Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
Toomanylaughs · 31/08/2023 20:05

Nonplusultra · 31/08/2023 16:22

I have an automatic distrust of boundary pushing men. No way he would be in my home with me alone.
Just don’t answer the door. Or answer the phone.

If you absolutely need to explain, say you work with headphones on and didn’t hear the bell.

This.

The guy is pushing boundaries for sure, first with your partner and now with you .

I don’t drive so I take public transport and sometimes arrive ridiculously early to somewhere due to the timing of trains, flights etc. If so, I have a coffee and wait until closer to the time before contacting someone. As I understand it this person came with a car so they could’ve even waited in their car for a while, and the fact they were driving means they more or less contrived the situation, it’s not like there was only an early train they could get on for example

Your partner is bang out of order too and is the one you should mainly be annoyed at for opening you up to this - is he a doormat or does he just have no respect or concern for you or a bit of all of those things?

MummyJ36 · 31/08/2023 20:02

Lol the balls on someone to ask what there is for lunch when they’ve arrived 5 hours early 🤣

FKATondelayo · 31/08/2023 20:02

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 16:38

Please stop it with the put you at risk to the extent he literally invites a random man off the street in to your house nonsense.

This man is someone who is connected via colleagues of my partner's (he's not my boyfriend, we're not teenagers). He's not 'some random man off the street.' He's going to be running one element of a training event tomorrow.

Most women who are killed in their own homes are killed by people they know. This kind of scaremongering is really dangerous and can lead to women leading fearful lives, scared of venturing out.

What a weird response. We're not the one hiding out in our own home because an aggressive, entitled man has decided it's his place now.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:57

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:54

The rude, uninvited guest is actually at fault here, too!

He is rude. He's not uninvited though (thanks to DP actually, you know, inviting him!)

It's all unreasonable but the person who should have had the balls to say no is DP, who should not have put expectations on OP is DP, and who should have made it fully clear guest couldn't come early is again, DP.

It’s in the first para of the OP - he was ‘cornered into inviting’.

The rude uninvited guest is also to blame.

Teentaxidriver · 31/08/2023 19:55

I think the rudeness of your guest is breathtaking. Who the fuck shows up five hours early because it is convenient for him (typical male entitlement) and then expects their host to make them lunch. What a dick. Your partner isn't much better tbf, although, it sounds as though he was cornered and the guest hasn't been easy to manage.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:54

The rude, uninvited guest is actually at fault here, too!

He is rude. He's not uninvited though (thanks to DP actually, you know, inviting him!)

It's all unreasonable but the person who should have had the balls to say no is DP, who should not have put expectations on OP is DP, and who should have made it fully clear guest couldn't come early is again, DP.

GLORIAGloriarse · 31/08/2023 19:53

Funny response, to permit the guest to do whatever he likes but quite sneeringly imply that posters here are pathetic little women terrified of nothing in particular. It is not the case.

Advice here has been sensible and hasn't gone into assuming he is a murderer. It wasn't clear whether he was well known to you if not in person, and he has overridden every boundary so far to suit himself. Coming to stay at all, arrival time, not leaving the house, not going for food at the cinema complex, not entering your workspace.

It doesn't matter that DP gave him opposing impressions, OP was the one at home and he should have gone with her wishes.

The man sounds like a bit of an oddball and did so from making a nuisance of himself initially. This is why PPs advised caution, not paranoia. People speak from experience, not fantasy.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:52

@Clymene

Oh I agree. It's mental that the man thought any part of this was ok (staying with a stranger, coming early, interrupting OP).

But the fault lies squarely with OP's DP who has been massively disrespectful.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:50

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:46

I know. I commented on that in my first post saying it was unacceptable.

Staying in the spare room (which she initially didn't want him to do) wouldn't have been an issue.

I don't think this guy's behaviour is acceptable. At all.

But it's fully DP's fault for allowing him to come early.

Show quote history

Sorry, but it’s not ‘fully’ the partner’s fault.

The rude, uninvited guest is actually at fault here, too!

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:46

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:44

I'm gobsmacked anyone thinks this is acceptable

Is anyone saying it's acceptable? (Maybe they are, haven't read all posts).

It's not acceptable. At all. But it's a DP issue - he should not have agreed to guest coming.

No he shouldn't. But equally, the other bloke shouldn't have turned up at all. And when the OP suggested he go to the cinema and get some food, he should have got the message loud and clear and pissed off.

This thread is why I don't invite people to stay other than family. People really have no manners.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:46

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:42

@EarringsandLipstick he barged into the OP's room while she was working

I know. I commented on that in my first post saying it was unacceptable.

Staying in the spare room (which she initially didn't want him to do) wouldn't have been an issue.

I don't think this guy's behaviour is acceptable. At all.

But it's fully DP's fault for allowing him to come early.

MrsMous · 31/08/2023 19:45

Why in earth could he not have got a b&b ?! I would have said a firm no. Strangers sleeping in your home? No chance .

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:44

I'm gobsmacked anyone thinks this is acceptable

Is anyone saying it's acceptable? (Maybe they are, haven't read all posts).

It's not acceptable. At all. But it's a DP issue - he should not have agreed to guest coming.

Greenpolkadot · 31/08/2023 19:43

What a CF .asking you if there was ' anything to eat '
I just can believe the arrogance of the tosser and I am seething on your behalf OP

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:42

@EarringsandLipstick he barged into the OP's room while she was working

NewName122 · 31/08/2023 19:42

You're a Saint OP. Enjoy your evening out!

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:41

He was invited for 7pm and turned up at 2pm, even though he knew the bloke who'd invited him wouldn't be there.

He's treating the OP's home like a hotel where he wants to get his money's worth by checking in as soon as he's able. And asking for food!

I'm gobsmacked anyone thinks this is acceptable

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 31/08/2023 19:41

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:34

I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm

This was never passed onto CF, and certainly never agreed to by him.

It wasn't his place to "agree to" it though, because it's not his home.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:39

Clymene · 31/08/2023 19:28

@EarringsandLipstick I don't know what the OP does but I work on very commercially confidential stuff. I can't have anyone overhearing what I'm talking about a lot of the time.

Also, he barged in while she was in a meeting. He had zero respect for her or her work.

This thread is beginning to remind me of that one recently where a bloke sent his naked children to disturb the OP while he knew she was delivering a presentation.

Would he have overheard in the spare room? 🤔

Yes as said, he was rude about food.

But it's fully a DP issue here.

Seaweed42 · 31/08/2023 19:38

I hope it's a fund-raising charity event and not a bloody lads hiking trip he's organising.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2023 19:38

@CrazyArmadilloLady

The OP owes him nothing - not entry to her house and definitely not politeness.

I agree she 'owes' him nothing.

However I see no need to be rude to a stranger. The issue was with her DP - absolutely. Not the guest. The guest called ahead to DP.

I do agree he was rude re food etc.

But I can't see why it mattered him being in the spare room?

But yes, her DP is an arse for doing this.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:34

I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm

This was never passed onto CF, and certainly never agreed to by him.

justasking111 · 31/08/2023 19:32

@Cynicaltheorist have a lovely evening with your friend.

Delatron · 31/08/2023 19:32

I think those condoning the rude guest need to go back and read the OP.

There were ‘an increasing number of infuriating phone calls’ so rude! And then

’He told me he hadn’t had lunch’ Why?! Why, when he was so early did he not stop for food. Why did he feel the need to tell the OP he had not had lunch (because he wanted her to make him lunch)

Why did he not listen when she told him she had work and could he go back out and amuse himself?

OP’s DH is massively out of order but who behaves like this as a guest?!

GreekDogRescue · 31/08/2023 19:31

I’d be furious

Swipe left for the next trending thread