DP didn't come home last night

A sad loss I'm sure. I'm very lucky my friends aren't so judgmental. Try it some time, you might feel more comfortable without that stick up your arse.

He should have just told you he wasn't coming home, I go for all-nighters even though I'm a mother sometimes, I just make sure they know not to wait up for me etc. So yes he's at fault for not letting you.

How often does he do this? A few times a year is different to once a month etc.

@foolishone

Male or female, makes no difference to me. I couldn't be friends with anyone that thinks wasting money getting pissed and staying out till all hours is a great way to live.
It's such a sad waste of a life. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don't be ridiculous!

Personally, I wouldn't be with anyone who objected to me having my own life with all nighters if desired.

Fuck that bullshit.

She knew where he was, that he has probably fallen asleep again. How do you send a text when asleep? It is not a regular occurrence. He is an adult and allowed to go out and go with the flow and be spontaneous and change his plans and even fall asleep again without asking for permission.

I can see when there are children involved it would not be fair to leave the OP to deal with them alone, but that isn't the case so they should both enjoy their freedom while they still have it. My dc is an adult now and I love having my freedom back and have changed my plans during the evening/early morning and stayed over at a friends. dh knew I was at friends house and it was likely I had just stayed over, he coped with no drama!

If you don't feel like going for dinner because you are tired or you don't want to see his family or you don't want to see him, then don't go. And if you can't be arsed texting him to tell him you're not going, so be it.

He obviously doesn't believe in social obligations, so that frees you from yours.

If he still wants to go out clubbing and stay out all night then he's too immature to be having a baby.

look at all the flying monkeys here with yabu. defending the guy who can't even send a text. do you think he'd be cool with her jamming off? NOPE. UGH. bunch of 1950s housefraus.

What about women? Are they allowed to?

Asking for a friend.

I wouldn't be too happy at him staying out all night but I wouldn't miss a lunch out as I love food tbh.

Why are you putting up with this shit OP?

I can’t stand the sort of men who think going out ‘till all hours and getting wasted on alcohol is acceptable, so I wouldn’t want to be having a baby with such a selfish prick if I was in your shoes.

Is he planning to change when the baby’s here? I think you need to prepare yourself to be the one taking responsibility for doing all the parenting with this prize specimen. ☹️

Why have you jumped straight to this when the OP clearly said the reason she doesn’t want to go is because she’s tired, having not slept very well ?

@melmos not necessarily. Me & my friends of both sexes have managed to do all nighters without taking drugs or having sex outside of our relationships on numerous occasions

OP you're entitled to feel cross with him and i wouldn't have slept well not knowing if/when he's coming home or if he's even safe. Sounds like he drank excessively which rarely ends well.

I would 100000% not being going to a family lunch after this selfish behaviour, not because i'm punishing him but because I'd be shattered. I'm 8 months pregnant and i know how elusive sleep is. Take care of yourself

Realistically his days of doing this are about to come to an end once the baby arrives.

you hope. My dh was/is like this. I just cannot sleep when he is out. Hes a liability and trouble finds him because he gets so drunk. I worry about him getting mugged. Falling asleep in the cold etc. he did it to me when i was heavily pregnant and went out to a city he was unfamiliar with, got lost from friends, calling me, absolutely slaughtered. Then his battery died and I couldn’t get hold of him. He got back eventually no fucks given until he realised he lost his phone in the taxi. Nightmare. I just dont sleep when hes on a night out.

Considering you’re 20 weeks pregnant, I think he should have decided beforehand if he was staying at a friends house. He must have know you would wake up wondering where he is, so its going to give you a disturbed night not planning this in advance.

But dont let it ruin your day - just tell him next time to be abit more of a grown up and let you know in advance. Sleep is going to be even more precious in a few months time.

I see that the problem was the he said he'd be back shortly twice. And neither of the times he had made no effort to actually come back. If at 3.30 he would have said that he's gonna be staying at his mates and come back I'm the morning then that would have been fine.

People are drawing a lot of conclusions about the future based on what seems like a rare occurrence. We just had a night out with our hobby group. 20 of us, age 19-40, some single some married some parents some everything in between, some left at 1am before the bar, some 4am and some went to the after party and got home 8am. I walked home at 4am. We just had a great time. I don't think youncan draw conclusions without a knowledge of a pattern

If I didn't have kids this wouldn't bother me but I would expect him to get himself up and be in top form for family lunch (or at least convincingly faking it)

Decent grown-ass adults, when going out for a late night, give a rough eta of their arrival home. If that time gets pushed back, they then send a text saying 'go to sleep, am staying at Dave's, see you in the morning.'

Shitty grown-ass adults don't contact and don't arrive back when they say they will.

Even shittier ones will do that and then whine about being 'controlled', and it's not fair, and they're never allowed to do anything, and everyone is soooo meannnnn.

I know which kind I'd rather be with.

At 20 weeks pregnant with his baby you cant go out partying all night, so where is the solidarity? Where is the support, where is the love in this behaviour? Is this what its going to be like from now on, your baby your problem. Im off to have a laugh and fun and do what I want, and you cant. There is no way Id be going to lunch with his family unless I really wanted to. And Id be very concerned about how this person is going to behave once the child is born.

20 weeks pregnant and he's out all night ? Sounds like a great catch! Good luck

She didn't sleep because of her own anxiety. It's really really unfair to stop someone doing what they want to do (obviously not abuse/law breaking) because of your anxiety. It's controlling. There is nothing wrong with having a night out, going back to your mates for more drinks and food and falling asleep. Getting shit off your partner and them cancelling plans with your family because you fell asleep at your mates is pretty shitty behaviour.

Why can’t he stay out?

He’s an adult.
He shouldn’t have a curfew and be banned from staying out.

Its different if he had kids and needed to care for them but he doesn’t need to stay at home to care for a grown woman.

If my DH said I wasn’t allowed to spend the night away from him I’d absolutely end the relationship.

Urgh, can't believe some of the unkind and unhelpful responses early in this thread.

OP, you're 20 weeks pregnant and had very little sleep due to his selfishness and being inconsiderate. I'm a super light sleeper and don't go to sleep properly until dh is in bed too, so I get you. I need a lot of sleep or I'm super grumpy and irritable, so I'd probably be too shattered to be good company at a lunch out today too.

I hope he's been very apologetic and you catch up on your sleep.