DH won’t let me go out during ‘work hours’

I really hate when people on here shout ‘LTB’ so flippantly and with no context. But honestly, there’s no context needed here. Leave him.

There does seem to be issues and he is unreasonable in lots of ways but I don’t particularly think him saying he can’t look after the children during working hours so that op can see a friends for drinks is one of them; he needs to work.
if he runs his own business then golf could very well be work if he is talking business/making deals etc whilst playing.
he does however need to facilitate her going out and seeing friends outside of working hours.

You have every right to expect him to look after his children whilst you go out with your friend for some much deserved 'me' time. Completely selfish and unreasonable for him to say what he said. Golf being 'work', what planet is he on? He sounds very selfish to me. You need to address this or you will end up feeling resentful which will only get worse

What was the outcome op ?

You posted this months ago, didn't you?

He's an abusive fuckwit.

Of course you deserve time alone.

He acts like he doesn't like you, let sone love you.
You deserve better 💐

Is he a drug boss if secretive and only works a few hours a day.Maybe he is having an affair when he says he is playing golf .

No you need a break

This is the best comment I've read today 😆

Anyone using 'thick skull' at me, will result in 'fractured skull' on him. He sounds controlling and selfish.

@rippedjeansniceshoes there is a solicitor on Facebook that has free open sessions. I don't know if you can go anonymous or not but you could make up a fake profile to keep yourself safe and get the advice you need

Solicitor

OP are you actually married? If so then leave him? You will be much better off financially if you do - this is as others have said coercive control! You being at home saves your family budget thousands of pounds - you should have access to this to make up for the loss of earnings you are enduring. As others have said this man is a prick. This is no way to live! You aren't a child with an allowance? He gets to play golf for days at a time and you get one hour a day? If you don't leave him you will end up hating him and your kids and your life. Even leaving him for a while so he can wise the f up? You deserve better and you know it. That's why you posted! Good luck. Major change ahead!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/thirty_days_only/4885822-i-need-to-divorce-my-husband-but-dont-know-how

I think in your shoes I would actually step away from the attempts to talk to him to get things better. I don’t think that’s possible, so think you need to let him think he’s ‘won’ so he’s less suspicious whilst you gather the financial information you need to secure the best financial result for you, and minimise chance of him hiding assets (very common when self employed). Then once everything is lined up, leave them tell him you have.

Agree with others to call someone like Women’s Aid (can you do this from your mum’s house?)

Good luck - it’s not you, it’s him.

Oh this. I mean what he is adding to your life other than stress? What an asshole speaking to you and behaving like that.

You should be getting equal free time to go and do whatever you want.

Please do talk to women’s aid. He is abusive. You know it.

Controlling and emotionally abusive.

DH is employed 3 days and self employed two days a week. When he's on his S/E days I definitely take advantage of the fact that he's around to help with school pick ups, jobs I want him to do, and sometimes - things for me. Tomorrow he is dropping me to a lunch meeting with old friends so I can have a glass or two of wine, and will pick me up. (I am a SAHM/part time employed evenings and from home).

Obviously I wouldn't ask if it impacted on his business but things are usually flexible.

He wouldn't dream of speaking to me like your husband. I'm sorry, but your H doesn't respect you to talk like that, and also should want you to have some 'me time'. If he was really busy then fair enough (provided you had time off at evenings and weekends) but he sounds like a complete tosser!

Jesus op I just caught up with your updates.
Please don't show him this thread. I think it would put you in danger.

Please talk to women's aid. He is 100% abusive. They can help you make a plan. Don't do anything rash.

But please plan to leave.

Wow what a nasty way to speak to his wife!

I do understand that golf with business partner and associate is part of his working day. Some of us are lucky to have “work” which is enjoyable and doesn’t seem like work. But if it necessary to do as part of his business then yes it is work.

However, you’re not asking a lot! A couple of hours off is all. You don’t get annual leave or flexitime like a lot of working people. Your “job” is bloody hard work and his isn’t. He could have said “yeah sure, I’m not too busy on Thursday. Go and meet your friend.” With the agreement that he won’t be able to do this every week but now and again is fine.

What a wanker! Can you afford to put the kids into childcare one day a week so you get a day to yourself? I love my children to bits but we all need a break!

You have had so many wise and supportive comments. Please really read them and listen to these experiences. These posters will be with you every step of the way. You now have a huge support network.

This.

OP, do take care of yourself.

You deserve to be happy.

@HarpieDuJour is 100% correct.

All of this, I'm afraid.

OP women here have experience of all of this - the patterns, the behaviour. It's all quite sadly predictable.

You can't expect that he will improve. Ever. Lovebombing is part of the abuse. Makig grandiose promises is also. Unfortunately he is far more likely to worsen.

What matters is his actions. Punching walls. Insulting you. Isolating you. Shouting.

Please contact police and/or Women's Aid. They will be able to help.