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AIBU?

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Original poster

to dislike being called tall?

208 replies

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:18

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

OP posts:
whoisjoe · 27/08/2023 10:43

I’m 5ft 10 and I’ve also had this all my life. Nowadays I respond with something sarcastic like “really? I’ve never noticed?!” It used to bother me, as height is something you can’t change about yourself - but now I just put people in their place by making them feel daft 🤣

electriclight · 27/08/2023 10:42

Tall is considered to be desirable so I think that's why people feel that it's ok to say it - like complimenting an outfit or saying you've got great hair.

I suppose some people can't cope with any sort of comment about their appearance, not even a positive comment, but that's so unusual that it's their problem to work through or endure imo and you can't really expect people to instinctively know that they're going to offend you if they say anything at all about your appearance.

Completely different to commenting on being short, fat, bad hair, ugly etc as all broadly considered to be unwanted characteristics.

heatherheathe · 27/08/2023 10:41

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:49

I didn’t say no one comments on other features, I clearly said that it’s rude to do so…. but for some strange reason people feel that saying you’re tall is acceptable. At no point have I suggested this only happens to me, I’m not sure whose posts you’re reading but it’s not mine…

Show quote history

you literally said "It’s more a genuine question as to why it’s ok to say “you’re tall” but feels inappropriate to comment on any other bodily feature? "

Which is why I responded explaining that YOU might think it feels inappropriate to comment on other bodily features but the vast majority of the population don't agree and DO comment on other bodily features, you just wouldn't be aware of it if you don't have those bodily features!

You could say the same about lots of things...for example a few years ago if I heard a friend complaining about how often she gets compliments about her 'lovely curly hair' I would have thought she was being OTT as people were just being nice...having learned more about racial micro-aggressions etc. I understand why (even if meant with good intentions) repeated comments, requests to touch said hair etc. can be upsetting/annoying.

Or "you're so skinny' - being slim (like being tall) is generally considered a positive thing, but as posters have explained doesn't mean it's always welcomed to be pointed out all the time.

I don't know why you're so focussed on 'people shouldn't comment when others are slightly taller than average because it might hurt their feelings' rather than 'commenting on any aspect of someone's physical appearance could potentially be unwelcome'.

dizzydizzydizzy · 27/08/2023 10:41

I'm slightly taller than you and have never minded. However I do kind of know where you're coming from. All my life I felt self conscious about my feet because they are size 9. It was impossible when I was growing up to buy shoes in the high street in that size in the 80s. About 10 years ago, my friend said to me that big feet are good for swimming and that was the first time I had ever thought happy or pleased with my feet.

Personally I like being tall. Much better in a crowd.

Alargeoneplease89 · 27/08/2023 10:39

I'm tall and honestly I think you should be more proud, I wear heels and can be the same height as my DH 6ft 4 in them - I don't care about the comments - lots of models are tall. Embrace it.

HalloumiDarlin · 27/08/2023 10:38

I’m 5ft 10 and I’ve always had “aren’t you tall?” and “what’s the weather like up there?” comments and just ride them out. It is a mild annoyance! The only time I really resented my tallness was in my late teens, when I was out in a noisy nightclub for the first time with two friends (both 5ft 3-4) and felt a bit excluded as I couldn’t hear a word they were saying unless I bent down and got them to holler in my ear! Meanwhile they could chat really easily to each other as their faces were at the same level.

I don’t think YABU OP to not want personal comments about your height. I do think most people see it as a compliment and not a negative thing though.

Devilsmommy · 27/08/2023 10:37

I'm 5'7 and I get this. Suppose because average height for female is 5'4

totallyaddictedtocheese · 27/08/2023 10:35

I'm 5ft 8 and used to hate when people pointed out how tall I am. As a teenager I was so self conscious about it and it felt like I was constantly being reminded of how big I was. As an adult it doesn't bother me as much now and I'm a lot more confident in my own skin.

I wish people would be more aware about how making comments on another person's body can affect their confidence. Especially as a child/teenager.

Guineapig123 · 27/08/2023 10:34

For some reason people seem to think it is acceptable to comment if people are tall or skinny. I had a v tall boyfriend (6ft 9) and literally everyone used to ask what the weather was like, or if he played basketball. Equally I had a very very slim friend and people used to comment on it all the time.
i think it is because people think it is desirable to be tall and/thin. If they were commenting they were short or fat it would be seen as incredibly rude!
Having said all that I think you just need to let it wash over you if people do comment, just smile and nod.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 27/08/2023 10:32

And I got “ I didn’t realise how big you were” bloody rude bastard

ThreeLittleDots · 27/08/2023 10:32

No I don't aspire to be a shitting model, fuck off and stop commentating on people's appearance!

Shady23 · 27/08/2023 10:30

AfraidToRun · 27/08/2023 10:10

I'm quite a bit taller, I used to get random people stop me in the street to point out how BIG I was.... just being called tall would have been much nicer.

I got that
"Oh you're a big girl aren't you"
First I'm not a girl, I'm a full grown woman and yeah, I'm built like a power lifter

ThreeLittleDots · 27/08/2023 10:30

I'm 5' 10" and size 10, and also get annoyed by people feeling they need to comment on the bleeding fucking obvious.

It says more about their own insecurities, than you.

Ivyusername · 27/08/2023 10:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JaneJeffer · 27/08/2023 10:23

Poor Grandma

ActDottie · 27/08/2023 10:22

Wellhellother · 27/08/2023 09:22

As someone who is the same height, I think you are massively overthinking this

This

RoomOfRequirement · 27/08/2023 10:22

I constantly hear that I'm short/small/tiny - constantly.

The difference is being tall is trait people want, so usually say it out of jealousy as a compliment and being short is 'not good', so they say it as a criticism.

JamSandle · 27/08/2023 10:21

I mean, you are tall. It's a good height...height for modelling for example.

StopThatBloodyNoise · 27/08/2023 10:20

Develop a thick skin and don't take any notice - I'd love to be tall. I'm 5ft 1 and people say "Aren't you short", as though I don't know. My eldest granddaughter is taller than me. My eldest son is 6ft and has to crouch to hug me.

Marezydotes · 27/08/2023 10:19

I was tall as a child and I'm tall now. At primary school there were two of us with the same name so I was always referred to as Big Marezy which pissed me off royally. The other girl was always Little Marezy, and was treated like a tiny precious fairy (to be fair, she was very under-average height. And blonde) while I was treated like a hefty oaf who always had to play male parts in plays (mixed school btw but I was taller than all but one of the boys), always put in goal at sports, and always the first one to be made to help out with physical jobs like moving PE equipment and furniture. I was basically Hodor in a gym slip. 50 years on the memory still rankles.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 27/08/2023 10:18

I’m talk as well and feel your pain. People feel they have the right to mention it. Just bloody rude .

TheWayoftheLeaf · 27/08/2023 10:18

That sounds annoying. My sister is 5ft and does actually get a lot of 'god you're tiny aren't you.'

She also finds it irritating.

Aprilx · 27/08/2023 10:16

I am just over 5ft 8. I was tall at age 13 and didn’t like it then because I stood out. But other than for a couple of years around then, I have always loved my height, I think it is the best thing about me physically!

I have met women that are taller than me, but I am definitely taller than most women that I have met. I used to work with a woman who was about 5ft11 possibly even 6 ft and it felt very strange to be looking up to speak to a woman.

I expect people think it is ok to comment on your height is because being tall is generally considered desirable. I would be more annoyed about being called a girl.

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 27/08/2023 10:14

My manager called me a giant the other day. I said I hope you are referring to my height. I am 5"8 pretty much on the nose so absolutely no giant, not even a Hagrid type duel heritage giant.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/08/2023 10:13

Whilst you're right that we should never comment on anything about anyone ever lest it be considered inappropriate or offensive, the general consensus seems to be that desirable traits are fine so the difference between "aren't you tall" and "aren't you short" is the intention to compliment/ offend.

However, assuming you're not 6, "aren't you a tall girl" to a grown woman is just yucky

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