DH won’t let me go out during ‘work hours’

I read a lot of replies on here to things and people seem quick to suggest leaving the other person as a way of resolving things. In this case - I really feel you deserve better and unless he is going to be willing and able to change - I think leaving the situation is probably going to be the only way to do it.

I would start by getting some advice - getting support and having a plan of what to do and when you are going to do it. Then, when you put it into practise - he will be able to get it into his 'thick head' you mean it.

He is supposed to be your husband and partner.

OP only you know how long you’re willing to put up with this crap for. Imagine this was your daughter in years to come, what would you tell her to do?

I wouldn't be at all grateful. I'd expect to be regarded and treated as an adult, an equal and someone to show respect to. He'd hate being married to me.

But the OP didn't book it during his golf time? She booked a lunch at a time she knew he wasn't playing golf and he told her she needed to get it through her thick skull he wasn't looking after his children.

What do you understand that as? Because I understand it meaning he's an abusive controlling arsehole

Well gosh, isn't he just the biggest arsehole going?
Utterly selfish. How revolting.

Abusive prick.

Get back into work. Put your children in childcare.

Divorce him and take half.

You deserve at least EOW to yourself.

His ‘thick skull’ comment says it all. How dare he!

Tell him you need him to pay for one’s days childcare for all the kids and to get it through his “thick skull” that you need some time for yourself in order to not have a mental breakdown and/or selfishly consider divorcing him.

Was about to post something similar. Wtf's going on, have we regressed?

I would suggest paying for childcare one day a week so you can also have some time to yourself!

Why did you have kids with this tw*t???

He's a controlling piece of shit. Leave the bastard and get a good lawyer.

Men like this do not deserve to have wives, kick the fucker out.

Just offering solidarity OP. I thought you were writing about my partner until I checked the number of kids.
For what it's worth he's a cunt. It is definitely not you, and I hope you get your lunch with your friend

Yes this.

If he was in an employed role and had to work in the office he wouldn't be able to look after your kids, so you'd have to accept that WFH meant no childcare while you are supposed to be working in that scenario.

But he works for himself, so that doesn't apply.

His language and attitude sound horrific.

Go back to work OP. Don't rely on this man.

And his work aside, why are you 'asking' to do things in the evening. You tell him, and go out.

DH doesn't mind me going out with the DC. It's just when I want to go alone the arguments start

*Let me rephrase that for you

"My DH thinks that the children are my sole responsibility and that he shouldn't have to take care of than alone ever"*

Jesus Christ. Are men getting worse? The longer I'm on MN and the more I read of abusive bullshit like this the more I hate them.

No OP. YANBU. He is. I'm m sorry you're married to such a cunt.

That's abuse and control, how dare he speak to you like that. Please consider going back to work yourself, so you are prepared to leave him if he doesn't seriously change his behaviour. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you are solely responsible 24/7.

Separate issues. I wouldn't expect my husband on v short notice to be able to watch the kids for two hours during a work day, unless I absolutely knew he had nothing on, same as he wouldn't leave the kids with me for two hours during my work shift when he's on child duty. I'd be surprised if a successful company could keep going on some phone calls and emails a week so I imagine there is a bit more to it than that; even very established businesses don't really run themselves to that degree.

But he talked to you like you were a piece of shit on his shoe and it sounds like he's a prick in general who doesn't do anywhere near his share of looking after the kids so you can have your own life outside the working day. Personally I'd stick the kids into childcare, tell him to pay for it and have a day or two to myself during the week instead!

Op, this isn't a loving, caring, equal partnership. This isn't a relationship in which you have each other's backs, support what each one brings to the running of the family. It doesn't sound like he really likes you much, I'm so sorry.

OP, I think tbh I would just tell him that you are going. Tell him you are telling him and that you aren't asking his permission. Then tell him you will be going out child free once a week with your friends. He is seriously taking the piss.

My DH ran his own business but would often meet me in town straight from his office to take baby DD home to bed (so I could have a child free evening with best friend who lived in town). He'd be all suited and booted, with laptop bag slung over one shoulder and baby DD cuddled in his arms. He was perfectly fine with this because, you know, he loved his daughter and loved me.

@Clymene and @User13579367337 I understood that as him networking/entertaining business associates rather than doing his hobby - which could be reasonable I think. The football thing is completely unreasonable though. And the fact that he is ok with the OP going out with the kids but not without at other times is a red flag. At the least, a conversation needs to be had about equal access to free time.

Dump him Op
You deserve better