DH won’t let me go out during ‘work hours’

I'm so sorry OP this is not normal. You went to the cinema in June but kids had to be down and you drove - this is implying you have never had a night out or a few drinks? Or just skipped the bedtime routine for a walk because you were stressed? If not then something is seriously amiss, you are effectively a sole parent.

He needs someone explain to him what a SAHM means. If he has work Mon 9-5 and you have kids the same times, then that's both your 'working weeks'. Any time after that is 50/50. Try talking to him. If he doesn't change you'll simply have to start leaving the house. If he finds himself with the kids he has no choice has he? Honestly he doesn't sound like a good father or partner and I feel bad for you.

That is a disgusting way to talk to your partner or anyone, how dare he talk to you this way.

Obviously as the SAHP, the childcare will fall to you more often. However, since it appears from your messages that he calls the tune wrt work rather than dances to someone elses and doesn't appear too stretched, I am also going to say YANBU on this front. He could easily make himself available for 2 hours. The fact he won't and never has done coupled with his attitude to you suggests he knows exactly what he's up to; he's a lazy, controlling, shit.

*short time

Sorry, missed he doesn't like you going out without the kids.
Fuck that, they're his kids just as much as yours.
If they're safe with him, get yourself off out more.
He can parent them then too.

Does he have a relationship with his dch? Does he bath them, read to them, etc? Take over 50 per cent of the time outside his 'working' hours? Sounds as if you need to have a very frank discussion with him about what it means to be a parent, which sometimes means him parenting alone while you go out and do what you want. That's at the very least a short every day. If you can't get this message through his thick skull is there anyone else who could talk to him on your behalf?

She said "He does this mainly with his business partner (very good friend) and with business associates." even if he does enjoy it, it's still work, we are allowed to enjoy our work.

Telling you to get it through your thick skull just shows how little respect he has for you and what you're doing for the family. Maybe it's time for you to go back to work OP

When you are divorced, it's going to have get through his thick skull that he'll be doing a lot more childcare than he is currently.

OP, don't put up with this. The man is an abusive prick and you deserve better.

God no. It's not remotely you, he sounds awful!

This is controlling.
Play him now at his own game, get as much information while hes out photocopy and hide, earnings contracts bank statements as much as you can.
Plan your escape, as time goes on this will get worse.
Just bite your tongue and plan...

Well we don’t know that. The op has said he doesn’t work full time but whether he has specific things/calls that need doing that day is unknown.

given he is supposed to be working I think you need to ask him if he can look after the children rather than just tell him that that is what is happening

Because going by the OP his 'work' seems to take up no time at all

Yes, exactly this.

Please leave him, and then enjoy your child free time which usually works out at every other weekend and half the hols for co-parenting right?

I can't understand a successful business that requires such little input from him or his business partner for a start

But he's treating you very badly.

Do you have family support at all?

Yes so awful playing golf with his work partner and spending time drinking with him after. OP said this is a friend not a client.

And if he can find time for himself during his "working day" when he doesn't actually seem to be working very much at all, then he should be able to find an hour or two to look after his own children.

Crap. It’s his company. He can set his own hours within reason.

His response is that I need to get it though my ‘thick skull
Nasty twat.
Ok, if you don't go out by yourself during work hours if he's working and can't look after the kids then, do you go out when he finishes?
Because I bloody would be.
Be like see ya and go off out for tea with a friend or off to the cinema or something

He's running a business from home. I can see why he's frustrated that Op dismisses this as not really working. Obviously he needs to behave better about that, but you can't expect to leave DC with someone who's WFH.

For a one off with notice, I'd expect him to take time off to facilitate it though.

DH doesn't mind me going out with the DC. It's just when I want to go alone the arguments start
he doesnt want to be responsible for the house or children. He doesnt want to have to do the hard parenting. That’s your role. He doesnt want to have to deal with the children so he will make you going out very difficult so you dont because you wont want the hassle.

go out now. He has finished work for the day. Go for a coffee somewhere. Phone your friend on the way and ask if she can meet you there. If not take a book.

it isnt his working hours.

they are equally his children.

I find it hard to believe he supports a family of 5 with a few emails and a few phone calls then does no work for the week. It’s just incredibly unlikely.

It’s reasonable for him to set working hours and to keep them for work so he can respond to things when they come up.

You should be able to make plans the rest of the time though.

what about evenings? Are you "allowed" to go meet a friend for dinner on a Tuesday after he's "home" from work? I take your point re not being able to do child-free things on the one day a weekend as your friends aren't free then, but in my experience, most women, especially SAHMs, get their "away from the kids" time in the evenings.

I will always remember fondly my friend's DH who, after I'd asked if she wanted to take up a last minute cancellation for an event, came home from work and got home about 2 minutes before I arrived to pick her up - he was still in his suit and tie, on the couch giving the 4 month old a bottle while reading a story to the toddler! He couldn't get home earlier, but he was 100% prepared to take over 100% from the minute he walked in the door.

It's because he doesn't want to/can't be bothered to look after them. These men don't even bother hiding the contempt for your efforts looking after them, and thr kids themselves.

You should have an equal amount of time to yourself as he does- if he counts golf as 'work' he must realise that a whole day watching football means you gave a day to yourself?!

He is a shit OP.