Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dislike being called tall?

208 replies

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:18

Brief context: I’m between 5’8 and 5’9, so above average but not some kind of giant, have suffered a lifetime of bullying (though not necessarily about height) and am also naturally self conscious.

I’ve found some people make comments about me being tall. My ex’s grandma (from a family of wildly below-average height people) once simply said to me at a Christmas gathering “aren’t you tall?”

I didn’t know her, probably met her maybe twice? We’d never held a conversation with one another other than to say hello. I felt it was unnecessary and a bit insensitive.

Yesterday I was at a wedding as my boyfriend’s plus 1 (his sons wedding). I didn’t know anyone, never met them before. We were conversing with another couple, who my bf had known for many years. At one point, the man in the couple (not very tall himself) made a comment along the lines of “you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed. I was wearing heels (always as low as possible because of being conscious of myself and NOT wanting to look too tall) so slightly above my usual height. (Not the case at the Christmas gathering situation above).

In both these situations I feel it would be inappropriate for my reply to be “and you’re very short aren’t you?”, and it would be even MORE offensive for me to bring it up out of nowhere “gosh, aren’t you short?”

Is it just me? I think that any body-related comments are completely inappropriate: mentioning someone’s height, weight, hair colour, or literally any other defining characteristic. Especially when you don’t know the person from Adam?!

I find it honestly bizarre and insulting. I realise this probably isn’t the intention, but you’ve no idea how people feel about themselves. Anything more than a generic “you look nice” (if you really MUST comment on appearance) feels inappropriate to me.

There have been other instances too, but this recent one just made me want to ask other’s opinions?

OP posts:
Ladyofthelake53 · 27/08/2023 12:17

Im 6ft 6 ft 2 with heels, i used to care but now i dont, its usually shorter men that comment i usually give some acidic reply shuts them up

TrishM80 · 27/08/2023 12:13

Wednesdayweekday · 27/08/2023 09:57

Explain how “you’re a tall girl” is even remotely comparable to “you look amazing”, “your hair is beautiful” or “I love your dress”?

It isn’t. It’s comparable to “you’re a short guy”, “aren’t you thinning on top?” or “you have a belly overhanging your belt” all three of which are simply factual observations. None of which would seem appropriate to say to someone.

Show quote history

Are you that obtuse that you can't see that being tall is seen as a desirable physical feature (as opposed to being short, being fat, being bald) which is why people comment on it?!

NIparty · 27/08/2023 12:09

AfraidToRun · 27/08/2023 10:10

I'm quite a bit taller, I used to get random people stop me in the street to point out how BIG I was.... just being called tall would have been much nicer.

Yes! "Oh, you're a big tall girl!" If you really must comment, just use tall.

aSofaNearYou · 27/08/2023 12:07

Hibiscrubbed · 27/08/2023 11:57

Who gives a shit that some posters ‘get similar comments’ and they don’t care…?! The OP does. And people should learn to not comment on other people’s bodies, in any way.

Well that's the point of the thread, isn't it.

PosterBoy · 27/08/2023 12:07

Dotcheck · 27/08/2023 11:10

Wtaf?
Calling someone short is the same as saying ugly?

I’m short (5’1) and people tie themselves in knots to avoid saying I’m short.
I am short. It’s a description, not a judgement.

OP, perhaps find a stock response, like ‘hmm, yes. So, how is aunt Joan doing?’

Show quote history

Sorry to break it to you, but yes, short is considered as a negative. That's why people tie themselves in knots to avoid saying it. Did you never wonder why?

Hellsbellsandspidersankles · 27/08/2023 12:06

”you’re a tall girl” or similar. No reason for it, and didn’t sound malicious, but I just felt wildly uncomfortable, and a bit annoyed
This is an extreme reaction?!
Do you think being tall is a negative thing? (You’re not that tall, anyway)
If he’d said fat I could understand your discomfort, but a comment on someone’s height shouldn’t be upsetting at all.
Imagining it to be potentially malicious says more about your own hang ups, really.

NIparty · 27/08/2023 12:04

PosterBoy · 27/08/2023 09:40

It's in the same category as 'your hair is beautiful ' 'you look amazing' 'I love your dress'

You seem to be putting it in the same category as 'you're bald' 'you're fat' 'that dress looks frumpy '.

It's often considered nice to compliment people (see group one comments). It isn't considered nice to be rude or say hurtful things to people (see group 2 comments).

As a tall person, most of the tall comments i receive have the undertone of the second category, not the first.

NIparty · 27/08/2023 11:58

I'm 6ft and agree entirely. The constant comments on my height on a daily fucking basis is draining. 90% it's the opening thing someone says to me when they meet me. But you're not allowed to complain because apparently its better than being short! I hate being tall. I can't find clothes that fit, I always stick out, I cant hide away, I'm so self conscious about it and there's these stupid constant remarks, jokes etc even when people think they're being complimentary. I think people saying YABU aren't tall and don't know what it's like. Just don't comment on other people's bodies. It's rude.

Hibiscrubbed · 27/08/2023 11:57

Who gives a shit that some posters ‘get similar comments’ and they don’t care…?! The OP does. And people should learn to not comment on other people’s bodies, in any way.

ShouldIbeLeftWithLess · 27/08/2023 11:52

I'm 5'10. Have had comments all my life. It used to bother me as a teen until I discovered a new friend the same height and she gave me the confidence to wear heels etc. So much so I met DP who is 2 inches shorter and I never said I'd be with a shorter man!

Funnily enough it would be women of your height OP that would annoy me the most with comments such as "I feel so short" and "omg you're taller than me". I now know this was their insecurity talking.

Overall it doesn't really bother me anymore and sometimes I bloody love being tall!

I think it depends on your environment sometimes as well. One place I worked at previously was full of much shorter women, many of whom would mention my height.

I work somewhere else now with people of all heights and so I don't feel I stand out so much. I think!

Mumblesomething · 27/08/2023 11:41

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. The people commenting probably view is as a neutral observation, but having something repeatedly mentioned can make people feel self conscious.

It’s a pity some people are posting comments on this thread that could make below average height people feel bad about themselves.

LadyChilli · 27/08/2023 11:36

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 27/08/2023 09:41

As someone nearer the short end of 5", I've made similar comments

When people make you feel tiny it's hard not to as you look up at them

It's an observation, it's not being said rudely and the issue is more your own insecurity

I know the "new" thing is to compliment things that the person controls: "I love that outfit", "the way you've done your hair looks amazing", "your always so happy" rather than "have you lost weight, you look slimmer?", "You're so tall, I wish I was taller", "you've got pretty eyes". But I think that the first can also be taken badly and the second set can boost some people's confidence so it's really a very delicate situation all round

People don't "make you feel tiny" by existing as a tall person. It's not fair to say they somehow earned your personal comments.

CrunchyCarrot · 27/08/2023 11:29

I'm 5'10.5" and definitely have had the 'aren't you tall!' comments but honestly they didn't bother me, they always seemed complimentary not said in any derogatory way.

AbraKedavra · 27/08/2023 11:27

There's a difference between negative comments and positive. It's not rude to mention characteristics that are generally perceived to be desirable.

Perhaps some people have sensitivities about those characteristics, so it might be a good idea not to mention anything about others' bodies. But that's developing extra sensitivity to other people. It's not the baseline.

I'd put matter-of-fact comments about being tall, in par with comments like 'you look nice' or 'you have pretty eyes/gorgeous hair' an so on.

aSofaNearYou · 27/08/2023 11:18

Personally I think you are being oversensitive. I am a similar height and have always had these comments - it's very obvious it isn't meant as an insult. It's not something that's culturally thought of negatively.

Yes in an ideal world people would make zero comments about another person in case that happens to be something they are unconventionally sensitive about, but I couldn't get worked up about this personally.

livinglifetothefull · 27/08/2023 11:12

You are way over thinking it .
I'm 4f 11inchs I love my height I've had all sorts of comments but it really doesn't bother me at all .

Dotcheck · 27/08/2023 11:10

TaniaBania · 27/08/2023 09:29

It’s intended as a compliment. Definitely don’t reply “and you’re short” - that would be like saying “and you’re ugly” to someone who called you beautiful.

I agree it’s better not to comment on appearance at all unless invited to, but try not to overthink it.

Wtaf?
Calling someone short is the same as saying ugly?

I’m short (5’1) and people tie themselves in knots to avoid saying I’m short.
I am short. It’s a description, not a judgement.

OP, perhaps find a stock response, like ‘hmm, yes. So, how is aunt Joan doing?’

MasterBeth · 27/08/2023 11:10

FloweryName · 27/08/2023 09:27

My initial reaction was that it’s a bit of a trivial thing to worry about but I’ve changed my mind, you are right.

We teach children that it’s not nice to comment on other people’s appearances unless it’s to pay a compliment. You are being called tall in the same way some people are called skinny as if it should be acceptable because those things are supposed to be desirable, but actually they are both just rude comments on other people’s bodies. YANBU

I don't think skinny and tall are equivalents.

Skinny isn't a compliment. (Slim is the compliment.)

Tall is, at worst, descriptive and neutral, but most often used in a complimentary sense.

I can imagine being self-conscious about height if people kept referring to it and I was 6'4" or something (although I know plenty of confident 6ft + women), but I couldn't be very bothered about being called tall at 5'9" or whatever.

BlondeScarySpice · 27/08/2023 11:09

My DD is 5’10” and if anyone comments on her height she tells them that she’s “taller than the average man” it usually shuts them up.

Badbudgeter · 27/08/2023 11:03

I’m 5 11 and have had the tall comments since I was 14. I was really self conscious when I was younger but have embraced my height now. I’d just come up with a few easy responses.

Only in comparison to you since you’re a short arse. ( said cheekily to diminutive friends and acquaintances

Not really you’re just short for a man. (In response to you’re tall for a woman)

Yes isn’t it interesting how each generation gets taller( older relations)

Blah de blah

Theeternalrocksbeneath · 27/08/2023 11:03

I’m 6’2”. It’s had its challenges, especially when I was young and very self conscious about it. Everyone who meets me has to comment on my height, and it is immensely annoying but I rarely say anything.

I’ve only once, that I can recall, snapped back at someone. Years ago a lady said “god I’d hate to be as tall as you” which fucked me RIGHT off, so I replied that I’d hate to be as fat as her, I’m cringing as I write this as it wasn’t my finest moment - she immediately burst into tears and cast about for sympathy but she got none, and was told she shouldn’t have made a shitty remark to me.

I actually take pride in my height now and have accepted that the comments just aren’t going to stop. I can let them bother me or just ignore and for the most part I just let it wash over me.

99point6 · 27/08/2023 10:59

YANBU. Being a tall woman is not always seen as desirable trait. Many (not all!) men don't want a partner that is taller than them. It is not unheard-of for them to be in denial about their height. I've seen it in my younger days. "I am 6 foot", bollox you are I am barely 5" 11' and can see over your head.
Not to mention practical difficulties with height. Hospital beds too short. Hotel showers at neck level. Airplane and bus seating.

Sunnysal · 27/08/2023 10:57

I'm turned 70 and just over 6ft. . I was like a giant amongst lilliput people. Never heard the end of it!

kw1091 · 27/08/2023 10:53

I’m 6ft1 and have had it all my life. It’s SO boring. Such a weird thing to say. Some people say it as a compliment “you’re so lovely and tall” or “I’d love to be tall” but often it’s not it’s just “you’re tall” and often from men you can sense there’s aggression behind it. I find it so completely bizarre, I wouldn’t comment on any aspect of anyone’s appearance. I’ve started responding to it with “you’re observant”.

Pip1402 · 27/08/2023 10:49

I agree with you op, I don't understand why people feel the need to comment on appearance at all. It's weird and often makes the other person feel self-conscious.

I think a good response would be to just smile proudly, say 'yes, I am' and then move the conversation on. As you say, being called tall isn't automatically a good or bad thing but you can shape it with your response.

Swipe left for the next trending thread