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AIBU?

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Original poster

to dislike being called tall?

208 replies

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:18

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2023 09:35

How tall is your DP/BF/DH? As long as you are happy with his height I think you don't need to worry about what others say/think.

What has that got to do with anything?!

Taxiii · 27/08/2023 09:35

YANBU to not like it, that's your perogative.
And yes, I teach my kids that we don't comment on people's bodies, it's rude.

But as you're not particularly tall, why do stupid, offhand comments from short people bother you to this extent?

It'd be like someone telling me I'm tiny at 5'3 - no, I'm not.

madeinmanc · 27/08/2023 09:34

I agree with @SoftPillowAllNight, that's not unusual at all in the younger generation.

Blossomandbee · 27/08/2023 09:34

Same height roughly and I've often had the same too. I never liked it either. I've had family come up to me before and comment what a 'big girl' I am. For a woman I don't think it's complimentary at all.
My DC are tall, one of my young DD's gets it all the time at school. Even her teacher at school has gone on and on about it and she's now really self conscious.

TeacheeTeacherson · 27/08/2023 09:34

You need to get some of these business cards to hand out to anyone who comments! 😁
I am 5ft7, and get lots of comments about being tall. I don’t really mind but do find it odd as I am above average but not unusually tall. I’m 37, so not from an older generation who might have a lower average height. You should take up netball, that will make you feel like a short arse! 😂

to dislike being called tall?
Original poster
Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:33

FloweryName · 27/08/2023 09:27

My initial reaction was that it’s a bit of a trivial thing to worry about but I’ve changed my mind, you are right.

We teach children that it’s not nice to comment on other people’s appearances unless it’s to pay a compliment. You are being called tall in the same way some people are called skinny as if it should be acceptable because those things are supposed to be desirable, but actually they are both just rude comments on other people’s bodies. YANBU

Thanks :)
Yes, exactly this. I’ve spent my life having to write it off as “trivial” even though to me it was unpleasant. When I’ve later thought about the reverse “you’re short”, or like you say “you’re skinny” etc, it feels very rude.

OP posts:
NewName122 · 27/08/2023 09:33

I say that meaning it as a compliment. Being short is not something to compliment someone over.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2023 09:32

It’s just a comment-people say odd things just to have something to say. I’ve had, ‘you’re shorter than I thought you were!’ which bemused me!

Next time someone says that you are tall, say-well, not compared to <insert someone taller> but everything is relative, I guess!

SoftPillowAllNight · 27/08/2023 09:32

How tall is your DP/BF/DH? As long as you are happy with his height I think you don't need to worry about what others say/think.

I'm 5,7 and have been the 'tallest girl' on most occasions in my life. Recently my DD overtook me and I'm meeting more and more young women who are taller than me. I no longer feel like I'm 'tall' just 'average'. 5.8 or 5,9 isn't very tall, it's just slightly over average (quickly becoming average with the next gen).

VeridicalVagabond · 27/08/2023 09:32

My 15yo daughter has taken after her dad and is tall, 5'10", and she does respond in kind when people comment on it.

"Gosh aren't you tall?"
"Maybe you're just short?"

"Wow you're tall"
"Wow you're ginger".

Tends to stump people a bit but I've never told her off. If they're going to comment on her body unsolicited I don't see why she can't do it back. It is rude OP.

Matchinglipsandfingertips · 27/08/2023 09:31

I am 5'10". I have never wanted to be shorter. Slimmer yes.
Personally I don't think you are that tall. I have a 6'6" son and people always assume he is a basketball player (he is).
People are rude.

Just laugh it off, they don't know what to say.

FWIW very short men either like tall girls or insult them. SMS.

twoshedsjackson · 27/08/2023 09:30

If I can be bothered, I feign astonishment.
I'm 5ft 10, and I guess one of the reasons that I grew out of teenage self-consciousness was that I taught younger children, so being surrounded by folk shorter than myself was the norm.

FlamingYam · 27/08/2023 09:30

It's definitely seen as a desirable trait (though not actually desired by many) so I wouldn't be insulted by them. Interesting that it's men pointing it out to you! Strange how people act about something you have no power over.

I understand how you feel. My mum is 5.10 and has comments a lot. Never negative from women but she doesn't like it. Not negative in nature from men but said it a negative way, if that makes sense.

I always thought I was average height at 5.5/6 but recently had some short people tell me I was sooo tall with big comments when I wore heels. I responded that I was literally average and they were short which sparked a debate. 5.3 is now average (or was 2 years ago) I've always wanted to be shorter and I am not tall.

Rather than telling people tall is desirable, we should stop the conflicting info and acting like cute and small is the female best.

TheYadaYada · 27/08/2023 09:29

Is that tall? I’m the same height. (5’8.5)

I love it if people say I’m tall, but it’s very rare and only very short people have ever said it.

It’s a compliment!

SylvanianFrenemies · 27/08/2023 09:29

I'm tall (a few inches taller than you).
People comment on it, either because they have no filter, or they see it as a positive. It really isn't with being upset over.
This seems to be more about your self esteem in general - can you work on that in some way?

Darhon · 27/08/2023 09:29

I’m similar height. I get that a bit, especially meeting colleagues who I met online and now see in person. I’ve never minded being tall
though, so I’m fine with it to be honest.

pandarific · 27/08/2023 09:29

Same height, always had the same, always hated it. It’s so rude to say imo and has the undertone of ‘look at the too-big weirdo’.

Fuck off.

TaniaBania · 27/08/2023 09:29

It’s intended as a compliment. Definitely don’t reply “and you’re short” - that would be like saying “and you’re ugly” to someone who called you beautiful.

I agree it’s better not to comment on appearance at all unless invited to, but try not to overthink it.

Longtalljosie · 27/08/2023 09:28

Some people take women’s height personally and can be extremely hostile. It’s hard to explain because it’s all about the tone. If you ever call them out on it they call you insecure and blather on about models.

Original poster
Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:28

Wellhellother · 27/08/2023 09:22

As someone who is the same height, I think you are massively overthinking this

It’s more a genuine question as to why it’s ok to say “you’re tall” but feels inappropriate to comment on any other bodily feature? Not something I think of daily or anything, just happened yesterday and thought I’d put it out there! I don’t lose sleep, but it annoys me at the time.

I guess if you’re someone that enjoys being a bit taller, so enjoy the comments, or doesn’t get comments, then you wouldn’t consider it.

OP posts:
ConcernedCatmother · 27/08/2023 09:28

I get it OP, but ultimately the problem lies with your insecurities regarding your height rather than what is being said. If you loved your height simply, these remarks wouldn’t be taken in a negative way. You can’t control what other people will say (I agree remarking on others body is annoying) so the best way forward is to build up your self esteem regarding your height.

KimberleyClark · 27/08/2023 09:28

I’m 5ft 2 and don’t really like being called a shortarse. Which I have been.

SoIinvictus · 27/08/2023 09:27

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:25

That’s absolutely dreadful. What is wrong with some people?

Show quote history

I know. I met the teacher (male) some years later (after I'd graduated) and he was all gushy and complimentary about how he knew I'd do well etc and I just wanted to punch the twat.

FloweryName · 27/08/2023 09:27

My initial reaction was that it’s a bit of a trivial thing to worry about but I’ve changed my mind, you are right.

We teach children that it’s not nice to comment on other people’s appearances unless it’s to pay a compliment. You are being called tall in the same way some people are called skinny as if it should be acceptable because those things are supposed to be desirable, but actually they are both just rude comments on other people’s bodies. YANBU

Original poster
Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:26

FrenchandSaunders · 27/08/2023 09:19

You aren’t that tall! My DD is 6ft and she hates the tall comments

Exactly, I don’t think I’m that tall, yet still people think it’s apt to comment?

I sympathise completely with your friend!

OP posts:
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