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AIBU?

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Original poster

to dislike being called tall?

208 replies

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:18

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

OP posts:
HennyPenny1234 · 27/08/2023 09:53

I'm tall and I've had comments in the past

I think a lot of people see being tall as a positive so that's why they think it's okay to comment

My mum said that you wouldn't go up to somebody and say you've got a really big nose or, you're really ugly

It's seen as okay to comment on somebody who's tall though

Would you go up to a man you've just met at a social gathering and comment on his bald head, no. It's okay to comment if somebody is tall though

ShineBright1209 · 27/08/2023 09:52

I’m 5’1’’ and often get comments on being short especially since 2 of my children are now taller than me (they’re 13 & 11).
If anyone else need to get into the drivers seat in my car they always comment on how close the seat is to the pedals. I just laugh and tell them I’ve got short legs and need to reach the pedals somehow.
I never take it personally and am now often the first one to make the comment before others saying something like ‘yes I know I’m a short arse’.
If I was you I’d probably make comments similar to ‘I know I’m tall but it comes in handy when trying to reach the top shelf in the supermarkets’.

Chenford · 27/08/2023 09:52

It’s really interesting how many people say ‘you should take it as a compliment’

I can’t think of any films or TV shows where a female love interest is taller than her male partner. In fact, it seems more ‘desirable’ in main stream media generally to have a petite woman and a big strapping bloke who can pick her up and carry her over the threshold.

It’s not exactly seen as ‘optimal’ to have a woman several inches taller, is it?

C8H10N4O2 · 27/08/2023 09:51

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:41

Hmm, I’m inclined to disagree about tall being a compliment. If it was phrased as “oh I’d love to be tall, you look amazing” or similar, that’s clearly a compliment (I would still not enjoy it being pointed out, but it’s phrased in a positive light) however simply stating a characteristic of someone, which could easily be a dig from someone who doesn’t like you, isn’t complimentary.

Tall is some people’s ideal of beauty, but not everyone’s. So it can’t simply be taken as a compliment when made as an observation. This is why I feel it’s rude, insensitive and inappropriate to say.

Show quote history

It most definitely isn't usually a compliment, any more than comments about being short, wearing glasses, having "frizzy" hear, freckles or any other physical characteristic.

And for young teens there are the delightful sniggers from the staff in shoe and clothes shops as they laugh at the idea of shoes over size 7 or under 3 or wanting trousers that at least reach your ankles.

I usually put it down to people being too thick and ignorant to come up with anything interesting to say. The same people rarely come up with useful comments on anything else.

Hairly · 27/08/2023 09:51

It’s not that tall

HamishTheCamel · 27/08/2023 09:51

It's just something people say. My DD is 6 foot and hears it all the time! She doesn't seem to mind. Embrace your height OP.

Original poster
Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:49

heatherheathe · 27/08/2023 09:43

But people DO comment on other bodily features just not to you because you don't have them!

As a short person believe me people comment on it all the time!
Same when I had glasses. When my sister had adult braces. My friend who is very skinny, another with red hair and one with loads of freckles and another who has a limb missing.

It is very rude to comment on someone else's appearance but it honestly is not something that only happens to you (or just to tall people!)

Show quote history

I didn’t say no one comments on other features, I clearly said that it’s rude to do so…. but for some strange reason people feel that saying you’re tall is acceptable. At no point have I suggested this only happens to me, I’m not sure whose posts you’re reading but it’s not mine…

OP posts:
Flossflower · 27/08/2023 09:49

Wellhellother · 27/08/2023 09:22

As someone who is the same height, I think you are massively overthinking this

Yes both my daughters are taller than OP. They don’t give it much thought. Clothes always look better on them.

Tonightsthenight91 · 27/08/2023 09:48

It would get right on my tits OP. I am 5’6 and get told I’m “tall” by people much smaller than me and even that annoys me. My partner who is 6’4 thinks I’m short (which compared to my 6’7+ siblings I guess I am) so I suppose it’s perspective.

However it’s always the vertically challenged that have so much to say about it - and always such unsolicited comments!

mintbiscuit · 27/08/2023 09:48

I’m 5ft 9 and I love wearing heels (which make me 6ft +)

I never take it as an insult because I don’t believe that’s the intention of the comment.

EmmaPaella · 27/08/2023 09:46

I’ve had this all my life from two (shorter) close relatives. I am 5’7”! And the ensuing discussion about where in the family it has come from. And then I had children and it started all over again. It made me feel really self conscious and I hated it. I hate any aspect of my appearance being scrutinised. As a kid I just wanted to blend in and I still do as an adult!

Tessisme · 27/08/2023 09:44

I think some people just struggle for conversation. I imagine most of them mean it as simply an observation (albeit unwelcome) or as a compliment. I'm 5'7", so just a bit over the average and for some reason I get asked 'what height are you?' I don't know whether people are trying to decide if I'm tall or not, but it's a bit weird and not something I would ever dream of asking anyone!

iamwhatiam23 · 27/08/2023 09:43

Im 5"9 and used to get those comments all the time and I absolutely hated it! My DD is 6ft and she hates it as well! I honestly don't know why people feel the need to say it, I wouldn't say to someone " oh aren't you fat" or " oh aren't you short".it's just rude!

heatherheathe · 27/08/2023 09:43

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:28

It’s more a genuine question as to why it’s ok to say “you’re tall” but feels inappropriate to comment on any other bodily feature? Not something I think of daily or anything, just happened yesterday and thought I’d put it out there! I don’t lose sleep, but it annoys me at the time.

I guess if you’re someone that enjoys being a bit taller, so enjoy the comments, or doesn’t get comments, then you wouldn’t consider it.

Show quote history

But people DO comment on other bodily features just not to you because you don't have them!

As a short person believe me people comment on it all the time!
Same when I had glasses. When my sister had adult braces. My friend who is very skinny, another with red hair and one with loads of freckles and another who has a limb missing.

It is very rude to comment on someone else's appearance but it honestly is not something that only happens to you (or just to tall people!)

Claricestarling1 · 27/08/2023 09:41

I’m 5ft8 and I’ve had the same comments..nearly always from (shorter) men. On occasions it’s felt like negging to me. Very odd thing to say to someone and I agree I’d never dream of saying that or aren’t you short? to anyone!

Original poster
Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:41

NewName122 · 27/08/2023 09:33

I say that meaning it as a compliment. Being short is not something to compliment someone over.

Hmm, I’m inclined to disagree about tall being a compliment. If it was phrased as “oh I’d love to be tall, you look amazing” or similar, that’s clearly a compliment (I would still not enjoy it being pointed out, but it’s phrased in a positive light) however simply stating a characteristic of someone, which could easily be a dig from someone who doesn’t like you, isn’t complimentary.

Tall is some people’s ideal of beauty, but not everyone’s. So it can’t simply be taken as a compliment when made as an observation. This is why I feel it’s rude, insensitive and inappropriate to say.

OP posts:
AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 27/08/2023 09:41

As someone nearer the short end of 5", I've made similar comments

When people make you feel tiny it's hard not to as you look up at them

It's an observation, it's not being said rudely and the issue is more your own insecurity

I know the "new" thing is to compliment things that the person controls: "I love that outfit", "the way you've done your hair looks amazing", "your always so happy" rather than "have you lost weight, you look slimmer?", "You're so tall, I wish I was taller", "you've got pretty eyes". But I think that the first can also be taken badly and the second set can boost some people's confidence so it's really a very delicate situation all round

PosterBoy · 27/08/2023 09:40

It's in the same category as 'your hair is beautiful ' 'you look amazing' 'I love your dress'

You seem to be putting it in the same category as 'you're bald' 'you're fat' 'that dress looks frumpy '.

It's often considered nice to compliment people (see group one comments). It isn't considered nice to be rude or say hurtful things to people (see group 2 comments).

Poivresel · 27/08/2023 09:39

I'm thin and used to get comments about needing to eat more, I'd slip through a drain cover etc.
I found the best thing to do is own it.
A) you take back control
B) The people who say it are often jealous and deliberately trying to make an unkind comment so agreeing with them throws them.

Next time say yes, aren't I lucky and then look the guy up and down making it obvious your assessing his lack of height.

Peamock · 27/08/2023 09:38

I'm 5'11 but I love being tall, I don't get comments that often but when I do I just say yes I am, or thank you. I also don't comment on others bodies, but as we can only control our own actions I don't bother getting offended by what other people say as what's the point really? I also don't feel the need to make a comeback comment because seems a bit pathetic to me.

lljkk · 27/08/2023 09:38

I'd banter back if speaker was short.
Increasingly I don't object to comments about bodies. The more I read that belief on MN, the less i can support it.

Original poster
Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:37

VeridicalVagabond · 27/08/2023 09:32

My 15yo daughter has taken after her dad and is tall, 5'10", and she does respond in kind when people comment on it.

"Gosh aren't you tall?"
"Maybe you're just short?"

"Wow you're tall"
"Wow you're ginger".

Tends to stump people a bit but I've never told her off. If they're going to comment on her body unsolicited I don't see why she can't do it back. It is rude OP.

Hahaha! That made me smile! Good for her, give her a fist bump from me!

I’ve never wanted to risk being the “rude one” even though by all accounts they started it!

OP posts:
TLDRfuckers · 27/08/2023 09:36

I know you hate it but honestly I’d love to be considered tall. I even think if I was tall I’d wear higher heels just for the hell of it and damn all the comments! I can but dream.

Beanscene · 27/08/2023 09:36

I'd absolutely love to be taller.. am short skinny and not curvy and have had horrible comments in pas about my body... Look like a child!.. Real men prefer curves!!... etc etc etc. Now I just simply don't care.... You get one life and one body enjoy it.

Robinbuildsbears · 27/08/2023 09:35

Average height for a woman in this country is 5ft 4. So 5ft 9 is actually quite tall. I'm sure everyone makes similar comments about how short a 4ft 11 woman is.

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