DH won’t let me go out during ‘work hours’

Your husband is abusive and controlling! Leave

Anyone remember this delight? This is how it turns out OP

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3702687-Can-someone-properly-explain-why-my-DH-thinks-this

He’s horrible OP.
My husband works out of the house and is often gone for work trips, and he makes sure he watches our children so I can have child free time any evenings or weekends I want it. We have a really equal share of who goes out without the kids on evenings/weekends and I’m a SAHM!

Your husband is being an abusive prick. Golf isn’t work if they are also drinking and client golf trips do not take 2 days a week, he’s taking the absolute piss out of you and I suspect he’s actually a crappy Dad who can’t cope with the children.

Please go see your friend! He can f right off.

This. Your marriage sounds like a prison sentence. Look at the Freedom programme.

It's not okay, OP.

I'd be poking this cunt right in his fucking balls. Divorce. Take half. Live a peaceful life. Utter controlling prick.

You're in a gilded cage, OP. He sounds absolutely awful, tbh. Is he OK as long as you do everything he tells you? He's certainly not right on this - I could understand if he was working, but he sounds really lazy, tbh. Why aren't they growing their business?

Traditional is not a synonym for controlling and arsehole. You're worth more than this.

@rippedjeansniceshoes is there any kind of a cultural aspect at play here ?

Ahhhh your poor husband. I feel quite sorry for him actually, because the ONLY outcome of this is your wearing his bollocks as earrings.

This will not get better. The arrogant dick thinks it’s fine, to treat his wife like at best, an employee.

This op. If he doesnt learn they will always play up. And even if they do, so what?

so you are also not allowed out of the house during your free hour? You have to stay in your bedroom? what would happen if you walked out of the house now? Surely there is a starbucks somewhere near you?

He wants your world small. Ask yourself why
This. The longer this goes on, the more you think it is normal, the harder it is to recognise what it is, the more difficult it is to leave.

go out on sunday. All day. Go out every evening from 5pm until 10pm. Go to the gym every morning until 9am. If you cant, if he gets angry, if he stops you, you know.

What a useless lazy excuse of a man! I couldn't stay with a nasty controlling misogynistic guy like that. Since when does golf amount to work?! Idiot!

@InOffice I'm sorry I disagree. Unless they are in the golfing industry or running that bar , it's very unlikely it's work - OP hasn't said what he does- I'm going to bet £50 it's something that doesn't involve constant networking with the same person or drinking at the bar.

Next time, don't ask him... TELL HIM. Tell him that you're going out, so he's in charge of his children. I'd start doing it regularly. Fair enough if he is actually working, and can't watch three small children, but it sounds like this isn't likely. How would he react if you said you were going out on the weekend? (When he won't be "working") Would he also say you couldn't go then?

He's not traditional.

He's controlling

The 'chat' you need to have is with a solicitor, not your husband

You are being emotionally and financially abused

'Allowance' indeed. Half of his is yours.

If he's working Mon-Fri, 9-5 you'll have to assume he's working 'out of an office' so not really at home to leave the kids with. So, under that logic, start interviewing nannies - the more expensive the better so you can have your life back. If he's such a tycoon of industry, doing deals on the golf course, it will be peanuts to him! Plus I'm sure all his big wig clients all have nannies so you'll be doing your part to help him project the image of success! I'm sure a few cost-projections later, he'll get it through his 'thick skull' and you'll have all the time you need for yourself :)

He doesn't want you to work in paid employment because he wants to control you.

He doesn't respect your work in the home.

He wants you to be grateful for scraps.

Disgusting man. Get angry OP. Speak to a lawyer

And how well do you think that would work with a man like that?

Do you really think he'll quietly agree and become a reasonable husband and father?

The only person who cant cope is him.

He wants your world small. Ask yourself why

'Clearly can't cope' is it? Because you want to meet some friends without the kids in tow. What a gaslighting piece of shit.

I am going to bet that his golf playing/ whatever other hobbies he gets up to in 9-5 Monday to Friday have sod all to do with work of any kind either.

I would basically be leaving him with the children for 3 hours on either a Saturday or Sunday every week to do whatever I wanted- be it shopping, gym or sitting in a bar reading a book if I wanted. I was married to someone like this in my 1st marriage who simply didn't think I needed free time- ever.

No no no! Your update is even worse, he allows you an hour! He is an abusive controlling wanker, emotional and financial abuse. You need to leave him, take half his business, regain your independence and make him look after his own children.

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

Get on childcare.co.uk right now.
Find someone to sit for you at your house and go on the lunch.

I'd also start looking for childcare options more generally one or two days a week.

Shit like this boils my blood and is why i will NEVER be a sahm

If they act up with him he probably needs more practice. I'd ramp up the heading out on the day his football isn't on at the weekend.