

As a tenant, you often don't get to choose.

Not sure that is relevant to my question. I'm not suggesting OP shouldn't be annoyed about the imposition. However, I am wondering how some posters get through life if they have such a huge fear of men they don't know well being in their house as this would mean no tradesmen etc.

Why is it not remotely the same?

Why would someone from a "reputable company" be any safer than the man in this scenario though?

You fuckers have ruined the thread!

That wasn't rude...

Although I too would not be best pleased at someone turning up 5 hours early, it wasn’t really the fault of the guest for actually arriving at your house early but your partner saying it was ok to do just that.

To be cool to the guest thereafter was unnecessary and unfair.

It was said that your partner would probably expect you to make a sandwich. If the guest said they hadn’t eaten, is it possible that your partner suggested this would be the case? It seems odd that someone would ask if there was anything to eat when they could have nipped to a shop en route. Unless of course it was suggested otherwise.

I daresay the guest will be leaving with the impression that you are far from happy to entertain guests.

That to me is a shame as I do think your annoyance was misplaced - but at least you got your partner telt. He is the one who made merry with your time when he knew you were working.