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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP didn't come home last night

208 replies

sundaysareafunday · 27/08/2023 09:35

DP went out last night, absolutely fine, he would normally be back midnightish but know this can be sometimes like 3 when him and his friends have a good time and end up at a club. I don't sleep great when he is out as I'm sort of waiting for him to come in and aware he hasn't. Called a couple of times at around 3.30 and he called back shortly after, said he was fine they'd all gone back to a friends house and he'd be home shortly. He messaged at 5.30 to say sorry he'd fell asleep, back shortly. It's now 9.30 and still not back. I assume he's fine and managed to get a lot more sleep than me, I feel like I haven't slept at all. I don't think there's any funny business happened and he is just on a friends sofa. We have lunch out today booked with some of his family though, AIBU to now not go, I feel and look horrendous and slightly peeved at his selfishness as I'm nearly 20 weeks pregnant and he knows how I worry if he stays out all night, luckily it's only ever happened once before.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 27/08/2023 10:57

How often does he go out and get drunk?

pictoosh · 27/08/2023 10:55

CattyCattle · 27/08/2023 10:42

How is it taking the piss that he fell asleep when drunk after a night out at his mates but also stayed in touch. Genuinely wondering as if a bloke threw a hissy fit at me doing that I'd dump the controlling wet blanket.

Quite.

crosstheriver · 27/08/2023 10:53

How old are you both? I wouldn't be impressed with a guy any older than his mid-20s getting off his face as standard. Staying out until 3am wouldn't bother me if it was pre-arranged, but getting that drunk would be a real turn-off.

I wonder if he is trying to get things out of his system before the baby arrives. I wouldn't be massively impressed - you can hardly stay out until 3am drinking yourself, both because you can't drink and because you're unlikely to have the energy to do that carrying another person with you.

Does he understand how hard being pregnant is? Does he appreciate you enough, or is he just focused on how life is going to change for him, hence partying like a student?

If, for some reason, you find the late nights and drinking acceptable, the solution is to tell him to crash at a friend's so you know for sure he won't be coming back, and you don't stay up listening out for him.

If you're too tired to go to the lunch, don't. No one is going to get upset with a pregnant woman blowing off plans at the last minute because she's too tired. But you do have to talk to your DP about not putting you in this position again. Either he behaves like a responsible adult, or he stays with a friend.

Ohyesreally · 27/08/2023 10:51

Can people not go out and have a good time without getting completely shit faced? Surely you get to a certain age and you just grow up and mature out of stumbling out of pubs/clubs/takeaways. Embarrassing.

babbscrabbs · 27/08/2023 10:46

sundaysareafunday · 27/08/2023 10:30

@Clymene and the PP who mentioned drugs - he categorically does not do any sort of drugs having lost a couple of his friends a long time ago to it. It's purely alcohol, way too much of it.

Alcohol is a drug, one that kills more people than any other drug, just saying.

Iknowthis1 · 27/08/2023 10:46

You need to learn to sleep when he's out. You're not his mother.

CattyCattle · 27/08/2023 10:42

How is it taking the piss that he fell asleep when drunk after a night out at his mates but also stayed in touch. Genuinely wondering as if a bloke threw a hissy fit at me doing that I'd dump the controlling wet blanket.

Ellie1015 · 27/08/2023 10:39

I think he was in touch and sometimes nights to continue if having fun so as no concerns about safety, drugs or cheating I would not be worried.

If you are genuinely too tired to make lunch then don't go. But I wouldn't link it to him being out all night as he is unlikely to have known it would have affected you so much it is a bit unusual. I wouldnt sleep well but maybe 10% less than usual so i wouldnt be tired enough to miss lunch.

"Sorry dh i am shattered I wont make lunch today" rather than "i have been up all night worrying about you so not going to lunch as I am tired"

doitwithlove · 27/08/2023 10:37

@dhilez He is a grown man .... Who should NOT be taking the piss.

YOU know nothing about my marriage split so please jog on .........................

AInightingale · 27/08/2023 10:36

Sort of get the feeling this guy is scared of the prospect of becoming a dad. How old are you both, because it sounds like he is trying to fit a lot of partying into these 9 months - does he often stay out to 3 am while you sit at home?

dhilez · 27/08/2023 10:35

doitwithlove · 27/08/2023 10:27

Assuming he is still not home, maybe he is having a full english & won't need lunch !!

Having taken the piss with staying out all night which was only decided after midnight I would be totally irked by his actions.

Some people do not sleep well when waiting for a partner or child to come home. I personally would be awake worrying of all the things that may have happened. That is the way my brain is wired.

My exh did this one too many times, not answering his phone whilst out enjoying himself. He found the door bolted on arriving home, I can't imagine he was too impressed at having to get the night bus around London to keep warm and have a sleep 😂

I’m sure he’s very relieved that he’s your ex!!

dhilez · 27/08/2023 10:33

Usual controlling weirdos on here….

He’s a grown man who stayed out with his friends. You’re a grown woman, if you can’t sleep that’s on you.

As for the people saying staying out with your friends must mean drugs or sex 🙄

mummylon2 · 27/08/2023 10:30

What would his reaction be if you went out for a night and just didn't come home? You're right to be annoyed.

Original poster
sundaysareafunday · 27/08/2023 10:30

@Clymene and the PP who mentioned drugs - he categorically does not do any sort of drugs having lost a couple of his friends a long time ago to it. It's purely alcohol, way too much of it.

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 27/08/2023 10:30

Just if he'd said even at 3.30 he wouldn't be home would have been better

Then I think you (as the non-drunk one) could also be the one to say stay out, you're keeping me awake waiting for you to come back. In future, you both need an agreement that he'll stay out so there's none of this crap to deal with. You don't want to be phoning him at 3.30 and he's unreliable so anything he's says in these situations is meaningless.

WandaWonder · 27/08/2023 10:30

Yes he should have texted but you are not his mother, I would have gone to sleep so you can't blame him for that and I am not sure what being 20 weeks pregnant has anything to do with it?

tennesseewhiskey1 · 27/08/2023 10:29

Yabu and overreacting. And stop trying to punish him by skipping the lunch.

Violetparis · 27/08/2023 10:28

I think some of the responses on here are very harsh. I would not be impressed with my partner behaving like this.

Clymene · 27/08/2023 10:28

Mamette · 27/08/2023 09:46

I would just go to the lunch. But when he comes back say, “look- you’ve messed me around here, I had no sleep, you could have just said you were staying over at Dave’s”.

Realistically his days of doing this are about to come to an end once the baby arrives.

GrinGrinGrinGrin

A guy who stays out all nights doing drugs with his mates when his partner is 20 weeks pregnant isnt going to suddenly turn into a saint once the baby arrives.

viques · 27/08/2023 10:27

I would go to the lunch anyway. If he doesn’t turn up you can tell them why. If he does turn up encourage everyone to SPEAK VERY LOUDLY and choose food he doesn’t like!

doitwithlove · 27/08/2023 10:27

Assuming he is still not home, maybe he is having a full english & won't need lunch !!

Having taken the piss with staying out all night which was only decided after midnight I would be totally irked by his actions.

Some people do not sleep well when waiting for a partner or child to come home. I personally would be awake worrying of all the things that may have happened. That is the way my brain is wired.

My exh did this one too many times, not answering his phone whilst out enjoying himself. He found the door bolted on arriving home, I can't imagine he was too impressed at having to get the night bus around London to keep warm and have a sleep 😂

Original poster
sundaysareafunday · 27/08/2023 10:27

Thanks all, very mixed responses. I'm not annoyed of him going out, staying out at a friends. Just if he'd said even at 3.30 he wouldn't be home would have been better so I wasn't expecting him to roll in any minute.

OP posts:
Tonightsthenight91 · 27/08/2023 10:24

Crap of him OP. And I’d be really annoyed too. If he doesn’t have form for it I’d probably just let it be known I wasn’t happy at all and then move on. Go and enjoy your lunch - it’s Sunday! 😋

melmos · 27/08/2023 10:17

Can't believe these responses - absolutely don't go to lunch you're pregnant with his child and he didn't come home last night. Also it's his family.

All nighters normally mean drugs or sex or both.

NewName122 · 27/08/2023 10:16

Yabu. You didn't sleep, that is on you. Don't be petty.

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