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Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
MeetMyCat · 31/08/2023 16:28

FullFatPhil · 31/08/2023 14:07

"Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled."

Someone who was told that it was ok. It's your boyfriend that needs telling.

This

Azaeleasinbloom · 31/08/2023 16:28

You are a nicer person than I, OP. This man is incredibly rude, and your partner is a CF too, dumping this on you.
i would, at the very least, be expecting my partner to be paying for my friend and I to have dinner tonight.
Your ‘guest’ sounds a real bargain, I would not be putting myself out for him at all.

Original poster
Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 16:28

I'm nearly as furious with all the people projecting their fear of strangers and having a man you don't know in the house as I am about my partner saying yes he can come and this guest for thinking that it wouldn't be a fucking nuisance, turning up so early. Please stop projecting your fear of guests and men onto me. We are normally sociable and happy to welcome guests, but we had a guest last week and I have family from abroad coming next week and my work is hectic at the moment.

He's arrived early because, apparently, the journey would have been even longer if he hadn't set out early before the traffic built up. So he prioritised his own convenience over ours. Which is why I'm in no mood to bump into him in the kitchen and feel obliged to be polite.

OP posts:
passiveaggressivenonsense · 31/08/2023 16:27

I think given the circumstances you handled it reasonably, but there's no need to be cold and distant. You can set boundaries and be pleasant at the same time.

MinnieGirl · 31/08/2023 16:26

MillWood85 · 31/08/2023 15:23

There's no way in a million years I'd let anyone into my home to stay overnight that neither my DH nor I had actually met in person.

That's so far beyond weird.

Totally agree…..
He might be a mad axe man…..
Really weird and I would have said no way.

ZadocPDederick · 31/08/2023 16:25

Fridaytomorrow · 31/08/2023 16:19

So, if he’s driven 300 miles, and not restricted to bus or train times, there’s no reason for him to have arrived so early.

He could just have started later. It would all have been in daylight.

Yes, he must have started ridiculously early. I can't really see any circumstances where I'd manage to turn up 5 hours early after that sort of journey, but if it looked likely I'd make my drive down very leisurely with breaks along the way.

Plus this guy turn up around 2 and was claiming to be hungry around 3. Surely in that situation, with time on your side, you stop to eat before you arrive at your destination, rather than expect your host to interrupt their work and magic food up for you? What did he plan to do if your OP had said sorry, no, you can't turn up before the agreed time, there will be no-one to let you in?

EvilElsa · 31/08/2023 16:24

So you've got a random bloke camped out in your spare room ordering takeaways and interrupting your work meetings?! What the fuck?

CrackedChina · 31/08/2023 16:24

It sounds like your partner is one of those sad sorts who is desperate to be liked by total strangers and it doesn't matter if you have to suffer the consequences.

KStockHERO · 31/08/2023 16:23

Nonplusultra · 31/08/2023 16:22

I have an automatic distrust of boundary pushing men. No way he would be in my home with me alone.
Just don’t answer the door. Or answer the phone.

If you absolutely need to explain, say you work with headphones on and didn’t hear the bell.

Absolutely this.

Nonplusultra · 31/08/2023 16:22

I have an automatic distrust of boundary pushing men. No way he would be in my home with me alone.
Just don’t answer the door. Or answer the phone.

If you absolutely need to explain, say you work with headphones on and didn’t hear the bell.

LaffTaff · 31/08/2023 16:22

Your beef is with your partner, not the guest.

ThatsALampost · 31/08/2023 16:22

Fuck everything else, there’s not really any excuse excuse for letting a stranger stay at your home. Hotels, air bnbs exists

HarpieDuJour · 31/08/2023 16:21

I live in one of the far corners of the Highlands. Hospitality is a big thing here. I still don't know any woman who would welcome an unknown man into her home when she was alone and supposed to be working.

There is a huge difference between welcoming guests and gambling on the random man at your door not being an axe murderer. Your DP is being a twit.

User5653218 · 31/08/2023 16:20

I'm on the fence about this one. He was invited, just not by you. Your partner told him it was OK to arrive early. So he arrived and got a not very warm welcome. So now he feels awkward, he can tell you're pissed off.
Your partner should have told him to go somewhere else until you were finished work.

I'd be raging with your partner. This is his fault.

Fridaytomorrow · 31/08/2023 16:19

So, if he’s driven 300 miles, and not restricted to bus or train times, there’s no reason for him to have arrived so early.

He could just have started later. It would all have been in daylight.

KStockHERO · 31/08/2023 16:19

He said he was very tired after driving 300 miles and he just wanted to lie down. As he was already lying down on the bed I didn't have much choice

I get that you might have been flustered, OP, but you absolutely should've put your foot down here and told him to leave until your DP got back. "I can understand that you're tired but I don't feel comfortable with this situation. Please get up and leave, and come back at 7pm when DP will be here"

He's a cheeky fucker of the highest order.

I hope you have a great night out tonight.

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 31/08/2023 16:19

I'd be furious with my partner as well for telling his friend there was no problem in turning up before you were expecting him.

Tiredanddistracted · 31/08/2023 16:17

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 16:14

Sorry for the long delay in replying. I had an online work meeting. He arrived. I greeted him coolly, said he could leave his stuff but I was busy working from home and he wasn't due until 7pm, so once he'd left his stuff perhaps he could find something to do/ somewhere to go for a few hours. There's a cinema complex a few miles away so I suggested he go there, have something to eat and see a film. He took his bag into the spare room and didn't come out again, so after 15 minutes I knocked. He said he was very tired after driving 300 miles and he just wanted to lie down. As he was already lying down on the bed I didn't have much choice. About an hour ago he walked into the room I use as an office and asked if there was anything to eat. I said I was sorry, I was in a meeting (I was) but told him he could order a takeaway to be delivered. The doorbell rang a while ago so I guess that's what he did. My meeting's over but I don't really want to leave this room because I don't feel well-disposed towards him.

I've contacted a friend and arranged to go out for the evening with her as soon as my partner gets in. He can be host and provide dinner.

I'm so angry with my partner. We've been together 14 years and yes, he's invited people to stay on a number of occasions — but at least none of them turned up five hours early...

Show quote history

What. THE FUCK.

Cheeky bastard!

Redshoeblueshoe · 31/08/2023 16:16

Wow he really is a cheeky fucker

Original poster
Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 16:14

MarshyMcMarshFace · 31/08/2023 14:13

Surely your DH can make him a sandwich??

Just go about your business normally (maybe not skip from shower to bedroom naked ) , tell your DH to make the bloke a sandwich and then take him out if the house.

Sorry for the long delay in replying. I had an online work meeting. He arrived. I greeted him coolly, said he could leave his stuff but I was busy working from home and he wasn't due until 7pm, so once he'd left his stuff perhaps he could find something to do/ somewhere to go for a few hours. There's a cinema complex a few miles away so I suggested he go there, have something to eat and see a film. He took his bag into the spare room and didn't come out again, so after 15 minutes I knocked. He said he was very tired after driving 300 miles and he just wanted to lie down. As he was already lying down on the bed I didn't have much choice. About an hour ago he walked into the room I use as an office and asked if there was anything to eat. I said I was sorry, I was in a meeting (I was) but told him he could order a takeaway to be delivered. The doorbell rang a while ago so I guess that's what he did. My meeting's over but I don't really want to leave this room because I don't feel well-disposed towards him.

I've contacted a friend and arranged to go out for the evening with her as soon as my partner gets in. He can be host and provide dinner.

I'm so angry with my partner. We've been together 14 years and yes, he's invited people to stay on a number of occasions — but at least none of them turned up five hours early...

OP posts:
diddl · 31/08/2023 16:03

He's an absolute thoughtless twat.

Agreeing to things that don't especially inconvenience him.

jays · 31/08/2023 16:00

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 31/08/2023 14:07

Take it up with your partner who told the man he could stay, and told him the time wasn't a problem.

Agree. It’s not the guys fault it’s your partners. I’d phone your partner, tell him him you have an appointment, he’s more than welcome to host he guest but he’ll need to be there to let them in etc. Too many people don’t care at all unless it impacts or inconveniences them.

Redshoeblueshoe · 31/08/2023 15:55

I'd pretend to be someone else, Sorry mate you've got the wrong house

Cherrysoup · 31/08/2023 15:40

He’s a stranger to your dp and he’s allowing him to turn up 5 hours early so you’re obliged (well, not really, but it’s very hard to open the door and tell someone they can’t come in, at least ime) to host?! I’d be telling my dp to get his arse home NOW.

Superfood · 31/08/2023 15:39

Just say NO.