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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP didn't come home last night

208 replies

sundaysareafunday · 27/08/2023 09:35

DP went out last night, absolutely fine, he would normally be back midnightish but know this can be sometimes like 3 when him and his friends have a good time and end up at a club. I don't sleep great when he is out as I'm sort of waiting for him to come in and aware he hasn't. Called a couple of times at around 3.30 and he called back shortly after, said he was fine they'd all gone back to a friends house and he'd be home shortly. He messaged at 5.30 to say sorry he'd fell asleep, back shortly. It's now 9.30 and still not back. I assume he's fine and managed to get a lot more sleep than me, I feel like I haven't slept at all. I don't think there's any funny business happened and he is just on a friends sofa. We have lunch out today booked with some of his family though, AIBU to now not go, I feel and look horrendous and slightly peeved at his selfishness as I'm nearly 20 weeks pregnant and he knows how I worry if he stays out all night, luckily it's only ever happened once before.

OP posts:

ImABox · 27/08/2023 18:53

@sundaysareafunday i completely understand why you got no sleep. I have no problem if I know DH is going to be out all night, it’s the not knowing a time and listening out/not sleeping/worrying about being woken up that is far more disruptive.

Womencanlift · 27/08/2023 18:51

Coffeetree · 27/08/2023 18:11

No one with any sort of normal life would sleep soundly when their partner was still out at 4 or 5:30, especially if they said they were just on their way and just... didn't show up. To not worry about someone in those circumstances -- that's actually really dysfunctional. Anyone normal would be concerned.

Some of you are really telling on yourselves.

Show quote history

A normal life is saying I will probably be asleep when you come in, see you in the morning, have a nice night. Not staying awake until they come in and certainly not texting them to see where they are so that you would know that they said they were on their way

MN relationships are very far away from normal

2chocolateoranges · 27/08/2023 18:36

Until I came onto netmums I didn’t realise that once you got married and had children the fun nights out and drinking alcohol all had to stop! You’d think by some of the replies on this thread we all had to turn into stepford wives.

just to add OP, I’m glad things turned out well and that you had a lovely afternoon.

Coffeetree · 27/08/2023 18:34

Yeah "having a life" is not texting yiur partner at 5:30am to say you're on the way home, then randomly arriving five hours later. That's actually pathetic.

FrenchandSaunders · 27/08/2023 18:30

Christ some of these people who don’t have a life once they’re married/with kids!! 😳

Coffeetree · 27/08/2023 18:25

Yes, long as he's comfortable and well-rested. 🍪

foolishone · 27/08/2023 18:23

pictoosh · 27/08/2023 18:09

He came in at 10.30 well-rested and apologetic, without a hangover and proceeded to enjoy a lovely lunch out with you and the wider family with no further issue? He needs to stop that sort of shit.
Heh.

Yeah what a prick. Definitely LTB. 😄😄

Coffeetree · 27/08/2023 18:23

What would be his reaction if you went out for a girl's night out, and then texted him at 5 that you were just on the way home, then didn't actually show up till 11?

That would just be cool? He'd tidy and do laundry and not text you?

Original poster

sundaysareafunday · 27/08/2023 18:16

@Floweryx123 I'm not sure who you are talking about as it certainly isn't me. DP is welcome to go out every evening and all weekend if he so wished and does go out regularly but not until the early hours. My comment of being pregnant was more just the fact he knows how tired I can get, I'm not looking for sympathy or even see myself as "heavily pregnant" I've been very lucky to not have anything to moan about during this pregnancy except the tiredness at times.

But everyone is entitled to their opinion of whether I'm BU or not, just some of the attacking comments are not entirely necessary.

OP posts:

Ghosttofu99 · 27/08/2023 18:13

It’s all very well to say op is BU if she happens to have an easy pregnancy but being kept up all night if she has a risky pregnancy or has been very unwell would put any normal person off of wanting to go out for a social event the next day.

Coffeetree · 27/08/2023 18:11

RedHelenB · 27/08/2023 17:42

But he didn't. She could have gone to sleep like an adult, there was no need to worry he's a grown man.

Show quote history

Some of you are really telling on yourselves.

pictoosh · 27/08/2023 18:09

Mamette · 27/08/2023 18:07

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 27/08/2023 16:47

D’you reckon? Plenty of previous posts on here disprove this.

Show quote history

I’m not sure- when I posted that I had the impression from the OP that this was a one-off and I guess what I meant by “doing this” was “embarking on open-ended nights out”.

But since then other posters have implied that this is a recurring issue with this particular man, which is a bigger problem yes.

Coffeetree · 27/08/2023 18:06

AutumnCrow · 27/08/2023 17:27

It's a strange thing on MN, that the posters trying so hard to sound uncontrolling and cool end up coming across as really bloody bossy and, well, controlling.

You win the thread.

Attack of the Cool Wives up in here.

I hope OP ditches the loser. Imagine the lovely peaceful night not waiting for someone's crusty son to come stumbling through the door.

Floweryx123 · 27/08/2023 18:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster

sundaysareafunday · 27/08/2023 17:59

Blimey, wasn't expecting to have this many responses.

@Floweryx123 I think you have me mistaken for someone else, I've never posted regarding this before and like I said it's NOT a regular occurrence otherwise I wouldn't moan about it if I put up with it often.

To put things straight - I am absolutely not giving him a curfew, I'm not banning him from going out all night and staying at a mates I was just hoping he'd have had a little more respect to let me know with a quick message. Anywho, he rolled in around 10.30 this morning, extremely apologetic once I explained how I felt and it's forgotten about. He, annoyingly had more sleep than me and woke with no hangover, but we had a lovely roast out and I'm heading home to have a long bath and start binging a new series, to change this longggg thread if anyone has any good suggestions hit me up!

OP posts:

AutumnCrow · 27/08/2023 17:49

It is not a regular occurrence.

Apparently it is, @NoTouch - see post above from @Floweryx123:

You POST this every couple of weeks and it's always "DH didn't come home last night'. It would help you get better help from here if you can preface your threads with 'again' or "I have posted about this before.'

QueenBitch666 · 27/08/2023 17:47

Cosycover · 27/08/2023 10:07

Does he do coke?
Because I don't believe the whole 'fell asleep' excuse.

First thing I thought of too

RedHelenB · 27/08/2023 17:42

scrantonelectriccity · 27/08/2023 09:48

I don't think she's trying to punish him by not going for lunch she's just too tired to go due to his selfishness keeping her up all night!

But he didn't. She could have gone to sleep like an adult, there was no need to worry he's a grown man.

BeggyMitchell · 27/08/2023 17:37

aurorauk · 27/08/2023 15:50

look at all the flying monkeys here with yabu. defending the guy who can't even send a text. do you think he'd be cool with her jamming off? NOPE. UGH. bunch of 1950s housefraus.

😂

AutumnCrow · 27/08/2023 17:31

5128gap · 27/08/2023 10:59

Do you think it could possibly have been due to the fact that you don't worry about people you've never met not showing up at the expected time, because you've never met them, so wouldn't expect them to show up at all?
Or that people you've never met don't get into bed with you at some point in the night, so you can settle knowing you wont be disturbed by these people you've never met...? Just a thought.🤔

Show quote history

AutumnCrow · 27/08/2023 17:27

It's a strange thing on MN, that the posters trying so hard to sound uncontrolling and cool end up coming across as really bloody bossy and, well, controlling.

Mehmeh22 · 27/08/2023 17:16

When did he arrive back then?

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 27/08/2023 16:47

Mamette · 27/08/2023 09:46

I would just go to the lunch. But when he comes back say, “look- you’ve messed me around here, I had no sleep, you could have just said you were staying over at Dave’s”.

Realistically his days of doing this are about to come to an end once the baby arrives.

D’you reckon? Plenty of previous posts on here disprove this.

Labgo · 27/08/2023 16:27

anyolddinosaur · 27/08/2023 15:56

If he still wants to go out clubbing and stay out all night then he's too immature to be having a baby.

Ridiculous, it's possible to do both, in moderation.

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