To have told him I want a divorce

Stay strong, you are doing the right thing for you and your children. However, when things settle down, try and rebuild a relationship between him and his kids as ultimately its for their benefit although he is not really considering anything but himself at the moment. Be the better person (as you have throughout).

Good grief. I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you.

It's not easy to change your mindset. These things take time. As always, keep your eyes on the prize.

@RandomMess is right about grey rock technique (or yellow rock - look them up). Practising emotional detachment is something that needs to be worked on and gets easier with time.

He wants to insert himself into your newly-independent life. The bottom line is that he can bugger off. That's why you're divorcing him. He no longer gets a say in any of that.

He is using other people, like his sister, as "flying monkeys", sending them in to do his dirty work. Ignore all of them. It's none of their business.

Stick to your guns. Stand by your kids. Take no prisoners. And you're doing really well by the way.

You need to absolutely grey rock.

That you will DD available for contact but you will not force her to go with him and that you understand if he wants to take it to court so CAFCASS can be involved.

He is being unreasonable, no you don't have to go with him and chat nicely, yes if you see him you must be polite for the childrens sake but you are getting divorced. He is hoping you will cave or at worst show his kids how unreasonable you are (which is not true).

This situation with your DD, was me as a child. My Mum was honest and accommodating with my Dad and when I went to Dads he guilt tripped us. As a child its difficult and I loved my Dad but he was asking me to do and say things I wasn't happy with and so I avoided going as I didn't want him to be disappointed with me....that created problems with me and Dad and my siblings who wanted to go to Dads and he pulled the "if she doesn't come, you can't come routine! Me and my siblings were fine when we were with Mum, but the arguments all revolved around Dad. He loved us and felt he was being short changed by the divorce, even though it was his behaviour that was the catalyst for it. He very much lacked self awareness. As an adult I can rationalise that he very much loved us, but he was dysfunctional and did not realise his issues and blamed Mum. Don't get me wrong, part of the issue was that this went on for so long, because Mum had facilitated his behaviour by keeping quiet to keep the peace - its a vicious circle. But ultimately if someone repeatedly does something wrong and nothing is said, it does become a big unbelievable shock when they eventually they have to face it, as no-one has said anything before. So stand firm lady!

What I will say I have picked up though, is that he seems to want to spend a lot of time on activities for his son, which may unintentionally alienate his daughter further.

You are one hundred percent doing the right thing. The fact you are thinking you should stay with him for the kids sake shows your love for them, but its wrong. Do you really want your kids to grow up in that environment, thinking that this is how adults behave and what relationships are?

Sending you big hugs and please continue the updates, as I am heavily invested in this now.🥰

How are you doing @Sowhatimstillarockstar9 ? I hope you are okay and keeping your strength up.

Hang on in there. It's totally draining, I know, but find your strength and scream into a cushion.

You don't have to (and please don't) agree to any of his stupid vexatious demands. As a previous poster said, it's all about control.

He can fuck right off.

Nobody tells you what to do any more.
Your life.
Your choice.

Put the email in a folder and ignore it entirely.

Definitely the right decision. When you're out (emotionally), you're out & there's no coming back from that. Good luck & enjoy your future life.

Can your solicitor message saying there will be no further concessions or negotiations until the consent order is sorted?

You are already facilitating contact and going to family counselling, so there is a reason he hasn't brought his list up there - because it is not reasonable.

It's all about control.

Perhaps you need to accept that you are going to have to walk away from the shared ownership. Grey rock and agree to nothing. Don't even bother replying.

Good to hear from you @Sowhatimstillarockstar9 - it sounds like things are moving in the right direction. It's never easy with kids, but it will eventually settle into a pattern.

You do not have to keep facilitating DD's contact. Just make sure she is available, and if she refuses to go with him, then he will have to take that up with the courts himself. DD will be old enough to express why she doesn't want to see him, and her wishes will be taken into account.

He has a history of intimidation and bullying, so that's squarely on him.

Sorry just realised this is an old thread and my reply to OP is a bit dated.

How did it go, @Sowhatimstillarockstar9 ?

How are you getting on OP?
my ex used to be an utter dick, changing holidays at the last minute etc.
We now have an extremely rigid Child Arrangements Order setting out precise dates and times for access.
We use The Family Wizard app for communication.
My daughter was asked at 6 by the court how she would like to divide her time between her parents, then again aged 9 (dad wasn’t happy with her decision so applied to the court again). Court should ask your 10 year old.
Ex is slightly less of a dick now. Still tries to control though - he’s desperate for some control. Sad man.

Omg OP this is torturous. This will all be over for you all one day.

Keep going and doing whatever the hell you need to do.
Don't take any shit from him.

Prohibited steps order!

A prohibited steps order states that their primary residence will be with you until they are 18. I doubt how that would help with your current situation.

Daddy mistreats mummy and thats isn't how daddies treat mummies. Mummies aren't spaces are they? Mummies and daddies deserve to be happy and love one another. Daddy doesn't love or care for mummy.

A Prohibited Steps Order would outline things that your ex would not be allowed to do - it can be to prevent someone taking a child out of the country, but it could also be that he would not be allowed to collect your DC on days when he isn't looking after them or to take them our of school early without your written consent.

A lives with order would clarify the custody arrangements. I don't think the court would think it is good parenting to take a child out of school early, on a week night, to keep him out till 2am without the other parent's consent.

Sorry Op, completely misread your post. You getting the order is perfect, your ex thinks he can do as he likes, sadly you need to prove him wrong or he'll never stop

It's all part of him asserting control tactics. Demonstrating "she can't tell me what I can and can't do with my own son" and so forth.

As you say, totally inappropriate behaviour, especially on a school night as your DS will be absolutely knackered and in no fit state for school the next day.

Good that your solicitor is making an application. The courts will take a dim view of his actions. The prohibitive steps order will be to prevent him pulling shit like this in future. If he breaks the order it's a criminal offence.

Er, yeah it's mummy's decision!

Daddy is a lazy and abusive, and mummy deserves a better husband and dd deserves a better daddy. That's the truth.

Talk to your solicitor urgently Op, a prohibitive steps order covers a certain issue where your parential rights will be removed, basically he's trying to set up arrangements where you won't be able to tell him No. Legal advice soon as possible Op