To have told him I want a divorce

He really isn’t putting their needs first . I think you need to get your financial ducks in a row. He’s playing games with your family finances . Whilst he’s away get as much financial information you can about shares , pensions, banks accounts as I suspect he will hide assets -my dad did this but mum had the good advice to get a legal separation

One step at a time.

What have you been putting off doing? Or going to see? Is there anything practical that you can do while they're away? Copy documents? Get photos? Passports? Take anything sentimental to your parents house for safe keeping.

I wish I'd taken some photos from an old laptop.

The first few times are always the worst until you develop a routine on how to fill your time.

My son was in tears when he got in the car
If that happens again tell him you will be dancing round the house naked with the music blasting whilst giving him a wink. Make him giggle as it will remind him of sad daddy headbanging away the previous week. These are the kinds of props that you need to use. Seeing your ds giggle will help you mentally too

It's a huge adjustment for you all. It will get better and not having to live in such an unpleasant environment with a horrible man will make it all worth while. The time you have with them will be free of abuse and fear. You can all live in happiness together ❤️

Have a big cry. Let it all out. And then tomorrow morning get busy. Find stuff to keep your brain distracted - ideally practical things that'll help move you a step towards your happier new future bit if not then find a TV series to binge.

All these first times will be the worst - I’m assuming their father has never taken them away alone without you before? But your 50% of the time with them (IF that’s how it works out, it may yet be a different split) will be actually happy, rather than tension-filled. You can do this.

Ignore his threats. Keep taking small steps forward.

(The cynic in me is trying not to mention the fact that he will rail against having to organise his own gift shopping, wrapping, card-sending, catering and everything else that just dropped out of the ceiling for all the years you were doing it.)

You are doing so well OP. It’s easy for me to say but I think you’re going to have to train yourself to not react to his demands and the things the children are telling you - grey rock him all the way. Think of him as a petulant and attention seeking 3yr old - you do not have to feel outraged or react to everything he is saying or asking for. His power lies in his ability to manipulate your feelings, both directly and via your children, and grey rocking will take some of that power away from him.

Don't react. Just say ok.

No one gets a court order for child arrangements set in stone for the next 10 years... these things get reviewed.

More evidence of the torrents of rubbish that he spouts.

I doubt he'll go to court at all.

Well isn't daddy silly, of course Santa knows when he needs to visit more than one house, no need to worry.

He really is just being a dick.

That sounds really fair, and generous to give him the first Christmas morning. I think it’s OK Santa only comes to one house with stockings - but depends on if you have always said ALL presents are from Santa, which would be much trickier.

he wants us to spend Xmas day together!! I've said no but he isn't having it, so think that might be a fight.

Obviously you don’t want to spend it together but what have you suggested? You need to make sure it’s fair to him (even though it will hurt, I know) so the kids having at least some of the day with him, or what?

For the manipulative money chat with your DD, take a neutral agreeable time e.g. ‘Yes, Daddy and I might have a bit less money for holidays for a while, but I’m sure we can still plan fun things like X, Y, Z’. Don’t take the bait and focus on being positive yourself around the DC.

You visceral feelings of dread at the thought of returning home tell you everything you need to know.

He's not going to make this easy, or civilised.

He has absolutely no say in how or with whom you spend your Christmas. To use the childish language which really says it all - he's not the boss of you.

I hope you are able to instigate legal proceedings soon, and I agree that you need to take urgent advice about protecting your financial position.

Glad you had a lovely weekend! At some point in the future, all your days will be like that.

I'm so glad you and the kids had such a lovely time. Keep focused on that and remember that's what your future looks like. The dread of seeing him again, the stealing the shares, the emotional blackmailing of the kids - all just reminders of why you are getting the fuck away from him. What a nasty prick he is.
When you talk to the solicitor tell them about the shares and ask if there are any financial steps you should be taking to protect your share of the assets.

I don't have any practical advice but I've read all your posts and I think you're amazing. I wish I had your bravery. Don't be like me. Still stuck here, with the blinkers off and able to see what a prick my H is, and yet still be here. (He's currently sulking as i didnt want to have sex earlier so is now not talking to me) but....you're actually doing it. Youre changing your life and taking control. Im full of admiration for you.

What a horrible man your exH is saying all that to the kids. It's the fear of that kind of thing that keeps me here but as others havs said it's actually evidence of course you've made totally the right decision. This stage will end eventually. And you'll live the life you want and deserve finally.

This will be the best decision you ever make. It might seem hard now but it will get better.

What kind of man puts that on an 8 year old? Disgusting.

Enjoy your weekend. The kids will have a great time. Let your children see how normal people behave and how they treat each other.

Text him and ask him not to guilt and upset the children by manipulating them by telling them he will be sad while they are away.
Tell him it has upset your son and is not good for him to be upset like this.

Have a record of this.
He is trying to manipulate and emotionally abuse your son.

Selfish bastard.

Him saying stuff like that to his child - with no thought whatsoever to his child's feelings, and all thoughts on his own - just demonstrates that you are 100% right in your decision to divorce. I love @Pixiedust1234 suggestion to give your DS images of dad having a great time in your absence. Watching sport, eating takeaway, whatever his favourite things are, that's what your DS needs to think is happening (and it will probably be true anyway). Hope you enjoy the wedding, and the space and time away with your loving family.

He's guilting you by using the children's emotions on you. It's called weaponising and is used as a tactic by abusive people. This shows you what kind of manipulating man he is. Remember it next time you have a wobble and think about giving him a second chance.

Tell your son Daddy will be fine. He will probably turn up the music and dance around the house naked once you have gone away. Say silly things like this every time and your son will start associating daddy saying he's sad with the mental image of daddy headbanging and airguitaring away. Pavlov had the right idea 😉😂