To have told him I want a divorce

It's never OK to recommend staying in an abusive relationship.

If you are unhappy and you are sure there is nothing he will be able to do to make things better, then divorce is the best choice.

The other option is to try and make it work, but you both have to want to and if you choose to but it still doesn't feel right then separating will be the better choice...it's not an easy process, but then neither will trying to make it work

Do what is right for you and with regards your daughter, think about what you want her to learn from a relationship...that with time and effort it can work, or that you don't just stay with someone for someone else. She need time to adjust too if you decide to split. She will. People do.

Keep a record.. copy or screen shot or download of statement. It is considered joint assets and can be questioned as part of the divorce. He will have to provide 12 months if bank statements from all accounts in joint and own names (as will you) as part of settlement and you get to see these so you know there is a different account now and if don't get evidence can ask.
More tricky if want to make an agreement between you as he doesn't have to provide statements. This is only if you use mediation or it has to go to court to decide finances.
You are entitled to 50% minimum of all assets...house, pension, savings, items, car etc... you may get more if your needs are greater.

TBH it seems to me most replies are by the Misery Loves Co. Group. You're presented with a false dichotomy of either living unhappily with your husband, or divorcing and living happily.

Ignoring the fact that divorcing and the single life is far from a bed of roses (BTDT), and the promised bliss doesn't always arrive, you're forgetting that there's a third, optimal choice: fixing your marriage and living happily together.

While it's true that this option will take work, and in many aspects you might feel burnt out, the alternative will also take work. And in many ways fixing a marriage that once had potential is easier than rebuilding a life.

It's your life, OP, and you can do as you please. But IMO to not even properly consider 'can we make this work?' and 'how can we make this work?' is doing yourself a disservice. And frankly your children too.

Are any of the replies helping at all?

This.

Believe me his biggest and ONLY concern is himself and people knowing the truth.

Telling the truth is the most powerful thing an abused woman can do IMO.

Bullys hate the truth coming out.

Isn't weird how he was being an arsehole to you whilst he thought it was only a threat, but now you've told your children he's actually panicking and upset.

If you want the divorce, don't agree with his requests because it's only going to be harder on the children when you have had enough again and this will all have been for nothing

He's hilarious. And deluded.
Crying and begging on the one hand then shifting 7k from your account on the other 😂
Doesn't want you to regret it?

Is he really that dense that he would ask people outside the relationship if your thoughts and feelings regarding separation are valid?

He's playing such a game.

Don't look back OP.
Ducks in order asap.
Get ahead of the game.
Legal advice re finances/house/kids.

Don't let him keep spinning this woe is me take to the world.

Tell everyone the truth far and wide.

Financial abuse is a type of abuse so make sure you get some kind of recording of him saying that for if you have to go to court. As well as that, everything he’s saying is manipulative and coercive. I’d be sscretly recording conversations from now on just in case xx

The being unpredictable about paying the mortgage is just a poor excuse, if your're married it's joint money and he is only entitled to take half. Get your own account and put your money into it. This is the real him, the man who wants to bleed you dry before you leave him

Freeze the accounts (or take half and put it in a new account in your name) Please see a solicitor asap, you need to work out who’s staying in the house-do you work? I’d be sending him papers asap, he needs to understand you’re serious. Ensure your family don’t invite him to anything further and that he knows he’s unwelcome.

You don’t actually need any reason other than unhappiness to get a divorce imo. If it isn’t working, you can leave.

he sounds like a narcissist so be careful with conversations about ‘another reason’ because he’ll be trying to twist it on you. It took me three hours to break up with my coercive and manipulative ex because he just kept saying ‘no we aren’t breaking up‘ and creating reasons why there must me something else going on, that no one else will put up with me etc.

get out as quick as you can my dear! Well done for breaking the cycle! It’s still painful, but you should be proud for putting you and dc first xx

And don't be afraid to ask him about the 7k he has taken from the account and demand to know where it is.

You will need to start creating a paper trail and being forensic about where the assets are. Also make sure that you have put a flag up with the land registry that you have an interest in the house. (This is the kind of man who takes his wife's name off the deeds.)

He will be compelled to produce statements for all accounts for examination during the divorce. (But still, this relies on him disclosing all accounts.)

If you have not already instructed a solicitor, then I would do so asap and commence proceedings.

I could be wrong, but I seem to recall that you might be entitled to legal aid if you are divorcing an abusive situation.

Take your half of money from all joint accounts, do it right now.

Please put a freeze on any joint bank accounts and make sure you have opened an account of your own if you don't already have one. Same goes for all credit cards and any other sources of cash.

This is all part of "the script" when a man sees his wife is serious about leaving. He will be hiding money left right and centre, and will also try to stop you accessing the funds you need to proceed with the divorce.

You will also need details of any pensions and investments.

There you go... he has shown his true colours... a sign of whats to come... get yourself ready.... ducks in a row etc....

No, I don't think you can. Happy to be corrected though. If its a joint account either of you are entitled to remove funds. I'd clear out the rest of it while you have the chance tbh.

I'd tell him that HE made this decision when he decided that he didn't care about whether you were happy in the marriage.

He had a chance to change things and decided he'd rather go back to you being unhappy rather than pull his weight and let you have a life outside of basically being his maid.

He had warnings, he had chances and he didn't take them because he doesn't give a toss about anyone but himself.

If he cared that much about being with his kids full time he should have stepped up like a man and been a father when he had the chance.

Stop focusing on the domestic abuser. Who cares what he says. Be proud-yes, it is my choice, there is no excuse for misogyny and domestic abuse.

Tell him he is only to speak to you about child arrangements, his food, his laundry is his problem, leave the room when he thinks you’re stupid enough to listen to his drivel. Get the kids counselling, having an abuser for a father does huge amounts of harm and he’s freely using them as pawns to target you. Tell everyone about his violent acts, and his use of the kids to abuse you further, everyone.

He really is a piece of work isn't he, a piss taker and a coward.